100 Pedals

Real solutions for the parents of addicted children

# Stop fighting a battle that’s not yours to fight!

August 4, 2025 by Dave Cooke 8 Comments

When my son’s life first took a dramatic, addiction-related turn, many of the early casualties were my hopes and dreams I envisioned for him. From the time he was a boy, I envisioned the man he would become. His personality traits, unique skills, passions and interests reinforced my dreams. Then suddenly all that went out the window as addiction took over this wonderful person.

It is incredibly painful to watch your hopes and dreams appear to die. It is extremely difficult to release your hold on what you believed was possible for this child you raised. Not only are you witnessing a life interrupted, but you begin to fight for the life that could have been.

It can be even harder in this season to remember that God still has a plan – a GOOD plan - for your child’s life; and, that he has a good plan for yours as well. What you are witnessing is how God’s plans and your plans conflict. Regardless of how painful the current situation is and the impact of this unexpected, difficult path, you and your child are in God’s hands.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV)

When I was in the worst stages of my experiences with my son’s addiction, I felt completely powerless and helpless over his actions. I did everything I could to short-circuit or interrupt this freefall that had become his new path. Until I discovered this verse and reflected upon it. Did I believe it? What kind of future and hope did my son have now?

Instead of praying, “God please help me save my son,” I decided to change my prayer. I gave thanks to God for his plans: “God, I don’t know what you have in store for my son; but, I am grateful you have a plan for his life.” I gave it to God. Instead of wrestling for control over a life that I have no control over, I thankfully left it up to God to work his plan. Immediately, a calm and peace washed over me. I have prayed that prayer several times as the stresses of events washed over me. Each time, I found peace in the reality that this is God’s plan and I need to learn to trust in him.

“There are many plans in a man’s heart, nevertheless the Lord’s counsel—that will stand.” (Proverbs 19:21 NKJV)

God has a wonderful plan for our lives and for the lives of our children. Releasing your hold on how you thought life would turn out for your child and submitting to the unknown of God’s plan for both of you are massive steps of faith. And faith is not faith if you see the path and end result clearly. What we are living and experiencing in these moments of grief and loss and pain are but a small segment of a very large picture. God has the canvas and he is the painter. Paintings in process look messy, difficult, and often resemble little of the finished product. Instead of trying to wrestle control of the brush, we can practice waiting and watching in awe at the master’s work, and find joy and gratitude in his vision – his Master Painter’s eye – for our lives.

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Are you the parent of a child addicted to drugs or alcohol? The emotional rollercoaster of addiction is not God’s best for you or your family. Dave Cooke is an Addiction Coach and an internationally recognized speaker. Let him show you how to move your family back on track in a healthier direction by applying Christian principles. To c ontact Dave for private coaching, go to http://www.100pedals.com/coaching/ or email dave@100Pedals.com. You’ll be amazed what a difference an hour with Dave can make in your life!

Are you on Dave’s email list? If you’d like to receive his monthly newsletter for the parents of addicted children and weekly blog post notifications, email dave@100pedals.com

Filed Under: Addiction, Christian living, featured, Giving Love, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Personal Insights, Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction and recovery, drug addiction and parenting, drug addiction and recovery, God's plans, parent coaching, parenting tips, trusting God

### Comments

1. Cathy Taughinbaugh says:
   August 4, 2025 at 11:55 am

   Thanks Dave. This post instills hope for parents who are struggling. It helps to know that maybe there is a bigger plan and things will change for the better in time. I appreciate all that you do!

   Reply
   - Dave Cooke says:
     August 4, 2025 at 12:11 pm

     Thank you, Cathy. We know there is always a point of desperation for parents. I have lived it. When hope is all you’ve got, it is important to remember that there is a much bigger picture at work. Appreciate all you do, as well.

     Reply
2. Kelly says:
   August 4, 2025 at 12:31 pm

   Hi Dave what an amazing post. I have been struggling with completely letting go. I am always texting something to my son on a daily basis. He is living his life & probably quite happily while at times I know I’m not leading mine as fully out of fear. Although my relationship is much stronger with God now , it is daily work to put it in his hands! Love this blog. Thank you.

   Reply
   - Dave Cooke says:
     August 4, 2025 at 1:31 pm

     Kelly, it is amazing how much fear can block any of the positive influences we need. Dig deeper into the scriptures and talk (outloud) with God as you would speak with a trusted advisor/friend. Remind yourself that God has promised to watch over us, walk with us, and guide us through our challenges. He has always kept his promise and he will keep his to you, as well. Fear is merely the devil trying to block your finding peace with God.

     Reply
3. Valerie Brown says:
   August 4, 2025 at 5:48 pm

   I am slowly learning that God loves my sons more than me and He does have a plan. I watch my husband sleep at night when I am fretting about them. In the morning I would wake and be tired and anxious. He would wake refreshed and more able to let things be. I am trying to find that.

   Reply
   - Dave Cooke says:
     August 4, 2025 at 6:21 pm

     Valerie, it is a difficult lesson to learn. We are so conditioned that we need to be doing something that in our resolve to be engaged actually blocks or interrupts God’s work. Learning to let go and trust in God’s plan will give you peace. Rely on the scriptures and prayer to support you along the way.

     Reply
4. Fagan Golden says:
   August 8, 2025 at 4:27 pm

   Thank you Dave for your hope and encouragement. The addict has taken over my almost 17yr old son the last few years. His addiction became my addiction. We’ve been to jail, hospitals, psych units, rehab, suicide attempts, and hell. I pray every day to let go and let God. I have to get out of the way so gods plan can unfold. I’m completely powerless but God has all power .

   Reply
   - Dave Cooke says:
     August 9, 2025 at 9:45 am

     Fagan, thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am sorry to hear about your struggles with your son. It is a painful, challenging journey. Actively engaging in prayer and making time to learn from his word will move you and keep you in a stronger place. Keep moving and trust in him.

     Reply

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