100 Pedals

Recovery for Parents Dealing with Addiction in their Families

## Inoculating yourself with HOPE is not the answer

May 29, 2025 by Dave Cooke 1 Comment

Far too many parents, though aware of the threat and the epidemic of heroin in their community, have inoculated themselves with hope - hope that addiction won’t find its way into their homes. This may work - until or unless it doesn’t work, then what?

Wake up parents — HOPE is not an answer, a solution, or a strategy!

On my recently completed five week trek across the country, I learned two things about the addiction challenge in our communities:

1. Those that know what heroin can do to destroy lives and dramatically change a community are actively involved in getting the word out, creating awareness, and finding any way possible to get ahead of this epidemic.
2. Parents living in denial and fear while embracing love, hope, and someone else for protection from this beast are looking in the wrong direction. They need to get engaged, involved, and educated!

It is a fact that one in every 12 families in this country are and will be dealing with substance abuse related addiction in their families.

> ONE IN TWELVE FAMILIES ARE DEALING WITH SUBSTANCE
> ABUSE RELATED ADDICTION IN THEIR FAMILIES!

At least one family in your neighborhood, your church, your classroom, your yoga class, and your work is dealing with an addiction related issue in their family. It is everywhere. It is right in front of you. If you are not involved, engaged, informed, or prepared the time to be in now. Drug abuse, particularly heroin, is in mainstream society and your fear, judgment, or stigma embracing mindset cannot protect your family alone.

It is going to take an actively committed community — parents of addicts and non-addicts alike — to get ahead of the problem. Even though it may not have hit your house yet, there is no guarantee is won’t. Eight in every one hundred households are dealing with this issue!

Now that I have your attention, let me encourage you become more active!

- Be involved: Whether your child is “perfect” or not, search out and become actively engaged in learning more about abuse related issues in your community. Attend these sessions so you can become a knowledgeable and passionate resource for your family and your community.
- Get engaged: Learn to talk about the issue with other parents. Share with them your fears, your concerns, your rules, and your commitment to help them protect all the children in the community. Be open to discovering ways to proactively protect your community from this threat and enroll other parents in the program.
- Open your heart and your mind: So many parents suffer in silence because they don’t know who to talk to or where to go to find help. If you are one of the fortunate ones who doesn’t belong to the club of parents in pain, it doesn’t mean you cannot help those parents who are members of this club out. It does mean you will need to learn more about this problem, this issue, and how you can support and love those who are hurting or suffering. Remember, it could be you someday!
- Look inward: What roles are you modeling? Are you the parent that leans on medication, pills, or alcohol to feel better? Challenge yourself to look at your habits, behaviors, and dependencies. Your willingness to examine and change your habits may be enough of a call to action to influence a different outcome with someone in your family.

The Hope Inoculation does not work! Hope is not an agent of change! Be involved, get engaged, be open and receptive, and challenge yourself. This is a life and death battle in our communities and the best weapon is a informed, involved and committed parent.

I am starting a parents’ outreach program here in the Phoenix Area. If you are interested in joining me, learning more, and becoming involved contact me. I could really use your help and would love to be of service to those who need my help. CONTACT ME!

Filed Under: Addiction, Make A Commitment, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: activism, addiction, community involvement, heroin, parenting, parenting and addiction

## The Parental Struggle

May 27, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

Dad and daughter as Head Coach and Assistance Coach on the Softball Field. Any modeling behaviors going on here?

I will never say, nor do I believe, that the source of a child’s drug related choices are a by product of parenting. They are not! There are so many factors that go into defining what a child is or becomes, it would be carelessly simplistic to lay the blame for the life of an addict 0n their parent.

As parents we have a responsibility to recognize the power, influence, and impact our parenting behaviors has on our children. And, we have a responsibility to closely examine how we can continue to improve, change, and grow in this arena.

I recently read an article in Linked In originally featured in the Laguna Beach Independent about parenting in this age of addiction. The parents quoted in this article had lost children to addiction and offered their fresh, direct, and unfiltered commentary about the parental responsibility in these frightening times.

While I don’t necessarily exactly agree with everything these parents said, there is an excellent thread of thinking I do believe quite strongly in and am aligned with:

- “Parents must teach their children how to work through issues; they mimic what they see. ‘Preach it right through example.'”
- “Kids need parents. A parent is not a friend. There needs to be rules to protect them.”

One of the most influential books in my addiction journey is “Beyond the Yellow Brick Road” by Bob Meehan. If you have attended one of my speaking events or had a one-on-one coaching conversation with me, you will hear me reference lessons from this book quite often.

I love this book because it teaches parents two important lessons:

- How to understand the adolescent mind
- How to be a more responsible, consistent parent

One of the most insightful lessons obtained from Meehan in this book is his insights in how parents often lose credibility with their children. The primary culprits are found in:

- Our inability to model our own conformity to the rules we set for our children.

According to Meehan, as they become adolescents they start to become very observant of all adult behavior. They are looking for hope, insight, integrity, and consistency. How we model the rules, the laws, the standards of conduct we have defined for our children’s behaviors lends credibility to our teaching and instruction. If we are inconsistent, above the law, or demonstrate the exceptions to the rules, we are modeling behaviors that have no integrity or credibility in the adolescent mind. Be mindful of the model you are living — for what you do is much more powerful than what you say.

- Our unwillingness to enforce the laws when our children break them.

Meehan says that the greatest destroyer of parental credibility is failing to enforce the law when the rules are broken. The way he defines this is that we, as parents, do not need to create a lot of laws or rules; but, we need to set some clearly defined boundaries on some issues. A component of defining these boundaries is establishing what happens - the consequences - when they venture outside of them. We owe it to our children to clearly define the outcome, the result, the punishment associated with venturing outside the boundaries. When our children venture outside these boundaries, or “leave the fort” as Meehan calls it, we must be willing to enforce the consequences as they were defined and explained beforehand. If we don’t our children learn, as with everything else we have been modeling, that there are exceptions to every rule and there are no clear cut consequences for breaking the rules. Letting our children off the hook for an indiscretion doesn’t teach them responsibility, it teaches them that rules are made to be broken and breaking them has no consequence.

I am not here to tell you that doing these things will prevent your child from discovering, trying, or getting addicted to drugs, alcohol, sex, food, or gambling. What I am encouraging each of us to understand is that in our quest to learn and discover ways to minimize the risk, these are a couple of ideas that I would suggest you incorporate into your parental lifestyle.

Filed Under: Addiction, Embrace Responsibility, Giving Love, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: addiction, addiction and parenting, parental responsibility, parenting

## And that’s a wrap…

May 22, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

The journey is complete.

Yesterday (WED 5/21) at around 4PM Arizona time, I returned home from my trip - exhilarated, exhausted, accomplished. The last leg of this journey was a 28 hour sprint from Lexington, KY to Scottsdale, AZ - an 1800 mile drive with one little two-and-a-half hour rest near Groom, TX to attend to my family issues.

If you are interested in the fact, stats, and accomplishments of this trip:

- Miles driven = 7,775
- Days gone = 32
- States driven through = 21 (including Washington, DC)
- Cities I stayed in = 13
- Presentations = 17
- Participants/Attendees = over 500

Biggest surprise: Being invited to share my mission at my in-laws church on the Sunday following my father-in-law’s funeral service. I was humbled by the invitation to share and by the outpouring of love and encouragement.

Most amazing experience: My presentation at Celebrate Recovery, Mount Laurel, NJ. I was hesitant to go there. It was a two-hour drive each way. The energy, the love, and the inspiration reminded me that I am not the show, I am the messenger and the servant!

Toughest drive: I had several. I started my trip with three ten-hour drives to get to Washington, DC so I could sneak a visit with my oldest son. I drove eleven hours, through the night, in the rain, from Ann Arbor, MI to Newton, NC to be with my family for my father-in-law’s funeral. And, I drove 1800 miles in 28 hours on the last day of my trip. I know what it means to be on the road!

Greatest gift: My friends!! Like last year’s trip, I learned about the gift of love and friendship. I spent only five of thirty-two nights in hotels. All across the country, I was welcomed into homes — mostly of friends. The reception, the excitement, the hospitality shown in these stays were incredible. I always felt loved, appreciated, and welcomed and I left relaxed and prepared for the next chapter in the trip. I cannot say “thank you” enough to these people — just thinking about this level of support and encouragement waters my eyes!

Biggest challenge: Maintaining perspective. I had times where I was quite frustrated and down because of a couple of poorly attended events. Raising money, selling books, and having an audience to share my story with were all components of my journey. I had a rough week in the middle of the trip. Then, I rediscovered my perspective and it turned my around. These events were not “Dave Shows”, they were opportunities to reach out and connect and share with others to assist them with their adversities in addiction. And, if I focused on the opportunities in making one connection, it was also an opportunity for me to be inspired by their stories and their presence in these events. When I regained perspective, the journey got back on course.

“Fun” highlight: The mid-morning Friday bike ride through Manhattan traffic. With an assist from someone more experienced with this type of tour, I raced up the Hudson River bikeway, through Central Park, down Broadway, through Times Square, down 5th Avenue, past Madison Park, Union, Square, Washington Square, and down the East River bikeway. The entire NYC biking experience was a blast — but this one was king!

What’s next?

I am hosting a Talking 100Pedals Event on Wednesday, June 4 to celebrate and share the exciting experiences of this trip with friends, fans, and parents in Phoenix! Hope you will be able to join me for this cool occasion!

Plus, there will be another trip — A southern run through Texas, Louisiana, Georgia, Tennessee, North Carolina, Florida — in 2015.

Filed Under: 2014 Drive N Bike, Addiction, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting & Addiction, The Four Wheels of Personal Leadership Tagged With: 100Pedals journey, 2014 Drive N Bike, addiction, Bike New York, experiences, giving love, inspirations, lessons, parenting, parenting and addiction

## The week that was…

May 19, 2025 by Dave Cooke 4 Comments

Photo of a picture on my father-in-laws dresser. Every picture reflected his special love for family.

Last week brought to a close my fourth week on the road. This week by far was the most adventurous, though not for the reasons one would have expected or predicted on this journey. This past week included a death, a relapse, and a gift!

A death in the family: On Monday, my father-in-law passed away after a brief illness. What started out as relatively routine elective surgery in January resulted in an infection that took his life. My father-in-law has been in my life for 36 years. Though I didn’t always deserve it, he treated me as his son and loved me unconditionally as member of his family.

My father-in-law had a very special relationship with his only daughter, my wife. He demonstrated and modeled being a loving, kind, and encouraging father to his daughter and helped me experience joy that come with that wonderful gift.

I am grateful for his presence in my life. It was hard to say good-by; but, I will always be blessed by his presence and his love.

Brandon’s relapse: On Wednesday, Brandon had another significant relapse. As we speak, all I can share is only what I know — he started using again and is now in jail. Since Yvonne and I were both in North Carolina at the time, dealing with her father’s passing, we haven’t spoken with him and do not know the details.

I continue to be saddened and frustrated by the timing and outcomes of his choices. He has not learned how to manage life’s conflicts and certainly has a long way to go before he is in a position to celebrate any prolonged recovery in his life. As his father, I can only hope this time in jail will help him organize his thoughts and future actions better. I will always love him, no matter what. In my pain, I will have to work very hard to find the words and the behaviors to encourage and love him, without criticism, condemnation, or judgement while offering him hope and challenging him to embrace responsibility for a different approach in his recovery.

Homecoming and love: My in-laws live in Newton, NC. It is about 45 minutes outside of Charlotte. By my definition, they are way out in the country. What I experienced this weekend was the greatest and most significant outpouring of genuine love ever. I learned the true spirit of southern country living.

Everything associated with my father-in-law’s funeral was at the church — visitation, ceremony, cemetery, and afterward. We were loved, supported, encouraged, and fed. The genuine affection, concern, and deep faith of the people I met moved me in a very powerful way. I watched my wife and her family suffer in the pain of the loss of her father and, at the same time, receive the biggest most powerful, authentic, and genuine hug from the congregation. This was not ceremony — it was real, sincere, and comforting!

As I reflect on the events of the week, I am reminded of the pain we all deal with — death, addiction, job loss, relationship struggles, illness. Every single one of these challenges are difficult to deal with and manage alone. We all need someone!

Nothing is more powerful than love and forgiveness. Giving love those who are hurting, struggling, or lost is a wonderful gift. In order to do that, we must first look past our and their transgressions and forgive. For it is in love that we find peace, joy, happiness, and encouragement. It is in love that others receive strength, inspiration, and hope. Most importantly, true love is unconditional and unending. Without it, life is lost. With it, there is hope and opportunity. Give love to others — freely and unconditionally — and you will find peace and joy in the process.

Filed Under: 2014 Drive N Bike, Addiction, Lessons In Addiction, Managing Adversity, Parenting Tagged With: addiction, love, parenting, parenting and addiction, unconditional love

## Unconditional love, hope, and celebration!

May 12, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment
“Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.” ~ Garrison Keillor

Daughter and youngest son enjoying a moment together.

No one ever said being a parent was easy, simple, or foolproof. Being a parent is difficult, is a challenge, is a tremendous learning experience, and is a gift - perhaps the greatest gift of all!!

Yesterday was our annual day of reflection and celebration as we recognized and thanked moms everywhere for the gift of their love, patience, and commitment to their children. Our moms give us so much and ask for so little, it is hard to imagine that saying thanks one day a year is enough. We need to be continually grateful for the gift of a mother’s love. No one has given or sacrificed more than our moms.

I participated in a wonderful worship service on Sunday that offered a powerful message to moms, and dads, if they were paying attention. It was a particularly poignant message regarding the reality that being a parent is not about being perfect, or about having everything turn out as planned. Being a parent is fraught with hurt, disappointment, loss and pain, too. While we all desire to celebrate the accomplishments, achievements, and progressive development of our children, sometimes the victory dance is not what we envisioned.

When our children’s lives do not turn out as we had planned, hoped, or desired, it does not mean we have failed as parents. It does not mean that we have done a poor job of parenting. The path our children take is a humbling reminder that the plan, the course, and the direction of the life of our child is in the hands of a much higher authority.

As a parent who continues to struggle with the pain of my youngest son’s path - even in the face of his current recovery - is to find peace living my life despite the struggles and the adversity prevalent in his life. The first step on my learning curve was to understand I am not responsible for the actions, choices, and decisions of our children. Despite the social judgement thrown our way, many of these outcomes in their lives are not a reflection of my failing as a parent.

We are responsible for how we live our life and love our children despite the adversity in these outcomes. While I continue to feel the pain, the heartache, and the sense of loss associated with his journey, I remind myself there are three behaviors I can offer myself and my child:

- Give the gift of unconditional love — to love my child no matter what and share my unconditional, unrelenting love for my children every chance I get. When they know they are loved, they have a better chance to find promise and opportunity in their life;
- Never lose hope - when our children end up in a difficult place or make a troubling choice, never lose hope in the promise for their life. If you desire that they fight the battle to find, discover, and celebrate recovery they need to be able to sense that you have not given up on them;
- Live and celebrate your life! Even in the darkest, most frustrating times, I have learned that celebrating you for who you are, what you stand for, what you have to offer the world, is a valued gift to yourself and others. Even if there is pain in your life, finding hope, promise, opportunity, and joy in the life you have been given.

Wherever you are in your journey as a parent, I pray that your love, your hope, and your celebrations give you peace and inspire you to keep moving forward - for the opportunities in life are ahead of you!

Filed Under: Addiction, Giving Love, Lessons In Addiction, Managing Adversity, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: accomplishment, addiction, celebration, children, hope, joy, loving our children, opportunity, parenting, parenting and addiction, peace, unconditional love

## Loose, casual thoughts from the road!

May 6, 2025 by Dave Cooke 1 Comment

Cruising down FDR Drive in Manhattan — Bike New York event!

Two weeks down, three or more to go. I am wrestling with the notion of breaking off the trip a little early as I have had a little difficulty filling the calendar after Memorial Day in Oklahoma and Texas — maybe they don’t need me there, yet.

Despite this little challenge, the first two weeks were filled with great experiences and the next few weeks feature a lot of exciting events. I have officially driven over 3700 miles, through ten states, stopped in nine different cities, participated in eight events and have completed two formal bike rides. All in sixteen days!

I was feeling a little frustrated by my inability to correspond during this trip, until I looked at the pace of activity. I really have been too crazy busy to write. Rather than attempt to provide a quick summary of all my experiences, I have decided to bring you up to speed with some bullet points of my observations, experiences, and thoughts. If you want to know, in greater detail, the story behind the comment, just ask:

- When the wind blows in the Texas panhandle, there isn’t much it won’t move — just ask my laptop!
- Three consecutive ten-plus hour driving days is far too much for one person to do alone!
- The two great biking experiences would have been even more enjoyable if there was no wind and much more sun!
- I have learned to live out of my back seat like a true professional - space is overrated!
- The heroin epidemic has everyone concerned to the point every local resident fears their area is one of the worst hit in the country!
- Moms and dads dealing with addiction show so much pain and hurt it is hard not to feel for them just by looking at them!
- There are so many resources for getting help and support, unfortunately there are not enough people that know where to go, who to ask, or how to look for it!
- I love the passionate proactive groups that do so much good in their local community — now is the time for these groups to learn to collaborate, integrate and leverage their collective power and energy!
- I have been honored and humbled more than once in my talks — grateful for all the love and energy I am surrounded by!
- Nothing is better than the gift of friendship — new and old. This trip, like the others, features amazing sponsors, supporters, and fans! I am blessed!
- Living a life of passion and commitment is not as easy, fun, or simple as it may seem. But, it is certainly better than living a remarkably normal existence.
- Every day, every moment is a gift and an opportunity to live, learn, and grow. Even when things go wrong, there is a reason to appreciate the lesson behind the chaos.

May you find peace in the moment, joy in the experience, and a lesson in the process — when you do, your life will be enriched!

Onward — keep moving and celebrate the life you have!!

Filed Under: 2014 Drive N Bike, Addiction, Managing Adversity, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction, Bike New York, celebrating accomplishment, giving love, living with passion, parenting, parenting and addiction, Tour de Scranton

## Leaving the Comfort Zone

May 5, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” - Neale Donald Walsch

This quote comes at the very beginning of an insightful, inspiring blog that hit met me at the exact spot I am living and feeling today. Though the blog is written by and for recovering addicts, the message resonated with me quite clearly.

I am on a mission — the 2014 Drive N Bike — that is simultaneously a wonderful journey and a terrifying adventure. There are so many positive components to this trip that it is hard for many to relate to the concerns I have in association with it. Many of them see the escape and the adventure and wish they could do it. However, the mission is neither as easy or simple as it seems.

Whenever I share my concerns, worries, and fears with my trusted friends — much of it over the financial risk associated with this trip — I have been encouraged to continue to chase my passion, live in honor of the gift of my experience and live my commitment to supporting and inspiring other parents. All of this is consistent to the entire 100Pedals message, story, and philosophy.

It is difficult to surrender control, live on the edge, and take ourselves to a place where the outcome or end game isn’t clearly defined. The fear of failure or our low tolerance for risk acts as a strong impediment to big adventures.

I am certainly living in the great, vast world of the unknown right now. I am in that situation where I have surrendered complete control of the outcome of this mission to a much higher authority. I put my trust in my faith as I move forward in complete responsibility and commitment to the mission I have been called to take. I have learned from previous experience is the outcome of these types of adventures have provided amazing gifts — both along the way and in the end. However, it is always quite difficult to embrace uncertainties long enough the celebrate and appreciate the full magnitude of the trip. I have the determination and the faith to stay with this trip despite my worries because I know there will be an incredible outcome. The test of true trust comes accepting the reality that one will never know when, how or what that outcome will actually manifest itself. That is where the challenge of living outside the comfort zone exists.

I encourage you to live and embrace the featured author’s philosophy — your life will be amazingly transformed in its adoption…

> “Do yourself a favor and step outside of your comfort zone…it’s often the things that scare us the most which are also the most healing for us and for those in our lives. So don’t isolate, but rather, do the opposite. God, please give me the power and willingness to walk through fear, pain and discomfort…”

Filed Under: 2014 Drive N Bike, Addiction, Make A Commitment, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: 2014 Drive N Bike, addiction, make a commitment, parenting, parenting and addiction, The Privileged Addict