100 Pedals

Recovery for Parents Dealing with Addiction in their Families

## Any recovery program requires work and commitment

September 29, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

> “Sadly, the millions who fail, despite what they might tell you, don’t really want to get better. They don’t really want to change. They are scared shitless to be honest. They are scared to recover and be happy. Happiness is a foreign language to addicts, whereas chaos and misery are our best friends. Failure sets the bar at zero, and then we never have to worry about disappointing people. We never have to worry about becoming too successful and dealing with the risk and discomfort of loss. Truly, we are cowards.”

Charlie, the author of this blog, speaks quite frankly about addiction and recovery. He is quite blunt and fearless about what he thinks and feels. I have found much of what he shares in his blog “The Privileged Addict“to be refreshingly “unconventional.” When I read the words in this post it immediately reminded me the impressions from conversations with my son when he was in his state of denial and justification.

It is hard to admit and commit to doing the work required to recover. It is a challenge to face the risks of failure or disappointment associated with recovery and relapse. It is difficult to accept the fact that change may be possible as the addict within fights for survival, coexistence, and maintaining the status quo. In summation, the battle seems much larger, more difficult, and less appealing in many ways than simple surrender. Surrender is much easier. Girding for battle is often too scary and very hard.

A person with an addiction has spent a large component of their lives feeling lost, dark, unhappy, and disappointed. Believing in something that is beyond what they know or have known or become comfortable with is difficult. Add to that the risk associated with making a declaration to do something they cannot really see as possible makes doing it even more challenging.

Put yourself in their shoes.

What have you given up that you love? Do you smoke? Do you drink? How about that morning coffee or your favorite food or dessert? When was the last time you made a commitment to do something that totally and completely terrified you, scared you, or put you in a spot where you had no idea how you could possibly accomplish it?

If you haven’t accomplished it, achieved it, or put yourself in position to do it - then, you don’t really understand this type of challenge in the first place. This empathy challenge is not about looking at what you have always done, it is about tackling something you have never done.

It is not a requirement to be able to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes to justify your frustration with their unwillingness to save themselves from something that is destroying them. However, to truly understand what that struggle is like, can’t hurt.

Next time you say “I don’t understand why….?” simply look in the mirror and ask yourself “when was the last time I permanently gave something up that is not good for me?” If you haven’t successfully tasked yourself with an impossible or difficult challenge to make a permanent, positive change to your toxic or bad habits, that is why you don’t understand. You cannot comprehend the challenge or the pressures associated with a call to action like this. It may help if you did.

Recovery from anything is hard work. Quite honestly, I stink at giving up many of the things that would make my life better. Because of that, I never try to to understand my son’s choices. I know what it takes to make a significant and permanent change in my life. I have in some areas and I can honestly declare it is not easy. I only pray that in his awareness of the damage that heroin in doing to him in his life, he realize his life would be much, much better without it; and I hope that he finds the discipline, the commitment and the joy that comes from giving up what is hurting him.

Hope this gives you something to think about…

> Every Tuesday, Dave Cooke hosts the Parents’ Support Network. This is a free, on-line chat room for parents and family members looking for love, support, encouragement on their journey with a child’s addiction. To learn more, click on the Parents’ Support Network link.

Filed Under: Addiction, Maintaining Focus, Make A Commitment, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: commitment and recovery, parenting, parenting and addiction, parenting and recovery, recovery, The Privileged Addict

## Coming Soon

September 23, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

The Conversation starts October 9.

On Thursday, October 9 the The Addiction Conversation begins. The Addiction Conversation is a weekly podcast. Every Thursday, Dave Cooke shares an interview with today’s most passionate and vocal addiction related activists and experts. You will hear from a wide ranging of guests championing awareness, hope, encouragement and change to the issue of addiction in our society.

The guest list includes authors, speakers, parents, those in recovery, counseling professionals, plus legal and law enforcement experts.

Any parent with an adolescent aged child concerned about the epidemic of addiction in their community will find these podcast insightful and educational. Any parent struggling to find information and answers in the face of their child’s addictive behaviors need to join The Addiction Conversation.

Please join Dave in The Addiction Conversation. The Addiction Conversation will be available on I-Tunes, as well.

If you have someone you believe would be a great guest for Dave, or if you are interested in being a guest on his podcast, please contact Dave Cooke.

Filed Under: Addiction Conversation Podcast Tagged With: addiction, addiction advocacy, addiction awareness, addiction education, podcast

## Continuing My Roller Coaster Journey

September 15, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

“Sometimes the thrill of soaring h as to begin with the fear of falling” ~ Crystal Lewis, “For Such A Time As This“

I have never been too keen on roller coasters. It is my fear of heights combined with that sense of being completely out of control through a turbulent ride that prevents me from truly enjoying the roller coaster experience. More often than not, my roller coaster experiences have been about survival than thrill or entertainment.

I am certainly living a roller coaster experience, right now. Many times I feel like I am surviving the ride, hanging on for dear life, and struggling to find comfort in completely letting go. I have found much comfort in my faith that my current struggles, like a roller coaster ride, has a positive outcome with a celebratory end point that will offer a moment for gratitude and reflection regarding the entire experience. It is extremely hard to imagine such a moment when in the middle of this current ride as I am constantly jostled about by a new twist or turn or calamitous descent.

As I listened to the song, “For Such A Time As This“, I thought about the roller coaster ride that is my life. I have always been a person who was unafraid of change, willing to be challenged, and capable of making it through troubled times. I know that this current journey has given me much more than I have ever wanted and challenged me far beyond anything I believed I was capable of. There are times where I feel like I cannot take one more ounce of stress or pressure.

Even so, my heart tells me to move on, to press forward, to see where the journey takes me. Surrendering now only denies me the opportunity to discover how the ride ends and prevents me from learning and celebrating the most important lessons. Just like the roller coaster rides at the amusement park, you cannot really appreciate them unless you ride them. And, you have nothing to celebrate in the process if you don’t embrace the adventure.

I am going through the most difficult piece of my life’s journey. Finding the clarity, the strength, the confidence, and the commitment to continue has been more difficult than ever before. I wish there was a way to stop the ride or find another one, but there isn’t. This is my ride. This is my time. And, this my greatest opportunity. I will forge ahead because I am determined to discover and celebrate the end of the ride.

> For such a time as this
> Isn’t it much too great a risk
> I’ve never flown from the edge of a cliff
> Never walked on the water
> But if I turn away
> How will I know what I have missed
> Have I waited all of my life
> For such a time as this

Filed Under: Addiction, Celebrating Accomplishment, Make A Commitment, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, The Four Wheels of Personal Leadership, Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction, dealing with adversity, embracing life's chaos, hope, life's challenges, Managing Adversity, parenting, parenting and addiction, parenting and hope

## The cure and clarity in solitude

September 8, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

> Now, I was making the same drive alone, with nothing but my thoughts, my emotions, my fears, and my pain. It was a very long, quiet, tearful ride home. I had a lot of time to think, reflect, hope, and dream. Road trips can be very beneficial at times; this was certainly one of those cases. ~ DC, “Behind the Dumpster”

Never underestimate the power of escape. In the daily chaos of an addiction affected life, far too many parents completely immerse themselves into the issue until they have nothing left to offer or get completely lost on their journey. The obsession to fix, solve, love, understand, protect, save or survive can obsessively take over our lives. We lose sleep, we shed or gain weight, we stress out, we shun friends and relationships, we hide our shame and our guilt, and we slowly, systematically destroy ourselves. All in pursuit of something we have no control over - our child’s recovery.

When I captured this thought in my book, I was lamenting my drive from Detroit back to Phoenix. The previous time I had made this trip it was with my youngest son, Brandon. We drove from Detroit to Phoenix to move my business there. It was our best father-son road trip. We laughed, relaxed, enjoyed quality one-on-one time, and we made it an interesting adventure. It was the high point of my relationship experiences with him.

On this next, particular road trip, I was alone. I had gone to Detroit to rescue my son. He had been arrested. He was homeless. He was seriously addicted to heroin. He needed his dad. I went there to help him, to see what I could do to move him to Phoenix and give him a new start. Unfortunately, he had some legal obligations that prevented me from taking him to Phoenix. Instead, I watched him go back into jail to participate in a 30-day recovery program and I was left to return to Phoenix alone with nothing but my thoughts.

It is normal for life to present us with adversity and challenges. Those associated with a child’s addiction are incredibly more intense and difficult. Nothing can be fixed or improved by reacting to the problem. But, everything can be better managed when we respond to the situation. Accomplishing this requires we have made time to think, reflect and better understand what is going on. Clarity, commitment, strength, and courage all come from being organized and introspective.

This where peace, quiet, solitude and reflection are so important. Event though the time alone was very powerful, I didn’t take full advantage of my long journey home from Detroit that day because I became so obsessed with fixing, solving, and understanding the problem that I did not step back far enough from it to discover better potential outcomes or responses. I was still reacting to the situation.

Make time to be quiet, to escape, to find an internal peace in your mind, your body and your soul. Once you are quiet and relaxed, you will discover the answers to your most difficult and challenging questions. You will find the strength to carry on. You will discover the inspiration and the courage to have clear and constructive conversations with your child and others. You will find uncover great ideas. You may not like them and that is your option. However, the best ideas come when your energy is positive and clear and relaxed. I cannot share this little piece of wisdom enough - make time every single day to be quiet, to escape and to discover - it will completely change your life. Peace!

> Looking for a safe, confidential, and convenient forum to interact and share with other parents dealing with addiction in their family? Every Tuesday, 100Pedals conduct the Parents’ Support Network - an open, confidential, online chat room for parents to share their stories, learn from each other, and offer hope, love, insight, and encouragement. Please join us. If you wish to learn more - click on this link.

Filed Under: Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction, hope, meditation, parenting and addiction, parenting and hope, parenting and recovery, parenting and reflection, quiet, recovery, reflection, solitude

## Motivation is overrated

September 4, 2025 by Dave Cooke 1 Comment

“Our inner voice possess the greatest insights to our desires and our soul, we need to respond to its direction more than anything else.” ~ DC

The drive and desire to do or accomplish anything really has very little to do with motivation. What puts that call to action in front of us in the first place is actually that internal voice that tells you what you know you need to do.

Responding to that voice and taking action requires no motivation. It merely requires the simple recognition and the trust that our internal voice is correct and knows what is best for us.

People need motivation because their selfish, lazy, or fearful self challenges the internal call to action. Once one responds to that challenge, the negative voice has found an audience, and with it all forward movement is stopped. When forward movement is stopped, getting it started again requires extra energy or the motivation to do it.

Getting to where we desire to go in life has little to do with motivation. It is achieved when we simply and consistently listen to the inner voice and take action upon its calling. Being responsive to our inner self when it calls us to move would eliminate the need for any motivation to do it. Our voice is all the “motivation” we need.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: action, inspiration, inspiration and change, motivation and action, motivation and change, motivational living

## We know the truth, we only wish we were wrong…

September 2, 2025 by Dave Cooke 8 Comments

> “I just returned home after dropping my son off at a thirty day program over five hundred miles from his home. He is a chronic relapser. I struggle to know if I did the right thing. Everyone has an opinion. The doctor and counselors were adamant that they needed to get out of town and find a new venue or he would probably die. Others think I’ve spent too much money and I shouldn’t spend another dime on treatment. Thank goodness my husband and I separate our money so I didn’t have to fight with him about this. I made a decision I could live with; but this has got to be the last time.” ~ A mom living the addiction battle

I am right there with this mom — right now, in that very same real and raw moment. I have been watching my son battle the demon of addiction on his terms for the past few months, knowing he was progressively slipping away. I did what I could to help keep his head above water, knowing the struggle was increasing every day. I knew I was losing the battle, but a piece of me kept saying “don’t quit on him - keep him moving forward.” Even though I was partially successful in keeping him inside the ropes and moving forward, there was another voice reminding me “he is going to use, he is slipping, and there is nothing you can do about it.”

This weekend the latter voice’s prediction came true. Brandon surrendered to the desires of his addiction. Today he is not home, he is on the street, he is lost. I knew there was nothing I could do for him. I knew that unless he embraced a recovery program he would not be able to successfully fight the battle for his recovery and his life. He didn’t. He wanted to manage his recovery on his terms, in his way, playing homage to many of the rules but not the most important one - complete surrender. And, I knew there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Today I mourn the departure of my son Brandon from my daily life. The addiction in Brandon is going strong and getting stronger. I look forward to the day when my son decides the addiction has to go. Until then, I continue my fight to help, love, support, inspire, and guide other parents through this painful journey. And, I pray repeatedly for God to watch, protect, and inspire my son.

We all know the truth about our children and their addiction. We wish we were seeing it incorrectly. Unfortunately, wisdom has a way of seeing reality through the gift of experience. There is no way to hide or run from the truth even when we don’t like it.

Brandon, you are a gift. You are loved and you are cherished. I pray you find your way home.

> Today marks the first day of the 100Pedals Parents’ Support Network - an open, confidential, online chat room for parents to share their stories, learn from each other, and offer hope, love, insight, and encouragement. Please join us. If you wish to learn more - click on this link.

Filed Under: Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction, parenting, parenting and addiction, parenting and hope, parenting and relapse, recovery, relapse