100 Pedals

Real solutions for the parents of addicted children

## When Prevention Fails

April 28, 2025 by Dave Cooke 10 Comments

If you’re reading this blog post, you’re probably the parent of a child addicted to drugs or alcohol. If so, I’ve got news for you. That big problem you think is standing in the way of your child’s recovery isn’t your major obstacle.

You are. That’s right. Parents are the big problem, and not in the way you might think.

I know what I’m talking about. I’m the parent of a child addicted to drugs. As parents, we believe we know what’s best for our children. Deep down we keep thinking we should be able to figure this out. We should be able to save our child from this kind of danger. Worst of all, we believe we can handle this alone. We always have in the past. Why not now, right?

Well, you can’t. Not this time. Your child’s drug use isn’t about you or your parenting skills. And it’s not something you can manage all by yourself. It’s too big.

To help your child, you need to get yourself out of the way. The best place to start is by NOT believing your child’s story about the addiction. Instead, focus on reality. Addiction is a highly complicated issue, and it’s bigger than both of you.

Like any good parent, you talked to your children about the dangers of drugs and alcohol when they were growing up. You warned them about the detrimental effect these chemicals would have on their minds, bodies, and futures. Just because your child chose to ignore that advice doesn’t mean you failed as a parent. You didn’t. You did the very best you could.

Fact is prevention doesn’t always work. If it did, America wouldn’t be experiencing the worst drug addiction epidemic in its history right now.

Here’s what parents can do to combat this reality. Focus on what you can control. First, get professional help for yourself and your family. Next, create an action plan that includes new ground rules, including what happens when your addicted child breaks these rules.

You can’t stop your child from using drugs. But you can get yourself out of the way, find professional help, and establish firm boundaries. You love your child more than anything in the world. Make sure that love continues to move both of you in a healthy direction.

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What happens when prevention fails? Let Dave show you how to create an action plan that moves you and your addicted child back on track in a healthier, more constructive direction. Be prepared when prevention fails. Contact Dave today and book him to speak at your church, parent’s group, business organization, or neighborhood association. Go to Dave Cooke’s Speaker Page for more information, or email Dave Cooke.

Filed Under: featured, Managing Adversity, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: drug addiction, drug addiction and recovery, parenting and addiction support, parenting and alcohol, parenting and drug abuse, parenting and recovery

## Managing the Chaos of Addiction in the Family

March 26, 2025 by Dave Cooke 2 Comments
http://traffic.libsyn.com/theaddictionconversation/Chavonne_Long.mp3

Today’s guest, Chavonne Long didn’t know what to do when she realized her son had an addiction. Rather that react, she responded. Her response was to learn everything about addiction, the impact that her son’s drug of choice had on his brain and on his recovery, and she set out to manage how the family would interact and communicate in the face of this issue.

It wasn’t always smooth or easy. It was like learning a foreign language. She did it.

Addiction can and does destroy families. Today’s podcast offers constructive perspectives on how to minimize or better manage the impact of addiction on the family.

In this podcast, we cover three critical learning areas for parents who are struggling with addiction in their family:

1. How to create and define expectations for everyone, including the one with the addiction, that facilitates respect, communication, and understanding;
2. The critical importance of self-care in coming from place of strength and clarity in managing this issue;
3. The power that comes from being open, vulnerable and accessible in your external world. Hiding is not healing. Healing only comes when you bring your issue into the open to find and discover those who can and will help you on your journey.

My gratitude to Chavonne for sharing her message with us today. I know you will all appreciate her perspectives and insights. Peace.

Filed Under: Addiction, featured, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: addiction, addiction and parenting, addiction and recovery, addiction in the family, drug abuse, drug abuse and recovery, drug abuse and the family, parenting and drug abuse

## Whatever It Takes

March 23, 2025 by Dave Cooke 2 Comments

“The depth of your success is measured by the intensity of your Commitment.” ~ Cooke, 2011

No one ever said it would be easy. They only said it would be worth it!

A big theme for those dealing with addiction – be it a loved one or the person themselves in the battle –revolves around change. In previous blogs, I have declared that “nothing changes until you do.” Change is required of everyone, not just the person with the addiction. As each of us has experienced, change can be very difficult.

Over the past seven years, I have witnessed numerous attempts at recovery by my son; however, I saw very little commitment to a true, sustainable recovery. I know this because the level of his effort when he goes into recovery is not a relentless, all-in mindset. He protects, defends, and hangs on to aspects of his life that keep him safe, comfortable and secure.

True change is not about comfort and convenience; it is about commitment and focus.

Like many, my son lacks a clear commitment to changing his life. He is more committed to the notion that this is too hard and too difficult than he is to the notion of doing whatever it takes. He is more committed to finding a path with little difficulty and adversity than he is about tackling the hard road before him. His is more committed to making sure he is doing the right thing instead of trusting and believing in what he knows he needs to be doing.

Commitment requires determination, focus, and courage. It requires a willingness to let go of everything in order to find something new, better. It requires a clear vision of what the desired outcome combined with an unrelenting determination to get there.

Most of our failures occur because we didn’t clearly define or believe in the vision of the outcome before we started. We didn’t mentally and emotionally connect to what it would look like or feel like to be in that outcome. Once you have a visual sense of accomplishment and can attach a feeling of that achievement emotionally and physically, there is little that will prevent you from persevering to get there.

True commitments are very powerful. They require resolve, strength, and courage. They are sustained by a clear vision to the desired outcome. Most importantly, once the vision is defined and you identify the path you need to take to get there, you must trust yourself and fight to stay on that path without hesitation, doubt, or fear.

While your loved one may be struggling to find or embrace their commitment to change, nothing prevents you from taking control of your life and making the changes you need to make in yours. It starts with a commitment to the vision for your life. Instead of thinking about what you could be doing, make a commitment to change your life and do it! Great outcomes and incredible changes are awaiting you. It will only happen once you commit to it and stay focused on realizing it. Believe and make it happen! Peace!

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Is your child addicted to drugs or alcohol? Do you feel like your live is spiraling out of control? I can help. I’ve been there. I’ve experienced your pain, anguish and despair. I’ve developed a 7-step strategy and program that helps the parents I coach to regain their emotional balance, so they can move forward again and help their kids in healthy ways. To learn more and obtain your copy of the e-book “The Seven Step Guide to Peace and Clarity” simply click here.

Filed Under: Addiction, featured, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: change, coomitment, parenting and addiction, parenting and change, parenting and drug abuse, parenting and recovery