100 Pedals

Drug Addiction: Advocacy, Inspiration, Education, and Change

# When Prevention Fails

April 28, 2025 by Dave Cooke 10 Comments

If you’re reading this blog post, you’re probably the parent of a child addicted to drugs or alcohol. If so, I’ve got news for you. That big problem you think is standing in the way of your child’s recovery isn’t your major obstacle.

You are. That’s right. Parents are the big problem, and not in the way you might think.

I know what I’m talking about. I’m the parent of a child addicted to drugs. As parents, we believe we know what’s best for our children. Deep down we keep thinking we should be able to figure this out. We should be able to save our child from this kind of danger. Worst of all, we believe we can handle this alone. We always have in the past. Why not now, right?

Well, you can’t. Not this time. Your child’s drug use isn’t about you or your parenting skills. And it’s not something you can manage all by yourself. It’s too big.

To help your child, you need to get yourself out of the way. The best place to start is by NOT believing your child’s story about the addiction. Instead, focus on reality. Addiction is a highly complicated issue, and it’s bigger than both of you.

Like any good parent, you talked to your children about the dangers of drugs and alcohol when they were growing up. You warned them about the detrimental effect these chemicals would have on their minds, bodies, and futures. Just because your child chose to ignore that advice doesn’t mean you failed as a parent. You didn’t. You did the very best you could.

Fact is prevention doesn’t always work. If it did, America wouldn’t be experiencing the worst drug addiction epidemic in its history right now.

Here’s what parents can do to combat this reality. Focus on what you can control. First, get professional help for yourself and your family. Next, create an action plan that includes new ground rules, including what happens when your addicted child breaks these rules.

You can’t stop your child from using drugs. But you can get yourself out of the way, find professional help, and establish firm boundaries. You love your child more than anything in the world. Make sure that love continues to move both of you in a healthy direction.

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What happens when prevention fails? Let Dave show you how to create an action plan that moves you and your addicted child back on track in a healthier, more constructive direction. Be prepared when prevention fails. Contact Dave today and book him to speak at your church, parent’s group, business organization, or neighborhood association. Go to Dave Cooke’s Speaker Page for more information, or email Dave Cooke.

Filed Under: featured, Managing Adversity, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: drug addiction, drug addiction and recovery, parenting and addiction support, parenting and alcohol, parenting and drug abuse, parenting and recovery

### Comments

1. Barbara Cofer Stoefen says:
   April 28, 2025 at 10:14 am

   Thanks for this great article, Dave. You’re absolutely right that parents can be part of the problem. The best things we can do are to try and get our child the medical help and treatment they deserve, and to get healthy ourselves!

   Reply
   - Dave Cooke says:
     April 28, 2025 at 10:44 am

     Thanks, Barbara. Experience is a wonderful educator to those who are just starting out on their learning curve.

     Reply
2. Rae Atwood says:
   April 28, 2025 at 12:20 pm

   What should we do then as parents trying to get through to the addict? If we are enabling what do you suggest we do? Any advice would be helpful.

   Reply
   - Dave Cooke says:
     April 28, 2025 at 12:30 pm

     Rae, thanks for your question. If you are “trying to get through to the addict,” what can you really hope to accomplish? They are not ready for change. Their addiction is only a problem to them when they come to realize for themselves it is a problem. If they are not receptive to your suggestions, that means they are not ready or willing to change, yet. The only change that can and will occur at this point is how you define your behaviors and responses to their staying on the addiction path. This is when you get help for yourself, create and define rules and consequences for their behaviors, enforce those rules and stop trying to change what you cannot change. Trying to get through to an addict who is not ready for change is a waste until you initiate change that makes continued using difficult or impossible.

     Reply
3. Phillip Blackerby says:
   April 29, 2025 at 2:11 pm

   Get help for yourself; go to a local Al Anon meeting: http://al-anon.org/ .
   Find a local meeting in your area: http://al-anon.org/local-meetings .

   Reply
   - Dave Cooke says:
     April 29, 2025 at 2:27 pm

     Phillip, thanks for your comments. It is a great place to start and find the courage and confidence to share. The experiences I have had in the Al-Anon community were not where I learned my best lessons or gained by keenest insights and perspectives. Just like AA isn’t for everybody dealing with addiction, neither is Al-anon the only game in town for those dealing with addiction in the family. The common denominator in our perspectives is that parents cannot do this alone, shouldn’t even try to do it alone, and must find a support as soon as they realize their loved one is dealing with a problem.

     Reply
4. Cathy Taughinbaugh says:
   April 29, 2025 at 5:11 pm

   Hi Dave,

   Thanks for the great article. Prevention has failed too often and many are suffering which is unfortunate. One approach I do like is the CRAFT approach which does give parents tools to communicate more effectively with their child which will give them a better chance of making change. As you know every situation is different, so it does depend on where your child is in the process. Take care.

   Reply
   - Dave Cooke says:
     April 29, 2025 at 5:19 pm

     I agree Cathy. There are many viable options for parents to help them through this maze of pain and confusion. CRAFT is definitely a wonderful option. I continue to encourage parents to search out the resources that are out there and get the help they need. This cannot be solved alone without appropriate support. CRAFT definitely is a great resource.

     Reply
5. John Waters says:
   April 29, 2025 at 6:19 pm

   Dave,

   A great blog and you are right on the money. We listened to you and have gotten out of the way and let the experts work with our son. He has agreed to treatment, and is starting on Thur., April 30th at 4:30 p.m. We had to ignore his rationale and reasoning, and we only did so because of your advise. His mother and I had to be unified and we had to have a plan and stick to it. We did because of your advise and he realized he only had two options; move out of the house or go to treatment. He will be in treatment for two months and so far, he has taken the steps to admit himself into the program. We will pray that he remains committed to the program, the plan and the counselors guidance.

   Reply
   - Dave Cooke says:
     April 30, 2025 at 9:31 am

     John, happy to hear you were able to put into action what we discussed. Continued prayers that your son recognizes a need to embrace recovery and takes appropriate steps in that direction. Love that he has parents who recognize the power in being unified and in active communication. Always here if you need me. Peace!

     Reply

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