100 Pedals

Recovery for Parents Dealing with Addiction in their Families

## Why I do what I do!!

March 31, 2025 by Dave Cooke 4 Comments

I am a dad, committed to openly sharing my story, my experiences, and the uniquely inspiring lessons associated with my youngest son’s heroin addiction. My son’s addiction has been the single most painful, confusing, dark period of my life. It has also been the greatest gift to me — for it is these experiences that have completely changed and transformed my life.

In living my commitment to be open about my addiction related experiences, I have been blessed to be part of a very large community of active parents offering similar love, support, and inspiration to other parents. I have discovered several trends within this community. First, they are engaged, active, focused, and strong. Second, there are a lot of moms and very few dads. Finally, everyone is openly authentic, honest, vulnerable, and raw in sharing their feelings, emotions, and frustrations.

It is the last trait that prevent most dads from being comfortably active in this community. Most men have never been taught, encouraged, or exposed to a male gender model who is authentic, humble, or freely and comfortable share their emotions. Being part of an active support community requires a willingness to share our deepest struggles, fears, and frustrations. This is not a normal dad thing.

We need more dads and more dads need us. Back in February a fellow, committed and passionate dad shared a blog entitled “Where are the Dad’s?” Recently, I came across another article by another committed father, “Man Up.” Both reference the challenge that Dads have in dealing with the pain of their experiences and enjoining a forum where they can comfortably and safely share their emotions, vulnerability, and frustrations. Joining an active community that encourages humility and vulnerability, while admitting helplessness is counter intuitive to our mindset and certainly forces us dads out of our comfort zone. Instead of engaging in the way moms do, we men would rather find security and safety in the bunker called ego and immerse ourselves into work rather than deal with a monster that prevents us from fixing the problems threatening to destroy our family. Addiction vocabulary favorites like hopeless and helpless are not words dads throw around all too comfortably

I am that dad, I have learned these lessons, and I have found peace in the process. I was that Dad. There was a time early in my addiction experience I was convinced that I could simply drop everything, dive in, fix the problem and save my son. I firmly believed that my love, my commitment, and my passion would enable me to solve the problem of addiction in my son. I learned a painful, confusing, and frustrating lesson — I cannot simply fix the addiction problem in my son. I cannot control it even though I am used to, and quite good at controlling many things.

> I discovered there is hope and opportunity in failure. I learned the gift that comes with true wisdom — recognize the difference between what I can control and what I cannot. Focus on being very effective and successful in the areas I can control. Release the desire to control what I cannot.

Today, I am simply a dad who loves his son unconditionally. I find peace in empowering him to live the life he has chosen to live. I accept the pain of those choices even when they hurt me most. I find comfort in the realization that these are his choices and I am powerless to change them. I am committed to be at his side whenever he asks me to be. I will always be there to offer my my encouragement and my insights whenever he asks for it.

I am Dave Cooke. I am 100Pedals. I am a father who has discovered clarity, peace, and opportunity in the midst of life’s greatest chaos. I have also found grace and comfort in being vulnerable, honest, humble, and in need. Why do I do this — To share the road map of this gift with other dads seeking the path.

Filed Under: Addiction, Managing Adversity, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Practice Humility, Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction, being a dad, being a man, Freedom Institute, grace, humility, love, My Life as 3D, parenting, parenting and addiction, peace, tranquility, vulnerability

## The life you have is to be celebrated, always!

March 18, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

Today is a new day. Every new day represents an opportunity to live and celebrate the life we have, not the life we wish it to be.

This does not mean we cannot hope, dream, pray for, or desire a different outcome. It does mean that who we are, where we are, what we are, and what we have at this exact point in our life is to be celebrated and appreciated. It also means that if we have a desire to get to a more peaceful, productive, or happier place, today is another day in our journey to get there.

There are two things that often interrupt or prevent progress in the quest of our dreams and our desires. First, we desire to change, alter, control, or influence those aspects of our life that are not within our control. Because they are not within our control, it is best if they are not part of the success formula in our outcomes. We can only succeed over what we control, not what we desire to control. By our positive actions, activities, and behaviors we can potentially influence components of our life not in our control; but, these things do not define us and cannot prevent us from finding joy, peace, and happiness in who we are.

Second, there is no peace if we look at what we haven’t achieved instead of celebrating what we have. There are many moving parts in our journey. There are people we love, lessons we have learned, mistakes we have made, and things we regret. These are all active and critical parts of the journey in our life. Getting stuck is waiting for these mistakes to be corrected or forgiven, or for these loved ones to catch up to us on our journey. They are not part of our success they are obstacles that prevent us from living the life we desire.

We cannot change what we cannot control. And, we cannot move forward when we get stuck in someone else’s place. Getting to the life we have defined for ourselves requires discovering the ability to move forward, celebrating the little accomplishments in our own life, and letting go of our desires to bring aspects along the journey that actually are holding us back on our journey.

Healing and progress are defined by how we let go of what is lost. Moving forward does not mean giving up hope. We still can and must offer love or share the dream with others. It does mean there is no ability to live, celebrate, enjoy, or find peace until we let go of what we cannot control and celebrate accomplishment over what we can.

When we embrace our ability to live and celebrate the life we have been given in the form it has been given to us, we will find peace, hope and opportunity. When our happiness is dependent upon changing something more powerful than us, the quest for peace, joy, happiness, and accomplishment will be and will remain elusive to us.

Go forward in peace. Be grateful, hopeful and joyful today. Your journey is bigger, greater, and more powerful than the painful problem at hand!!

Filed Under: Addiction, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: celebrating life, happiness, joy, living your life, opportunity, peace

## Never surrender your life to the loss in their addiction

March 14, 2025 by Dave Cooke 2 Comments

Few parents are ever prepared for the shocking revelation that their child is abusing drugs or addicted. The promise that we see in our children from the time they are born and begin to grow, to show their personality, or share their dreams and bring energy to the house is replaced with hurt, fear, despair, and loss. Like every other parent in this situation, I was no different…

> “My son—my little boy—was in trouble…lost. It hurt me through every part of my being to know what he had been experiencing over the past few months. When I reflect back on that time and start sharing and connecting with the feelings I had then, the painful emotions easily return as though they had just happened yesterday. I cannot believe that someone who had lived his entire life in a safe, healthy, secure, and comfortable environment had fallen so far as to be living on the street behind a strip mall, next to a dumpster. That a life that was filled with so much promise was now linked to drug abuse, addiction, and jail. It was beyond the scope of anything I had experienced to that point.” ~ Behind the Dumpster - The Story of a Son’s Addiction, a Father’s Love, and a Bike Ride

I ended up dropping everything I was involved with and totally engaged in saving my son. I quickly discovered there was much more to his addiction, to any addiction, than simply making a commitment to rescue my son. Like most parents, I learned the most painful lesson of all, there is no cure and there is no opportunity for a recovery until the addict wants one. Even then, that road is hard, painful, long, and torturous.

It took me eighteen months to realize that my son had to first save himself. I had to find peace with his choices, decisions, and actions. I had to learn to accept that there are aspects of his life that were and are completely beyond my control. And, I had to learn to focus on my recovery from his addiction, to find peace in the storm, and to learn to accept that this once promising life would be forever changed.

When it comes to addiction, there is no going back. Recovery means that we pray our child discovers a path that allows him to recover from his addiction so he can begin to live his life free from his addiction from this point forward. However, we will never recover from what was lost, stolen, surrendered, or destroyed during the addictive phase, including our hopes, dreams and aspirations for their once promising future.

Find peace in the life your child has. If they are lost, find peace in the life you have. The hole in your heart may never heal and much of the pain may never go away. Despite the suffering, you have the opportunity to live and love and hope, but you cannot surrender your life to the loss or the addiction! It may have destroyed one life, it does not have the right or the power to destroy another!

Filed Under: Addiction, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: a child's promise, addiction, addiction and recovery, Behind the Dumpster, heroin, love, Love and addiction, pain and addiction, parenting, promise, recovery

## The power in completely letting go

March 13, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

I recently read a very insightful and short article about “Rewarding Recovery” by Jill Cox. What I loved about this article was how Jill challenged people to recognize that change requires letting go. Not only letting go of what we need to let of; but, the willingness to let go of everything because of the nature in which certain parts of our life is connected to the others.

> You don’t recover from an addiction by stopping using. You recover by creating a new life. You don’t have to change everything in your life. But there are a few things that can continue to get you into trouble until you let them go.the power of change in recovery.

While this sentiment is quite true with an addict, it really reflects a challenge to anyone desiring to change something in their lives that adversely impacts them. We cannot create or facilitate a monumental change in our life by protecting and holding on to those things that make us safe, secure, or comfortable. We have no idea the connectivity or dependency of those aspects of our life we dislike to those we may enjoy or prefer.

Our willingness to let go of everything to explore the possibilities in anything is when true, monumental, and incredible change occurs. As you examine those aspects of your life that are causing you turmoil, pain, or facilitates failure, open your heart, your eyes, and your mind to the possibilities of changing or altering other components in your life that may be participating or supporting the problem.

Filed Under: Addiction, Embrace Responsibility, Inspirational Perspectives, Managing Adversity, Parenting, Uncategorized Tagged With: about change, change, creating change, Jill D. Cox, letting go, life changes

## An important lesson about the monster of addiction

March 10, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

My first lesson in addiction began the day I made that commitment to help my son the minute I learned of his troubles. Though I repeatedly was introduced to the lesson, it took me a long time before I was in a position to truly understand and learn it. That first lesson is both powerful and obvious, though we parents are blinded by our loving commitment and are unable to really learn it, at first. Try as I did — and I tried everything — nothing brought Brandon around to his recovery until he decided it was time.

I recently read an article about “Challenging the Monster of Addiction” by Joanne Kosta. As I read the article, I started to see myself in it. I started to see the other parents I talk with, coach, and present to, as well. We have all gotten caught up in our child’s addiction in the quest to save them, only to painfully and tragically discover their child’s addiction is more powerful than any parents’ love.

This was my first true reality lesson regarding addiction. If only I would have believed or accepted this fact earlier. It is the most important one to learn, as well. The beast of addiction is more powerful than any parents’ love. The unconditional love of a parent drives us and we relentlessly fight the monster at great personal - emotional, physical, psychological, and financial — cost. As Kosta writes “addicts’ lives revolve around their addictions. In turn, people who love the addict start to live their lives around the addict and his or her behavior.”

With every one of my son’s failings, every setback and every stupid decision, I would get more and more frustrated. I couldn’t understand how my son could hurt himself and his family in the ways he was. I had not yet come to grips with the powerful control the monster had on my son. As Kosta shares “You might think the person that has an addiction doesn’t care, because they act like they don’t care. They just want to get high again or drink again. The truth of it is, they carry around a tremendous burden of guilt. For the most part, these people are good people…They know what they want in life, but they’re seeing themselves failing over and over again. They see themselves hurt the people they care so much about … They actually don’t know how to stop it. They’re not sure they want to stop it, because of their addiction. Psychologically, they’re not sure they could cope.”

Kosta shared what I eventually came to understand on my own. Addiction is more powerful than your love or your desire to save your child. This does not mean you give up faith, hope, or love. It simply means that, as a parent, there is an element of letting go that must become part of the process of living with this situation.

It took me over eighteen months to come to grip with this. Fortunately, I discovered a path to my recovery and developed a program for myself that helped me distance myself from some aspects of my son’s addiction and empowered me to stop living my life centered around my son, his addiction, and his addiction related behavior.

Filed Under: Addiction, Giving Love, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: addiction and control, addiction and hope, addiction in your family, addictions control, Challenging the Monster of Addiction, Joanne Kosta, Love and addiction, the influence of addiction, the power of addiction

## The story of my next journey

March 5, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

Father and Son celebrating completion of their respective 100Day Challenges three years apart (on left: 2/11/14 on right: 4/10/11)

For those who know me, follow me, and have learned more about the story of my experiences with Brandon’s addiction, you are aware of my path thus far. Over the past five years I have ridden the emotional roller coaster of addiction and have also celebrated the incredible transformations that started with my one hundred day cycling commitment.

I certainly could not have predicted or anticipated any of what I have experienced in the past five years. From that shocking phone call informing me that Brandon was in jail, homeless, and seriously addicted to heroin to sitting here sharing news of the next stage in my journey — I am proud to say I have come a long way!!

> In an ironic and twisted way, my son’s addiction, as painful as it has been for me, is also the gift that completely changed my life. ~ Dave Cooke, “Behind the Dumpster“

After three years of discovery, celebration and reflection, I have decided that it is time to put 100Pedals in service where it is needed most — supporting parents like me who are dealing with addiction in the lives of a child.

Having been on this path of confusion, heartache, and despair, I know what it is like to be the parent of an addict. Not knowing who to turn to, what to do, while feeling ashamed, responsible, alone, and confused was the most helpless and hopeless of states. Thankfully I found my recovery. I am helping other parents find theirs.

I have made the commitment to bring the lessons, experiences, and the process of 100Pedals to parents like me. I have built programs in the form of books, e-books, workbooks, videos, and coaching platforms specifically around the lessons of my experiences and the questions parents ask of me on a daily basis. The curriculum I am offering provides parents a path to engage and be enriched by the 100Pedals experience.

> As with any start-up there is risk and cost. I am requesting your consideration and your support. Please support 100Pedals to bring these programs to the community of 23 million families dealing with addiction related issues in their homes. 23 MILLION!!! That is a lot of families, parents, hurt, pain, confusion, isolation and loss!!

> You know my story, you have heard, read, or directly witnessed my experiences. I am committed to giving back and help someone else. Frankly, I am not in a place to do it alone or completely from scratch! Your $25, $50 or $100 contribution helps me help a mom or dad like you. What if you needed me, like I needed me, and I wasn’t able to be there to help you? This is for the moms and dads who are struggling today — they need the love and insights of my experience and lessons.

> Support 100Pedals by clicking here. THANK YOU!

Filed Under: Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: addiction resources, programs for parents of addicts, resources for addiction, resources for parents of addicts

## Love isn’t the only ingredient

March 3, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

If love were the only missing ingredient toward the solutions in our challenges, life would be much simpler. Having spent countless hours over the past few years speaking with parents about their child’s addiction and the crazy, insane, and bizarre experiences relating to it, one thing is for certain these parents love their children.

When dealing with addiction, love is a wonderful gift, but, it is not the answer.

I am quite confident that my addict son knows he is loved and always has known he was loved. In my conversations with parents experiencing the pain of an addicted child the most obvious component of their emotions is the love they have for their child.

Unfortunately, when it comes to addiction and drug abuse love isn’t the only ingredient to the cure or the solution.

No matter how much we love our addicted children, the key to their recovery goes far beyond our love for them.

It is hard to understand the complex triggers and emotional experiences that facilitates a child’s internal desire to embrace recovery. The term “find their bottom” is tossed around often. Everyone has a different bottom. Everyone has that moment of clarity at different places, points, and experiences in their life. If we only could figure that unique, elusive formula out

Every story a parent shares about their addiction related experiences is eerily similar to every other parents’. It is if the story is the same, while the names of the actors in this tragic play have been changed. Each story has its unique twists and plots. Yet, they so closely parallel everyone else’s that very little new is learned on the addiction side of the equation.

When it comes to recovery, every story is different. Recovery starts in unique ways, at different places or points in time, the roller coaster of relapse is unique, and, unfortunately, not every recovery story ends up in victory or celebration. Even those stories which involve sustained recovery shared by parents reflect a tempered optimistic celebration. Everything about recovery is unique to the people involved.

At this point in my experiential curve with addiction, I have learned that my unconditional love for my son is all I can give him. And, it is not enough. In my loving commitment I hope, pray, encourage, support, and cheer; but do not know which of these, if any, are part of the secret ingredients to his recovery. Everything beyond my unconditional love for my son is really up to him to find, embrace, and sustain.

While I will never lose hope for Brandon’s continued recovery, I will always be there with my unconditional love. I have found comfort and peace in the reality that the secret to his continued success is a complicated recipe that I will never fully grasp or understand — much of which is his to discover no matter what I do, say, or offer. I am finally okay with that.

Filed Under: Addiction, Giving Love, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: addiction and love, addiction and parenting, addiction and recovery, addiction in your family