100 Pedals

Recovery for Parents Dealing with Addiction in their Families

## The Secret to Taking Back Control of Your Life

December 1, 2025 by Dave Cooke 8 Comments

“Any man can…decide what shall become of him - mentally and spiritually ~ Viktor E. Frankl

I have been reading “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl. If you are not familiar with Frankl’s story, his memoir was written about his lessons and experiences in a World War II concentration camp. Regardless of all the difficulties experienced in my life, nothing compares with Frankl’s life and death experiences. Despite this incredibly torturous existence, he offers the reader incredibly insightful perspectives for living our lives. Today’s quotes are from those writings.

As a parent with an addicted child I routinely struggled with the my choices and decisions relating to my son’s behaviors. I became so obsessed with his recovery - whether he was using or not or what “the right thing to do was” - that I ignored my own needs and lost complete control of my life. Even though I felt powerless to control or influence his life choices, I still did everything I could to manage them anyway. By constantly reacting to his addiction driven life, I unconsciously surrendered the ability to control the one thing I actually did have control over - my life.

I finally discovered how insane my behaviors were and the impact it was having on my life. With that realization I made some very clear decisions about how I was going to manage my life in the face of this adversity despite my son’s actions. It was not easy, but it was incredibly effective. What many outsiders see in the way I live my life today reflects the ultimate outcomes associated with my commitment. Not visible to most observers is the actual work over time involved to succeed in this mindset.

> The first step in our recovery is to make that declaration that I am not powerless, I am not helpless, and I will not be a victim to the events that occur in my life. I will control what I have control over and I will let go of what I can’t and trust in those outcomes.

You are not powerless to live and celebrate the life you desire. You ARE powerless to make your children live the life you desire for them; even more so for a child with an addiction. While you will forever be connected to the lives of your children, there comes a point where you cannot attach the outcomes of their lives to how you live or enjoy yours. When you do this, you give them control over your life. When you let you child’s action define how you live your life, it makes no sense to act as though you don’t understand how your life has gotten out of control - you chose to lose control when you turned over authority for your life to their behaviors.

You have a choice. If you want to control and define the outcomes in your life, do it. Choose to the live the life you desire and make a commitment to embrace that path. It will not be easy, you will stumble and sometimes completely fail. When you are clear about your commitment and your outcomes for your life, you will move toward that destination and away from the drama, the chaos, and the disruptions. You are not helpless, powerless or a victim - you are in control. Take control over your life, turn over control of your child’s life to them, and avoid confusing the two. When you do this, you will find more strength and confidence in your decisions and your actions. Peace!

> 100Pedals has recently released two FREE programs for parents. (1) “Addiction and the Family: Four Guidelines to Embrace” is an audio program that provides parents perspective for dealing with addiction in the family. To obtain your digital download click here. (2) “Addiction Conversation” is a weekly podcast where Dave Cooke interviews parents, those in recovery, counselors, and legal experts to provide their perspectives from their experiences with addiction. To listen to an individual session click here or to download the podcast to I-Tunes click here.

Filed Under: featured Tagged With: addiction, drug addiction, parenting, recovery, taking control, Viktor Frankl

## Escape is easier than you believe!

November 18, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

Many times I catch myself letting my mind wander, wishing I could simply escape what is going on around me. You know that feeling when the chaos, confusion or tensions of the day offer much turmoil and little escape. Those moments are akin to the old Calgon TV ads where the exasperated mom cries out, “Calgon take me away!”

If it were only that easy. In many respects it actually is.

I call it “re-framing your environment.” Every now and then we have this overpowering desire to escape, run away, find peace, or hide. It happens. There is something invigorating about finding time to breakaway, do something we enjoy, and simply recharge. Unfortunately the demands of family, work, and other commitments make the ideal escape — like running away from home for a week or two — difficult, even unrealistic. There are times where it seems that finding even a moment to escape and do that little something that helps us recharge is nearly impossible. In the face of these perceived limitations, despite the insanity that surrounds and drains us, many surrender and not do anything at all.

This is not good. We all need to make time to connect with our passion and recharge. If we don’t, the sacrifice eventually has an adverse impact to the point where what is being given to others in this moment of sacrifice and obligation to others ends up falling short of what they really need from you and less than what you are able to offer anymore. Eventually, the tank will run dry and then we are of no value to ourselves or anyone else.

Re-framing your environment is finding a way to break free from the chaos and creatively redefining the environment in a manner that gives you a sense of escape to make time for yourself. Re-framing your environment is about blocking time to provide some semblance of the escape needed to physically, emotionally, and spiritually recharge. The key to this exercise is embracing the notion of escape — creating a sense that you have broken away or are separated from the normal or exceptional chaos in your life, even for a little while. Obviously, activities like biking, hiking, running, walking, and meditating are easy activities in this area. For those who cannot simply go outside everyday, the exercise requires a little more thought and creativity.

> When I engaged in my one hundred pedals rides — one hundred consecutive days with a bike ride of at least one hour — I had a commitment on my calendar where I was going to be in Michigan the first week of February. In the middle of winter, there was no opportunity to ride my bike outdoors like I was in Arizona. I knew I could ride a stationary bike at the local gym in Detroit. I did it all the time. This time was different. I was celebrating incredible meditative experiences in association with these rides and simply riding a stationary bike was not the key to maintaining this state. Instead of simply riding a bike in the gym, I made arrangements with the manager to move a spin bike into the yoga room. I turned of the lights, turned up the music and rode in the dark. Through this set-up I rode alone, in isolation with only my thoughts, and had effectively created an environment similar to that which I was experiencing riding outdoors in Arizona. I successfully re-framed my environment.

It isn’t always easy to facilitate those moments that enable us to escape and recharge. At the same time, finding the time or creating the environment that works for us, is less about what is possible and more about deciding what is necessary. Sacrifice, commitment to others, and fulfilling the obligations associated with the expectations in our roles cannot be minimized — they are also not an excuse. Everyone needs time to recharge, reload, and re-energize themselves. Want an escape? Create one, re-frame your environment and make it happen!!

Filed Under: Make A Commitment, Uncategorized Tagged With: energy, escape, finding time, managing chaos, passion, recharging, running away, taking control, time management