100 Pedals

Recovery for Parents of Addicts

## Never surrender your life to the loss in their addiction

March 14, 2025 by Dave Cooke 2 Comments

Few parents are ever prepared for the shocking revelation that their child is abusing drugs or addicted. The promise that we see in our children from the time they are born and begin to grow, to show their personality, or share their dreams and bring energy to the house is replaced with hurt, fear, despair, and loss. Like every other parent in this situation, I was no different…

> “My son—my little boy—was in trouble…lost. It hurt me through every part of my being to know what he had been experiencing over the past few months. When I reflect back on that time and start sharing and connecting with the feelings I had then, the painful emotions easily return as though they had just happened yesterday. I cannot believe that someone who had lived his entire life in a safe, healthy, secure, and comfortable environment had fallen so far as to be living on the street behind a strip mall, next to a dumpster. That a life that was filled with so much promise was now linked to drug abuse, addiction, and jail. It was beyond the scope of anything I had experienced to that point.” ~ Behind the Dumpster - The Story of a Son’s Addiction, a Father’s Love, and a Bike Ride

I ended up dropping everything I was involved with and totally engaged in saving my son. I quickly discovered there was much more to his addiction, to any addiction, than simply making a commitment to rescue my son. Like most parents, I learned the most painful lesson of all, there is no cure and there is no opportunity for a recovery until the addict wants one. Even then, that road is hard, painful, long, and torturous.

It took me eighteen months to realize that my son had to first save himself. I had to find peace with his choices, decisions, and actions. I had to learn to accept that there are aspects of his life that were and are completely beyond my control. And, I had to learn to focus on my recovery from his addiction, to find peace in the storm, and to learn to accept that this once promising life would be forever changed.

When it comes to addiction, there is no going back. Recovery means that we pray our child discovers a path that allows him to recover from his addiction so he can begin to live his life free from his addiction from this point forward. However, we will never recover from what was lost, stolen, surrendered, or destroyed during the addictive phase, including our hopes, dreams and aspirations for their once promising future.

Find peace in the life your child has. If they are lost, find peace in the life you have. The hole in your heart may never heal and much of the pain may never go away. Despite the suffering, you have the opportunity to live and love and hope, but you cannot surrender your life to the loss or the addiction! It may have destroyed one life, it does not have the right or the power to destroy another!

Filed Under: Addiction, featured, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: a child's promise, addiction, addiction and recovery, Behind the Dumpster, heroin, love, Love and addiction, pain and addiction, parenting, promise, recovery

## An important lesson about the monster of addiction

March 10, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

My first lesson in addiction began the day I made that commitment to help my son the minute I learned of his troubles. Though I repeatedly was introduced to the lesson, it took me a long time before I was in a position to truly understand and learn it. That first lesson is both powerful and obvious, though we parents are blinded by our loving commitment and are unable to really learn it, at first. Try as I did — and I tried everything — nothing brought Brandon around to his recovery until he decided it was time.

I recently read an article about “Challenging the Monster of Addiction” by Joanne Kosta. As I read the article, I started to see myself in it. I started to see the other parents I talk with, coach, and present to, as well. We have all gotten caught up in our child’s addiction in the quest to save them, only to painfully and tragically discover their child’s addiction is more powerful than any parents’ love.

This was my first true reality lesson regarding addiction. If only I would have believed or accepted this fact earlier. It is the most important one to learn, as well. The beast of addiction is more powerful than any parents’ love. The unconditional love of a parent drives us and we relentlessly fight the monster at great personal - emotional, physical, psychological, and financial — cost. As Kosta writes “addicts’ lives revolve around their addictions. In turn, people who love the addict start to live their lives around the addict and his or her behavior.”

With every one of my son’s failings, every setback and every stupid decision, I would get more and more frustrated. I couldn’t understand how my son could hurt himself and his family in the ways he was. I had not yet come to grips with the powerful control the monster had on my son. As Kosta shares “You might think the person that has an addiction doesn’t care, because they act like they don’t care. They just want to get high again or drink again. The truth of it is, they carry around a tremendous burden of guilt. For the most part, these people are good people…They know what they want in life, but they’re seeing themselves failing over and over again. They see themselves hurt the people they care so much about … They actually don’t know how to stop it. They’re not sure they want to stop it, because of their addiction. Psychologically, they’re not sure they could cope.”

Kosta shared what I eventually came to understand on my own. Addiction is more powerful than your love or your desire to save your child. This does not mean you give up faith, hope, or love. It simply means that, as a parent, there is an element of letting go that must become part of the process of living with this situation.

It took me over eighteen months to come to grip with this. Fortunately, I discovered a path to my recovery and developed a program for myself that helped me distance myself from some aspects of my son’s addiction and empowered me to stop living my life centered around my son, his addiction, and his addiction related behavior.

Filed Under: Addiction, featured, Giving Love, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: addiction and control, addiction and hope, addiction in your family, addictions control, Challenging the Monster of Addiction, Joanne Kosta, Love and addiction, the influence of addiction, the power of addiction

## The Dashed Hopes of an Addict’s Parent

January 20, 2026 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

> “When I held my little miracle in my arms for the very first time, I rubbed my cheek on his fuzzy head and whispered, ‘Joey, my beautiful son, I will love and protect you for as long as I live.’ I didn’t know then that my baby would become an addict before becoming an adult, or that the addict taking his place would shred the meaning of those words to smithereens.” ~ Sandy Swenson, Finding Joy on Your Journey

There are far too many stories of parents who suffer with the pain, fear, and loss of a child’s addiction. While 100Pedals has become a wonderful personal gift in my quest to regain control and clarity in my life in the midst of the chaos of addiction, there is never a time where I am totally at peace because of the constant presence of the addictive experience. No matter how wonderful my son’s life is at the time, I find myself wanting to celebrate his accomplishments and the wonderful progress he has made on his journey.

Interrupting that joy is the reality that it only takes one day of failed recovery that could trigger disaster — the call from jail, an arrest, a job loss, a trip to the ER. So perilous is the celebration of recovery that I find myself preparing for the pain when there is no hint of that possibility. Scarred by the past, aware of the possibilities, and prepared for the worst — what an awful way to live.

I continually learn to focus and find peace on what I can control and celebrate. I am getting better at it. I am becoming more accomplished for being pleased and proud at what my son has achieved over the past ninety days. While that is my commitment, my focus, and my objective — putting the painful, dark and oft repeated past behind me is a continued effort.

I do the best I can with what I have and with who I am. But, I am still a dad with high hopes, aspirations, and much love for all his children. It is hard to let go of the dark experiences as I become witness to one of them struggle to find peace, joy and happiness in their life. It is almost impossible to let go and not feel for their pain at every destructive step.

I have been inspired by the raw, honest perspectives of a mom sharing her similar journey. The struggle for joy in her journey reminds me that we are never alone in our battles — there is always somebody walking a similar path or willing to join us in the struggle.

If you are subscribing to these blogs for insight, inspiration, and guidance, I would encourage you to follow Sandy Swenson and her blog “Finding Joy on Your Journey.” You will read a see more of her story in my writings as I receive so much from everything she shares and you will too! Have a great week!

Filed Under: Addiction, featured, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: addiction and parenting, addiction in your family, Finding joy on your journey, Love and addiction, parenting, parenting and addiction, Sandy Swenson