100 Pedals

Real solutions for the parents of addicted children

## Did I Say the Wrong Thing?

May 5, 2025 by Dave Cooke 7 Comments

You just found out your child is addicted to drugs or alcohol or both. Wow. No parent ever expects to receive news like this. Whether you discovered it yourself or someone told you, it’s always a shock.

Once you regain your balance, you immediately fire a million questions at your addicted child. You want to know why this happened, how it happened, and who did this to your child? As a parent, you want addiction to make sense. There must be a logical reason for it, right?

Wrong. Addiction is a complicated issue. It changes the brain of your child in illogical ways. Don’t expect addiction to make sense. It doesn’t.

This becomes very clear when your child attempts to answer your questions. It’s as if your child is suddenly speaking in a foreign language. It sounds like nonsense to you, and it probably is. But it makes perfect sense to your child.

When parents try to rationalize addiction they jump to the wrong conclusion by turning it into their issue. They begin to think the addiction must be their fault. They failed in some way as parents. Somehow, someway, they said the wrong thing. Or they made a mistake. I mean, addiction only happens in the families of bad parents, right?

Wrong. Your child’s addiction is not a reflection on your parenting skills. You can’t stop your child from abusing drugs or alcohol. Addiction happens in good families, as well as dysfunctional families. It’s an equal opportunity nightmare.

The best way to help your addicted child is to remove yourself from the addiction equation. This isn’t your problem. You didn’t create it, and it has nothing to do with you as a parent.

This is your child’s problem. Your child made the decision to become addicted to chemicals.
Loosen your grip and drop this addiction back into your child’s lap. That’s where it belongs.

When you release ownership of the addiction, you’re free to focus on what’s important: finding professional help for your child. Now you can move forward from a place of strength and do what needs to be done for your family.

********

Is your child addicted to drugs or alcohol? Is your family trapped on the emotional rollercoaster of addiction? Dave Cooke is an Addiction Coach and an internationally recognized speaker. Let him show you how to create an action plan that will move you, your family, and your addicted child back on track in a healthier direction. Contact Dave today for private coaching or book him to speak at your church, parent’s group, business organization, or neighborhood association. Go to http://www.100pedals.com/speaker-dave-cooke/ for more information or email dave@100Pedals.com.

Are you on Dave’s email list? If you’d like to receive his monthly newsletter for the parents of addicted children and weekly blog post notifications, email dave@100pedals.com

Filed Under: Addiction, featured, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction, communication, drug abuse, drug addiction, parenting and communication, recovery

## Straight talk about Addiction and Recovery

April 30, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment
http://traffic.libsyn.com/theaddictionconversation/Michael_Manning.mp3

Not many people survive a thirty year addiction filled life unless it is followed by a nine year celebration of recovery. Today’s guest, Michael Manning, is one of those special people. Not only has he been celebrating his nine year recovery he has utilized his experience and his journey to teach, coach, and counsel those who are in their own addiction battle.

Like many of our addiction conversation podcasts, Michael brings his personal brand of honesty, passion, perspective, and truth our interaction. Please join the conversation as Michael shares his views and experiences with drug courts, parents of addicted children, societal stigmas, and rehab facilities. There’s a little something in here for all of us. Enjoy!

Filed Under: Addiction, featured, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: addiction, addiction in the family, drug addiction, parenting and addiction, recovery

## 100Days That Will Change Your Life

March 30, 2025 by Dave Cooke 4 Comments

Every once in a while I receive a note or an encouraging, grateful word. This week, I received an email I had to share. I am so pleased to share this with you, not because of the kinds words about 100Pedals; but, because this mom changed her life following the very simple, foundational principle so few truly understand or embrace.

> I wanted to thank you so much for helping me. Earlier this year I had the opportunity to hear you speak about 100 Pedals at the ‘For the Love of Connor‘ event. I also had the opportunity to talk with you for a few minutes after the program.

> You asked for an update when I told you I was going to give your 100Day challenge a try. Today is DAY 50!

> In December of 2013 my youngest child, died after a 12 year battle with cancer, at the age of 32. December of 2013 was much a blur, I got through it as if I was walking through a fog. Last winter I spent many days in bed, gradually functioning, minimally, in the routine of daily life.

> December of 2014 arrived, (on schedule of course!) and my life seemed to come to a screeching halt. My son’s birthday, the anniversary of his death, Christmas, and all festivities that accompany the holidays were too much.

> In January I again found myself going down into a very dark hole and wondering if I could ever find my ‘new normal and get myself out of that hole. When my cousin asked me, I agreed to attend the ‘For the Love of Connor‘ event and I’m not even sure why I said ‘yes’. In retrospect, I was meant to be there!

> I decided to make your idea my own. Every Sunday I plan my daily ‘me time’. One hour each day is used to focus on my physical, emotional and/or spiritual well being. Negative thoughts are not allowed - change to positive is a must. For example, if negative thoughts of of my son’s death come to my mind, I make myself think about his smile, his antics when he was a little one, etc. I think about the wonderful things that I experienced with my son. Also, I try very hard to think about different, “happier” aspects of my life during this ‘me time’. I walk, meditate, read, ride a bike, dance, have had a massage, ‘pay it forward’, listen to music, and have been known to do some “retail therapy” for new pair of shoes!

> At first, it was difficult. The whole mediation thing lasted about 5minutes. I’m still working on that, up to about 20minutes, but I think it has more to do with my personality than trying to work through grief. (Yoga is way too slow for me too!)

> Today is DAY 50 and I am doing so much better. For example, March 6th, the 15 month anniversary of my son’s death…On the previous evening as I was preparing to get to sleep, I was thinking about what the next day would be like. 15 months and sometimes it feels as if it was yesterday and sometimes it feels as if it has always has been. The morning of the 6th, I woke up and was thinking about and visualizing my son and his best friend laughing. From the time they formed their friendship, in the fourth grade, into adulthood, they always laughed as if they were sharing a secret or were ‘up to something’! It was such a wonderful way to start what could have been a tough day. Ironically, I had a message from my son’s friend that morning, telling me he was thinking of me!

> My ‘me time’, for that special hour each day, has affected my thinking and behaviors during the other 23 hours of each day!!

> I am keenly aware that my life will never be the same. But, guess what? I can laugh again! And my ‘new normal’ now includes a feeling of moving forward in a positive, productive, and loving manner. My steps towards healing are headed in a great direction.

> I don’t believe that we often have the opportunity to hear what a profound effect we have on others. I wanted you to know what a positive light you have been for me. I am so glad I attended the event earlier this year and so very grateful that I met you. I am sincerely thankful for your influence in my healing process.

> Again, thank you.
> SK - Phoenix, AZ

The 100Day Challenge is an awesome program for transforming a life devastated by a painful or ongoing chaotic experience. The concept is simple - do something positive for yourself every single day to escape the chaos, the pain the negativity. Use that moment of peaceful tranquility to guide and influence your thoughts going forward. Do this for 100 consecutive days. Keep a journal. Embrace the experience. Grow with each step as you move away from your pain.

Powerful transformations do not require big, bold goals or activities; they are achieved through a systematic application of little, productive and positive steps. Take care of yourself now and your life will be changed. Peace!

* * * * * *

Are you a member of an organization who would benefit from a powerful, authentic and moving story? Would you like to hear Dave Cooke share his incredible, inspiring transformational journey through his son’s heroin addiction to a life of peace and clarity? Dave gives talks to groups large and small throughout the country. To book Dave for your next event, program, or meeting contact him at 602.903.2074 or via email.

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter for the parents of children addicted to drugs/alcohol and weekly blog post notifications, email me.

Filed Under: featured Tagged With: addiction, addiction and recovery, change, drug addiction, embracing the journey, honoring commitments, parenting, parenting and loss. commitment, self care

## Managing the Chaos of Addiction in the Family

March 26, 2025 by Dave Cooke 2 Comments
http://traffic.libsyn.com/theaddictionconversation/Chavonne_Long.mp3

Today’s guest, Chavonne Long didn’t know what to do when she realized her son had an addiction. Rather that react, she responded. Her response was to learn everything about addiction, the impact that her son’s drug of choice had on his brain and on his recovery, and she set out to manage how the family would interact and communicate in the face of this issue.

It wasn’t always smooth or easy. It was like learning a foreign language. She did it.

Addiction can and does destroy families. Today’s podcast offers constructive perspectives on how to minimize or better manage the impact of addiction on the family.

In this podcast, we cover three critical learning areas for parents who are struggling with addiction in their family:

1. How to create and define expectations for everyone, including the one with the addiction, that facilitates respect, communication, and understanding;
2. The critical importance of self-care in coming from place of strength and clarity in managing this issue;
3. The power that comes from being open, vulnerable and accessible in your external world. Hiding is not healing. Healing only comes when you bring your issue into the open to find and discover those who can and will help you on your journey.

My gratitude to Chavonne for sharing her message with us today. I know you will all appreciate her perspectives and insights. Peace.

Filed Under: Addiction, featured, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: addiction, addiction and parenting, addiction and recovery, addiction in the family, drug abuse, drug abuse and recovery, drug abuse and the family, parenting and drug abuse

## Fighting the Addict Label: Personalizing Every Addiction Story

March 19, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment
http://traffic.libsyn.com/theaddictionconversation/Jennifer_Miller.mp3

Today’s conversation features Jennifer Miller - a mom with two perspectives to her addiction story. As a professional therapist, she works with young adults and their families dealing with the issue of addiction on a daily basis. As a mom, she witnessed the devastating effects of addiction through her 27 year old son’s opioid addiction battle.

As more and more stories of children dying from addiction overdoses have been shared, Jennifer made a commitment to be more involved, engaged, and active. Her passion for this cause clearly resonates in our conversation.

Listeners to this podcast will learn from her story about her son. How he went from a wildly popular, accomplished, scholarly student to a young man struggling with his addiction.

Plus, we discuss the impact that labeling people “addicts” has on their recovery, the perceptions it reinforces, and how we can change the addiction discussion simply by changing how we talk about it.

As Jennifer declares there is a battle out there; but, it is not the battle we think we have been fighting. “It’s not a war on Drugs, It’s a war on People.” To fight this battle we must all be engaged, educated, and supporting each other.

Reference Links:

Redemption House (Facebook Page)

Christian Counseling and Education Foundation (Website)

Chasing the Scream (Book)

Beyond Addiction (Book)

Filed Under: featured, Lessons In Addiction Tagged With: addiction, addiction conversation podcast, addiction podcast, parenting, recovery, treatment

## It is time you took back control!

March 16, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

“No matter how dark the present appears, I choose to live for the promise of the future and celebrate the opportunity to learn and grow in the process.”

Even in the most normal of times, life often presents us with difficult, challenging days. Several years ago, there were many days where my son’s addictive choices seemed to completely disrupt my life and destroy my joy. Every deceptive, addiction ridden action became a distraction. Finding a cure for his addiction, changing his behaviors, managing his choices became an obsession with me. Every failure to slay the dragon of his addiction increased my frustration and fed into my resolve to win this battle. With all that was expected of me in my life, tackling his struggles was almost too much to bear.

It only changed when I empowered myself to live and celebrate my life and those components of my life I was in control of.

Here are four realities when it comes to life’s issues:

1. No matter how bad it is, it can and will get better.
2. It can only get better if and when you decide it will.
3. Things will not get better on their own!
4. Only those issues you have control over can be changed!

It begins by changing how you look at your struggles. Examine who you are giving authority to in your life. Decide how you are going to take control of what you can control and learn to let go of what you can’t.

It took a while - eighteen months to be exact; but, I finally figured it out. Try as I may, I could not change the course of my son’s life. His choices are his and I have no authority or power to stop them.

In the face of adversity or defeat or this reality…

- You can continue fight this insane battle;
- You can curl up in the pain and frustration of your failure and surrender;
- You can get busy focusing on you, what you are in control of, and begin to change your life.

I chose to change my life. You can too!

Leverage your talents, skills, and energy focusing on managing your life and those issues under your control. Tune out the noise of the chaos around you. Trust and believe in your ability to work around your issues while obtaining powerful, inspiring lessons along the way.

When you effectively manage your issues, those external distractions have less authority in your life.

When this storm passes, and it will, you will be blessed and better prepared for the next one. Plus, you will be able to share the lessons of your experiences with those struggling in their life storms.

When you choose to live the promise of the future - your future - and avoid getting up in the uncontrollable chaos of your loved one’s life, you will find the peace and clarity you desire in your life. It begins once you let go of those issues beyond your control and zero in on those challenges you have the authority to take care of. Do this and your life will be changed. Peace!

********

Is your child addicted to drugs or alcohol? Do you feel trapped on an emotional rollercoaster? I can help. I’ve been there. I’ve experienced your pain, anguish and despair. That’s why I offer private Parent Coaching by phone ($55.00 per hour). I’ve developed a 7-step strategy that helps my clients regain their emotional balance, so they can move forward and reclaim a life that is spiraling out of control, yours. To learn more, contact me.

Filed Under: Embrace Responsibility, featured, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: addiction, addiction and empowerment, empowerment, empowerment and parenting, love, parenting, recovery, recovery and empowerment

## Never Lose Hope - Incredible, Miraculous Recoveries Can and Do Happen

March 12, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment
http://traffic.libsyn.com/theaddictionconversation/Jack_Kelly.mp3

Today’s podcast features an incredible, if not improbable story. At 22, Jack Kelly was homeless, living on the streets, and addicted to heroin. Having lost everything that was important to him – his family, his athletic prowess, his dreams – all he had left was his addiction.

Even though they don’t have to, too many stories end here. Fortunately, for us and for Jack this story demonstrates that recovery is possible. That hope is not wasted. And, those who find their recovery are capable of incredible, successful life outcomes.

When you listen to this podcast, you will hear how Jack found his recovery, turned his life around while living and celebrating an accomplished, exciting life – running for office in his hometown of Boston, working for and mingling with community leaders, and even developing the IRecover App to help those in recovery connect with others in the same situation. Never lose hope, never give up – it possible. Jack is proof amazing recovery stories can and do happen!

Links of Interest:

Twitter: @Jack Kelly111

Facebook: Jack Kelly

IRecoverApp

Jack’s Story

Filed Under: featured, Inspirational Perspectives, Learning From Experience, Lessons In Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction, addiction conversation, IRecover App, Jack Kelly, recovery

## Stepping Off the Emotional Rollercoaster

March 9, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

One day several years ago, as I began my morning bike ride, I got a weird feeling about my son, Brandon, who was living with me at the time. You know what I’m talking about. That subconscious “oh-no” feeling when something doesn’t feel quite right.

But Brandon had been doing really well in recovery, so I brushed it off and continued my ride. Yet the urge to turn back wouldn’t go away. Instead of stopping, I prayed, “I’m putting Brandon in Your hands.”

Unfortunately, when I returned I discovered why I felt so troubled. After twenty-one days Brandon had relapsed, stolen my bank card, withdrawn money, taken the car, driven to a drug dealer, and bought heroin. Then he returned to the house, replaced the card, and left for the gym to shoot up.

At that moment my happy, hopeful world came crashing down. I was bombarded with feelings of failure, deception, and betrayal. I told him to move out. I just couldn’t handle it anymore.

Even so, I kept wondering how something like this could have happened. What had he been thinking? He seemed to be doing well. Why didn’t he tell me he needed me? I would have delayed or skipped my ride if he had asked. Why hadn’t he phoned his sponsor instead of his dealer? These questions and a thousand more raced through my mind.

Once again, Brandon had jerked my emotions up and down, from joy to despair, from celebrating the best days we’d had in a long time to mourning, pain, loss, and grief. Still, I blamed myself. I should have stayed. I should have listened to my instincts. I should have paid extra attention to him.

Now I know better. The fault wasn’t mine. Brandon was old enough to take responsibility for his actions. That was his job. Not mine.

Since then I’ve learned how to take better care of “me.” I’ve learned how to self-differentiate and set firm boundaries. I’ve stepped off the emotional rollercoaster of codependency.

As the parents of addicts, we all have to do this at some point. It’s not easy. But it’s the only healthy way to help our kids.

I know that now, and I’m at peace with it.

********

Is your child addicted to drugs or alcohol? Do you feel trapped on an emotional rollercoaster? I can help. I’ve been there. I’ve experienced your pain, anguish and despair. That’s why I offer private Parent Coaching by phone ($55.00 per hour). I’ve developed a 7-step strategy that helps my clients regain their emotional balance, so they can move forward again and help their kids in healthy ways. To set up an appointment, call Dave Cooke 586-201-9057 or email email Dave today. You and your child are worth it!

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter for the parents of children addicted to drugs/alcohol and weekly blog post notifications, email Dave.

Filed Under: Addiction, featured, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction, finding peace, parenting and addiciton

## Addiction and Parenting - Sometimes you have to get out of the box

March 5, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment
http://traffic.libsyn.com/theaddictionconversation/Gerry_Standard.mp3

When it comes to parenting and addiction, “sometimes you have to think out of the box.” Today’s conversation features the story of a mom, Gerry Standard, who found herself at a point of desperation. She didn’t know what else to and decided to trust her instincts and her research and do something different. Her “different” was Ibogaine and her experience began over six years ago.

We talked about Ibogaine with the staff at Crossroads, Inc. on a previous conversation. In that conversation, the team shared wonderful insights and opportunities for the Ibogaine approach.

It was quite interesting and compelling to hear the personal story of a family’s direct experience with Ibogaine*. Since her daughter’s Ibogain treatment* six years ago, she has been clean the entire time and has made great progress in reclaiming her life.

Those who listen to this podcast will again discover that Ibogaine is only part of the recovery process. Aftercare is also the other critical component; plus, a willingness to all members of the family in recognizing responsibility for making changes in their own life as part of the recovery process.

If you have not listened to the podcast on Ibogaine, I would encourage you to listen to it as part of the educational process. Gerry shares and supports much of what is presented in the Ibogaine podcast; but, it is even more impactful when listened to in conjunction with the previous Ibogaine conversation.

Gerry also shares her Ten Rules for Dealing with your Addicted Child.

*Note: Please do not confuse Gerry’s experiences with Ibogaine as an endorsement of the work being conducted at Crossroads, Inc. These are separate conversations and are not to be construed as related or a direct endorsement of the program at Crossroads.

Links:

Addiction Conversation: The Ibogaine Process

Ten Rules for Dealing with Your Addicted Child

Filed Under: featured, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction, addiction treatment, Ibogaine, parenting, parenting and recovery

## Addiction in the Family – Two Generations, Two Stories, One Giant Gift

February 26, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment
http://traffic.libsyn.com/theaddictionconversation/Jeff_Bertolet.mp3

What happens when a father’s recovery journey is not enough to protect his daughter from following her own addiction path? In today’s conversation we hear the story of father who spent a good part of his life fighting to find his recovery to be the dad he knew he could be. And, the subsequent story of his life in recovery as his daughter fought her own addiction battle until she nearly died from an overdose.

It has been a long journey, the lessons, experiences and outcomes of their choices have had lasting impact; but, love is the victor in this battle.

In this podcast you will hear about the journey of addiction, how guilt and hopelessness can trigger more abuse, and how recovery can be found in very unique and special ways. My thanks to Jeff Bertolet for sharing his incredible story and committing to using his story to inspire others.

Filed Under: featured, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction, addiction and parenting, addiction and recovery, addiction conversation, addiction conversation podcast, addiction in the family