100 Pedals

Recovery for Parents of Addicts

# Why I do what I do!!

March 31, 2025 by Dave Cooke 4 Comments

I am a dad, committed to openly sharing my story, my experiences, and the uniquely inspiring lessons associated with my youngest son’s heroin addiction. My son’s addiction has been the single most painful, confusing, dark period of my life. It has also been the greatest gift to me — for it is these experiences that have completely changed and transformed my life.

In living my commitment to be open about my addiction related experiences, I have been blessed to be part of a very large community of active parents offering similar love, support, and inspiration to other parents. I have discovered several trends within this community. First, they are engaged, active, focused, and strong. Second, there are a lot of moms and very few dads. Finally, everyone is openly authentic, honest, vulnerable, and raw in sharing their feelings, emotions, and frustrations.

It is the last trait that prevent most dads from being comfortably active in this community. Most men have never been taught, encouraged, or exposed to a male gender model who is authentic, humble, or freely and comfortable share their emotions. Being part of an active support community requires a willingness to share our deepest struggles, fears, and frustrations. This is not a normal dad thing.

We need more dads and more dads need us. Back in February a fellow, committed and passionate dad shared a blog entitled “Where are the Dad’s?” Recently, I came across another article by another committed father, “Man Up.” Both reference the challenge that Dads have in dealing with the pain of their experiences and enjoining a forum where they can comfortably and safely share their emotions, vulnerability, and frustrations. Joining an active community that encourages humility and vulnerability, while admitting helplessness is counter intuitive to our mindset and certainly forces us dads out of our comfort zone. Instead of engaging in the way moms do, we men would rather find security and safety in the bunker called ego and immerse ourselves into work rather than deal with a monster that prevents us from fixing the problems threatening to destroy our family. Addiction vocabulary favorites like hopeless and helpless are not words dads throw around all too comfortably

I am that dad, I have learned these lessons, and I have found peace in the process. I was that Dad. There was a time early in my addiction experience I was convinced that I could simply drop everything, dive in, fix the problem and save my son. I firmly believed that my love, my commitment, and my passion would enable me to solve the problem of addiction in my son. I learned a painful, confusing, and frustrating lesson — I cannot simply fix the addiction problem in my son. I cannot control it even though I am used to, and quite good at controlling many things.

> I discovered there is hope and opportunity in failure. I learned the gift that comes with true wisdom — recognize the difference between what I can control and what I cannot. Focus on being very effective and successful in the areas I can control. Release the desire to control what I cannot.

Today, I am simply a dad who loves his son unconditionally. I find peace in empowering him to live the life he has chosen to live. I accept the pain of those choices even when they hurt me most. I find comfort in the realization that these are his choices and I am powerless to change them. I am committed to be at his side whenever he asks me to be. I will always be there to offer my my encouragement and my insights whenever he asks for it.

I am Dave Cooke. I am 100Pedals. I am a father who has discovered clarity, peace, and opportunity in the midst of life’s greatest chaos. I have also found grace and comfort in being vulnerable, honest, humble, and in need. Why do I do this — To share the road map of this gift with other dads seeking the path.

Filed Under: Addiction, Managing Adversity, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Practice Humility, Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction, being a dad, being a man, Freedom Institute, grace, humility, love, My Life as 3D, parenting, parenting and addiction, peace, tranquility, vulnerability

### Comments

1. Ed Bergman says:
   March 31, 2025 at 3:34 pm

   Interesting and exciting news Dave. Thank you for finding the courage and your genuine and unique voice. Your words and shared experience of your journey are as a beacon. Not that my life is so devoid of powerful examples of fully articulated manhood but rather not so many vocally and visibly public. Excellent work. As my friend Mike Vance remarked of his relationship with Walt Disney I say to you “I am the better, the richer and the wiser for having walked part of my path with you”. Thank you again !!

   Reply
   - Dave Cooke says:
     April 1, 2025 at 7:36 am

     Ed, thanks for the words of encouragement. I am excited about the task and the adventure. Thanks for the affirmative push forward!

     Reply
2. Dean Dauphinais says:
   March 31, 2025 at 4:06 pm

   David… This is a great post and I am honored to be one of “those dads” along with you. Thanks for the shout-out to my blog post, too. I hope that we can work together and recruit more dads into our club. Real men-and dads-do show emotions and share their feelings. The old school thinking no longer applies. By blazing the trail and being examples, maybe we can convince more men to speak out and participate in their loved ones’ addiction. Love ya, brother.

   Reply
   - Dave Cooke says:
     April 1, 2025 at 7:33 am

     Dean, thanks for the kudos and the encouragement. You, too are an inspiration. I agree we are on a path to build a very powerful community of men aligned to become active in this arena. Looking forward to seeing the results of our collaboration.

     Reply

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