100 Pedals

Recovery for Parents Dealing with Addiction in their Families

# Nothing will change until you do

November 3, 2025 by Dave Cooke 2 Comments

> “So my son is sitting outside my door in the pouring rain with nowhere to go. It is breaking my heart. I am no good at this “tough love” thing. He’s been here four months. I took him to detox twice and one rehab to which he left. Today he robbed me again and took everything I had. I told him not to come back. Now he’s sitting outside saying he has the money he took and has nowhere to go. What do I do? I can’t take it anymore!” ~ From a mom sharing personal agony on her addiction journey

It is hard to know what to do in these situations. As a parent, each of wants to take their child in, give them a hug, put them in dry clothes, and show our love for them. That is a normal and very appropriate response. There are no right answers here, only questions.

If you do not change the way you deal with your child, will the behaviors they are currently engaging in ever change?

If you do not change your behaviors and responses to someone’s actions, will the people you are dealing need to change theirs?

What changes if you engage in the same, predictable actions when presented with a challenge like this?

Change is not easy. It is hard to adjust or alter the way we communicate with our children in response the situation they are in. We do not want to punish them, we never want them to experience painful consequences as a result of the choices they make, and we certainly don’t want to lose our child to their addiction driven mistakes.

If we protect them, make exceptions for them, shield them from outcomes they need to learn from - how can we possible expect them to change or alter their behaviors? If they know there are no consequences, only the threat of one, they will not be responsible for changing anything.

> The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

An addicted child puts parents in painfully difficult situations. They challenge us to do things we never would have imagined or believed possible. Their decisions hurt and confound us. Their actions often confuse and destroy us. Eventually we are going to have to make some tough decisions if we are ever going to regain our sanity, take control of our life, and challenge our children to make their own choice and learn from their behaviors.

Only you know what you need to do, when you finally need to do it, and why it is necessary. You are your child’s parent. You know what you desire of them, from them and for them. Only you can make the decisions as to how you want to raise, develop, and teach them. No one can tell you what to do - it is your call. These are tough times, difficult times.

Just remember, nothing changes until you do. The rest is up to you. Peace!

> 100Pedals has just released two FREE programs for parents. (1) “Addiction and the Family: Four Guidelines to Embrace” is an audio progam that provides parents perspective for dealing with addiction in the family. To obtain your digital download click here. (2) “Addiction Conversation” is a weekly podcast where Dave Cooke interviews parents, those in recovery, counselors, and legal experts to provide their perspectives from their experiences with addiction. To listen to an individual session click here or to download the podcast to I-Tunes click here.

Filed Under: Addiction, featured, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: addiction, addiction and parenting, change, dealing with adversity, dealing with conflict, embracing change, hope and recovery, love, parenting, recovery

### Comments

1. JoAnne says:
   November 6, 2025 at 8:43 pm

   Ibogaine works where other rehabs fail.. Could Philip Seymour Hoffman have been saved?

   Current approaches to treating opiate addiction have failed, and drug overdose cases now claim more lives than motor vehicle accidents.

   When Philip Seymour Hoffman overdosed on heroin I couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if this talented actor had known about ibogaine hydrochloride.

   Would he still be alive?

   Ibogaine hydrochloride (HCL) is a potent medicine, isolated from the root bark of the central west African shrub, Tabernanthe iboga. It is standardized to 99.8% purity as Remogen™, a finished pharmaceutical product from Canada. This treatment, which is legal in Mexico, Canada and many other countries proves remarkably effective in resetting the addicted brain, eliminating opiate withdrawal and reducing drug craving.

   Now that the war on drugs is losing steam, and legalization efforts move forward, the time has come for ibogaine HCL to become a first-line treatment for opiate addiction.

   What will legalization look like? Our new, state-of-the-art clinic is the first to demonstrate the integration of a traditional medicine directly into Western medical use by providing a rigorous therapeutic environment within a major medical center that allows us to continuously monitor cardiac function through the use of EKG telemetry systems.

   Because the use of ibogaine HCL poses some serious health risks and is not appropriate for everyone, we mitigate the risks associated with ibogaine HCL detox through rigorous screening and comprehensive assessment of our patients.

   Unlike traditional rehab, we offer only evidence-based treatments, we are non-12-step based, we offer highly personalized care and we are able to help dual diagnosis patients like war veterans. In fact, over the past year an increasing number of our patients are opiate addicted veterans with PTSD referred to us by physicians at Veterans Affairs (VA) hospitals.

   The fact that VA doctors are recommending this category of medicine for war veterans is an indication of how critical the situation has become and how things can change.

   This is a story that needs to be told and it’s talented and passionate writers like you that promote positive change in the world.

   I’d like to personally invite you to visit our new medical clinic and offer a treatment experience to either yourself or someone close to you who would benefit from an Ibogaine detox. I believe that by experiencing the medicine or seeing somebody you know go through our program you would experience the manageable risks and exceptional benefits of this detox protocol first-hand, and could relate them in a compelling and ground-breaking news story.

   619.452.1130

   You may also check out our website http://www.crossroadsibogaine.com for more information.

   Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you.

   Dr Martin Polanco

   JoAnne Rees / Tyson Elliott
   Intake Coordinators
   Crossroads Treatment Center

   Reply
   - Dave Cooke says:
     November 7, 2025 at 8:05 am

     Thanks for the comments. I would love and welcome a discussion about Ibogaine. Note, my personal and narrow minded commitment that drugs, almost any drug, is not a cure or a panacea will make our conversation an interesting one. I love solving problems. I love finding solutions. I despise the notion that a “drug” is a cure. This is what has created this problem and I am slow, hesitant to jump on any bandwagon that says we have a cure - its a drug. Look forward to talking. Also, I would prefer not to use this blog as a forum for our future discussions. Let’s podcast our dialogue and share the results. Peace.

     Reply

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