100 Pedals

Recovery for Parents Dealing with Addiction in their Families

## Parents, what you say matters more than you realize

November 13, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

Are you in a battle to communicate effectively with your addicted child?

Are you struggling to understand their choices and responses despite your best efforts?

Are you frustrated to find the words to offer encouragement and support in moments of conflict and pain?

You are not alone. Every parent faces a difficult, challenging learning curve when dealing with a child’s addiction.

The information in this podcast can and will help you…

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Every parent feels a sense of responsibility for their child’s addiction.

Every one eventually comes to understand that guilt is part of the process; but, we are not to blame for the choices our children make.

A child’s recovery from their addiction is a parent’s highest priority.

Just as we are not responsible for the choices that brought our child to their addictive situation, we are not responsible for their decisions in recovery.

How we communicate and interact with them can have a significant influence on how they manage their recovery.

Today’s guest, Jill D. Cox, is a professional counselor specializing in treatment therapy. I connected with her through several professional groups on LinkedIn.

I found her writings and comments particularly insightful and accurate.

She has a great perspective for parents and a calming, steady approach in a very chaotic emotional environment.

Listen to this episode…

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> 100Pedals has just released a FREE audio program for parents. “Addiction and the Family: Four Guidelines to Embrace” is an audio program that provides parents perspective for dealing with addiction in the family. To obtain your digital download click here.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction conversation, parenting and addiction, parenting and communication, parenting and drug addiction, parenting and love, parenting and recovery, podcast addiction conversation

## More thoughts on “Change”

November 10, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

> This article is fantastic! Every single one of us needs to read this and be reminded of what the heck we are doing over and over and over again. Three sentences really stood out for me, more so than the others, however, the entire article was just so perfect…so right. The three sentences?

> ‘The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.’

> ‘If we protect them, make exceptions for them, shield them from outcomes they need to learn from – how can we possible expect them to change or alter their behaviors? If they know there are no consequences, only the threat of one, they will not be responsible for changing anything.’ ~ Thoughts from a mom after reading last week’s blog (yes, I could have left out the “this article is fantastic” part; but, I thought this article was one of my better contributions and I really desired to celebrate the affirmation.)

Changing how way we respond to our children’s behaviors can be scary. There are risks associated with the ultimate outcomes of our decisions. There were times I was terrified about my options. I would contemplate the possible outcomes of my actions and they would scare me, almost to the point where I was afraid to make a decision. Some of the scenarios, and the ones I fixated on most were the worst of outcomes. Rarely did I envision the impact of that conversation leading to a positive result. I was only obsessed with the worst possible outcomes - death, homelessness, jail, prison, or a plunge off the deep end and lost to me forever.

It took me a long, long time to realize I was actually putting limitations on myself and on my son whenever I thought and reacted that way. He was never going to make a different choice about his addiction unless he was forced to look at his situation in a different manner. The only way he would even explore the possibility of changing his behaviors was when something forced him to. Once forced into a different situation in his life only then would he have to decide how he was going to respond to the change.

This does not guarantee or insure he is going to make the decision I would desire him to make. But, that is not why I am taking action in the first place. I am presenting him with a call to action of change, on my terms and on my conditions and by my rules for living an authentic, responsible life. I am actually empowering him to make a choice, his choices, about his addiction. Whatever he decides to do is up to him - it is his choice, his decision, and his responsibility. His choices are not my choices and what he decides is because he made the decisions he did, they are not mine nor am I responsible for them.

Until we assign responsibility to our children for their choices, including their addiction related choices, they will NEVER learn to make a decision, to understand the consequences of their decision, and go through the intellectual process of evaluating the potential outcomes of their decisions. We cannot protect our children from their choices and then expect them to learn and understand how to make good choices.

This is one of the harshest, most difficult realities for parents - letting their children make seemingly stupid decisions. Unfortunately, in the world of addiction and life, this is what we must let our children go and do. May you find the courage and the wisdom to take the action you know you need to. Peace!

> 100Pedals recently released two FREE programs for parents. (1) “Addiction and the Family: Four Guidelines to Embrace” is an audio progam that provides parents perspective for dealing with addiction in the family. To obtain your digital download click here. (2) “Addiction Conversation” a weekly podcast where Dave Cooke interviews parents, those in recovery, counselors, and legal experts to provide their perspectives from their experiences with addiction. To listen to an individual session click here or to download the podcast to I-Tunes click here.

Filed Under: Embrace Responsibility, The Four Wheels of Personal Leadership, Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction, addiction and parenting, change, drug abuse in the family, drug addiction and hope, drug addiction and love, drug addiction and parenting, drug addiction in the family, making change, parenting and love, parenting and responsibility, recovery, recovery and parenting

## Addiction Conversation Podcast: Episode 7

November 6, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

Even with a lifetime of experience behind her, this mom still struggled in managing her behaviors in response to her child’s addiction.

Today’s guest is thirty-nine years clean and sober, she’s a professional therapist, a passionate follower of the 12 Steps and a firm believer in her faith. With that background it would seem that she has the perfect resume and experience to be a parent dealing with addictions in her family.

Even she struggled.

Despite her experience, her training, and her commitment she battled with the adversity of addiction like all parents do. What we learn from Pam Hemphill on today’s podcast is that you cannot do it alone, you will always need help, and we cannot be perfect. Join us as Pam shares her insights for finding strength, hope and encouragement through others to stay strong, at peace, and in control on her journey.

Listen to this Episode

Download to I-Tunes

> 100Pedals has just released a FREE audio program for parents. “Addiction and the Family: Four Guidelines to Embrace” is an audio program that provides parents perspective for dealing with addiction in the family. To obtain your digital download click here.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction, addiction and love, addiction conversation, addiction conversation podcast, love, parenting, parenting and addiction, parenting and love, parenting and recovery, recovery

## Slaying the Giant

July 14, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

> If only we could focus on the fact that addiction is what is behind this [epidemic], not heroin, and begin to treat the right aspects of it; to help addict’s overcome their disease instead of just their heroin use. If you help an addict recover from their disease, they don’t have to use any substance, including heroin. [The threat is] the ever steady and more noticeable…disease of addiction that has been around since humans realized that substances could offer relief to a discontentedness within themselves. [Addiction] is real…it is killing people… if we helped individuals…solve that need for relief. If we offered them a solution to their addiction. There would be no need for heroin. Until then, the Addiction Epidemic will continue on, and on, and on…As long as addiction keeps going untreated and unnoticed, there will be a new drug problem every day, every week, every month, and every year. ~ ~ Rhea Rosier, “Stop Calling it a Heroin Epidemic. It’s Actually an Addiction Epidemic“

I read the article where this quote was taken from several months ago. I essentially archived it until now. The key point in this quote and the article resonated with me; yet, I struggled with articulating its relevance without going on a long winded diatribe.

Yesterday, sitting in a worship service, my pastor reflected on the story of David and Goliath. In his talk, he put Goliath into a different context for me. The giant, Goliath, was not the real problem in the story. Goliath was actually a manifestation of the other issues that existed at the time. As my pastor put it, we all face giant problems every day - work issues, health troubles, financial struggles, relationship problems. They are not the real issue, they are a manifestation of a bigger question - are we truly focusing our lives in the correct direction?

Through my pastor’s message and the author’s writing, I am reminded that our giant problem is not heroin. Our society has an addiction problem. Far too many people are lost, hurt, disenfranchised, suffering, unloved, and uncared for. When they reach a point where they cannot find hope and opportunity in their lives - they escape, retreat, quit. Heroin is one of those paths. It is not the only path. It is the giant we see today; but, killing the giant will not make the real problem go away.

Our relentless, selfish pursuit of wealth, affluence, influence, and power are interrupted and corrupting the individual pursuit of self-actualization. We are defined by our job title, our income, our societal status, and by the success and accomplishment of our children - which is measured by the same scorecard. We have created a vicious, unhappy, unending perpetual cycle of fear, stress, and conformity. Very few people thrive in this environment. In fact, far too many are destroyed by it. This is the source of our addiction problem.

We can help fix it; but, it requires us to recognize the problem, seek a recovery from it, and help others find their recovery.

Every one of us has had a moment of absolute pain, doubt, isolation, fear, or hopelessness. Fortunately, many of us have found a way through the heartache and confusion. Whether you are willing to admit it our not, you did not do it alone. Each one of us who found our way out of the darkness and the despair had a friend who stepped into our mess and offered us their love, their hope and their encouragement. From there, we moved forward and changed, improved, or altered our lives.

The problem of addiction requires the same commitment. Yes, I would love to solve the heroin problem; but, I am more committed to solving our human problem. Every one of us comes across someone who is at their point of absolute failure every single day. Whether we see it or not, is a different discussion. We constantly comes across people who are ready to give up, quit, escape, and surrender.

You can help them. You know what it is like to be in that place and you also know what it is like to be given the gift of love. You want to slay the dragon - pay it forward, give the gift of love, hope, opportunity, and encouragement freely, selflessly, and unconditionally. You will change a life and begin the healing process for someone who needs it. Solving the problem takes a lot of little steps and your consistent effort creates a great deal of powerful momentum. Make that commitment to help those around you - that is how we will collectively slay the giant among us.

Filed Under: Addiction, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction and love, addiction intervention now, giving love, heroin and love, hope, hope and parenting, parenting, parenting and addiction, parenting and love, Rhea Rosier, slaying goliath, slaying the dragon

## If Love was only enough

June 30, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

> Please try to remember that if love was enough, all our children would be saved. Addiction is a powerful monster, so difficult to overcome. My prayer is for each of you to find strength through your journeys and for your sons and daughters to overcome…

This was the hardest lesson - that my love was not enough. As a parent, it is impossible to imagine that our love cannot guide or save our child from their addiction. Three years ago I came to that painful reality - there was not enough love in the world to save my son. He was going to do what he was going to do no matter how much I loved him.

That really hurt. It crushed me. It took me several months to get through that frustrating reality. I have so much to offer my son, but the one thing I have more than enough to give him was my love. It was and is not enough.

From that moment on, there are three things I make a commitment to in my life daily:

1. I can only control what I can control. My son’s addiction is not one of those things. How I live and celebrate my life, how I take care of myself physically, spiritually, and emotionally, and how I give love, support, encouragement, and hope to others is within my control. That is where I focus my energy at the beginning of and all through every one of my days.
2. I love my son unconditionally. I will always love my son. He is completely empowered to make his own choices - we all are. I cannot make those choices for him or even influence them anymore. He is free to choose what he chooses — he does not need to hear my opinion, criticism, admonishment, or judgement. If he asks for my advice, I offer it. I he asks for forgiveness, I give it. If he asks for my guidance, I am there for him. I cannot rescue, save, or enable him as he lives his life. Even when or if he wants to change his life, he must choose the path and follow it. I will be the first to cheer him on and coach him if he asks me. I can always and easily offer him is the gift of my unconditional love - it is a very powerful, reliable influence.
3. I will never give up hope. Addiction takes over the mind and body in mysteriously powerful ways. It has a grip on a soul in a manner that is painful to watch. It destroys wonderful, talented, beautiful lives. Even though it has a grip on my son, I will never give up hope that he will embrace and maintain a path to recovery some day. Powerful, amazing, and unpredictable events occur in this world every single day. My son’s recovery can be one of those monumental events. I will always believe it is possible.

Love may not be enough to save my son. It is still a powerful weapon. I know my love for him is on his mind, even when he relapses. I will take that. Love and hope are the gifts we can always deliver and bring into our life daily. In the meantime, I focus my energies on being physically, emotionally, and spiritually healthy. These are the strengths I will need to guide others, possibly my son and including myself, through the challenges and adversities in life.

Filed Under: Addiction, Giving Love, Lessons In Addiction, Make A Commitment, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction, addiction and parenting, empowerment and recovery, hope, hope and recovery, love, parenting, parenting and hope, parenting and love, recovery

## Jail and Love

June 23, 2025 by Dave Cooke 10 Comments

> My addicted child went to jail today. It’s such a shame. He had just gotten his life back together since he got out of jail three months ago. He appeared to be doing well, despite a couple of slips. He had a full time job, a girlfriend, a place to live, and a car. Everything was looking good until his stupid addiction got him again. This time he is going to be gone for around seven months to a year. I am hoping a year in jail brings him home sober and committed to recovery! The first time he was in jail, I visited him, put money into his account, and paid the phone bills so he could call me. The second time he was in jail I still visited him and paid for the phone calls, but I put no money into his account. This time, he will be lucky if I visit him at Christmas! It is hard for me to do that and not see or talk to him, but I think he needs it! He needs to figure this out on his own.

I have been there. My son has gone to jail a few times himself. Fortunately, he was never there more than 110 days andiIt was always in a county lock-up so the visits were local. I gave him very little money and limited how much money I would put into a phone fund.

Having a loved one in jail, especially for addiction related actions, is difficult. I was so angry at the stupidity of it all. I barely understand the actions of the addiction, so I become even more confounded when someone does something criminal related to their addiction. It seems and feels so avoidable. Then again, we are talking about addiction related behaviors, which are always impossible to explain or understand. Just the same, doing something that can and does land one in jail really, really antagonizes me.

The last time Brandon ended up in jail, I had the same thoughts and feelings this parent did. I wasn’t going to visit him no matter what. I hated going there. I hated the process and the experience. I resented the inconvenience and the reasons I was going there in the first place. If he is going to do something stupid and irresponsible enough to end up in jail, let him sit there and figure it out. I am not going.

Then I had a friend share an interesting perspective with me…

> “You are not visiting your son for you, you are visiting him for him. You are not going there to show your support or approval for what he has done to end up in jail, you are going there to demonstrate and remind him that you love him no matter what.“

With that, my thinking completely shifted. Visiting him was letting him know that, know matter what, I love him. The first time I visited him in jail after that realization, the shock and surprise on his face said it all. He was convinced his dad wasn’t going to visit him. When I told him that I was here because I loved him and that I wanted to make sure he never forgot it, the rest of our conversation was awesome. I have no expectations that this visit will change the path to his recovery, for he has to define and find that for himself. However, the more my child knows the love that his parents have for him, the harder it is for him to embrace the hopelessness and despair of his situation. It is harder to give up on yourself when you know that there are people out there who love you and have not given up on your.

A child battling addiction makes a lot of stupid, painful mistakes. We don’t have to approve, enable, or support them. However, there is nothing more powerful than loving them and letting them know how strong and unconditional that love is - including visiting them in jail to demonstrate it. Going to visit a loved one is not easy, fun, convenient or enjoyable; but, it is probably, possibly the powerful way to demonstrate your love for them. A child dealing with addiction needs to know that more than anything!

Filed Under: Addiction, Giving Love, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: addiction, hope, love, parenting, parenting and addiction, parenting and hope, parenting and love, parenting and recovery, recovery, recovery and hope