100 Pedals

Recovery for Parents Dealing with Addiction in their Families

## Shift Your Focus

August 25, 2025 by Dave Cooke 5 Comments

> “Crying! So sad! Eleven years dealing with my child’s addiction! First, clean then relapsing. All of this has torn me apart! Who am I anymore? So sad! So depressed! I feel guilty because I no longer have the faith I used to have that they will get clean and stay that way. I’m so so broken! I go to meetings! I pray! Why does it never stay better?!?!” ~ A mom dealing with addiction in her world

It is difficult to separate or detach from the chaos of our children’s choices. As parents we spend much of their early lives loving, teaching, advising, encouraging, protecting, and fixing our children. As they get older parents worry about the choices they are making and the older they get the bigger, riskier, and more terrifying the stakes become. Add the dynamic of a child battling an addiction and everything increases exponentially.

There comes a time when we, as parents, need to detach from our children. Their choices, actions, behaviors, outcomes, and consequences need to be theirs to choose, live, and experience. It is not healthy or productive to be that connected to their lives. They have their life and we have our own lives to live.

I know how this mom feels. I once was lost trying to save, cure, fix, guide, direct and control my son’s choices and outcomes. It got to the point where every single action in his addiction driven life influenced and defined the next step or action in mine. I was officially out of control, co-dependent, and addicted to his addiction.

Last week, Cathy Taughinbaugh shared a wonderful blog on the very subject of codependency - “Are you ready to Let Go…and Take Care of Yourself?” In this blog, Cathy reminds us of the adverse power of codependency and the superior power of finding “serenity, [and] a deep sense of peace, and learn to give and receive love in new ways. We will have the freedom to live our own lives without guilt and responsibility to others and find real solutions.”

This is wonderful advise. Included in her blog was a powerful definition of codependency by Melody Beattie…

> “A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior.”

I discovered on my 100Pedals journey that peace, joy, happiness, and opportunity began to exist and help transform my life the minute I let go, empowered my son to discover his own path to recovery, and began engaging in positive, productive, and personal improvement projects for myself. As soon as I made the conscious choice to start living my life, independent from my son’s addictive driven choices, I discovered a different way to love him and encourage him while celebrating and enjoying the life I have despite the chaos his addiction around me.

May you find peace on your journey, the courage to let go, and the joy that comes from the release!

> Starting Tuesday, September 2, 100Pedals will be hosting a weekly chat room support resource for parents looking for advice, support, love and encouragement. This Parents’ Support Network (PSN) is a free resource for parents who struggle with the daily battle of addiction in their families. We are providing a safe, secure, and convenient forum for parents to share, learn, and listen. If you would like more information, please click on this link - Parents’ Support Network.

Filed Under: Addiction, featured, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: Cathy Taughinbaugh, codependency, giving love, Melodie Beattie, parenting, parenting and addiction, recovery, recovery and addiction

## What are you working on?

June 16, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

“Either you are working on your recovery or you are working on your relapse.”

Yes, I said this. I said it to my son. Frustrated by his commitment to self-manage a recovery program that lacks focus, hard work, and a high standard for continuous improvement and progress, I made the statement.

Someday he might understand there is more to recovery than merely the quest to be happy, to have a job, and to be clean. Don’t get me wrong. Those are awesome foundational objectives. They are a great place to start. But, the standard of care required to get there, stay there, and move forward from there is much higher than simply trying to exist there.

Life is about continuous improvement. It is about constantly striving to better yourself - learning, discovering, challenging, pushing, competing - doing something to continuously develop what you have been given and take it to newer heights, levels, and experiences.

There are times where the addicted mind is not all that different from the mind of others. There are a lot of people who are afraid, committed, determined to maintain the status quo of their existence. The prospect of change, improvement, risk and adventure is more than they can handle. Unfortunately, like many addicts, they get stuck in their life and find that it is empty and unfulfilled.

Watching my son take laps in this life of addiction and living the frustration of his being stuck is painful. Generally, I have become really good at removing myself from his life, unfortunately his recent relapse somehow has drawn me in and it really pisses me off.

This is that moment in time where I have to remind myself what I need to do to maintain a healthy separation from his addiction. Just like I shared with him, I am either focusing on my recovery or I am preparing for my relapse. I am not getting caught up in the drama, the bullshit, and the chaos of his choices. I have been there and I have worked far too hard to find harmony in my life free from his addictive garbage.

It is a difficult and unfortunate situation where parents have to learn to distance themselves from their child’s chaotic world. But, those that have learned to manage this effectively have discovered a life to be celebrated and have realized their child has to be empowered and responsible for their outcomes. We are not giving up, we do not stop loving, we are maintaining balance, focus, and strength by living the life we have been called to live. This is not a time for a personal relapse.

Filed Under: Addiction, featured, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction, addiction and recovery, parenting, parenting and addiction, personal recovery for parents, recovery and addiction, relapse and recovery