100 Pedals

Recovery for Parents Dealing with Addiction in their Families

## The story I am living and telling

July 21, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

> “Some chapters just have to close without closure. You can’t lose yourself by trying to fix what’s meant to stay broken.” ~ Trent Shelton

Between this quote and the picture, I may seem that today’s blog is officially Trent Shelton day. It just may be. When someone shares a series of concepts that precisely reflects a philosophy I embrace, why not passionately share it?

When I was planning today’s post, I wanted to share my perspective on the story we tell and the way it is reflected in how we live our lives. As the parent of a child battling an addiction, my story could be about his struggle and my journey with him in his struggle.

While the story of his addiction is very much a significant component of my life, it is not my life and it does not define how I live it. I would love for my son to find a path to his recovery. I pray for him to find happiness, peace, and joy in a life free from his addiction. My hope for him every single day is that he moves closer to a path of purpose and clarity in celebrating and sharing the gifts, talents, and skills he has blessed with. Because of my unconditional love for him, his story is a significant chapter in my life and my story.

That is where my story with my son ends and the complete story of my life begins. For I am a dad to two other children, a husband to a wife who cares for me more than I deserve, and an awesome circle of marvelous, gifted friends; plus, I have been blessed with a unique set of my own skills, talents, and abilities that others are looking for me to offer every single day.

My life cannot be put on hold by my son’s addiction. It is not appropriate, fair, or responsible. He is living, making, and defining his choices. They are his decisions. They are going to made with or without me. Many times I do like, enjoy, celebrate, or appreciate them. Often they hurt, confuse, frustrate, and pain me. Yet, this is the path he has taken and there is nothing I can do to alter it. My gifts of unconditional love, eternal hope, and the offer of my wisdom and encouragement are the most I can deliver. That is a great deal and it is going to have to be enough. Anything more, impacts my life in adversarial ways and creates a detour on my path to living, loving, and celebrating what I have been called to do.

Every day I wake up I am presented with an amazing opportunity to live, celebrate, and enjoy the gifts in your life. This is my story. The story will be told about my life is how I lived, grew, succeeded, loved, and celebrated my life despite the chaos and adversity around me. Those that come into my life have the opportunity to choose how their story is being lived and told. It is their story, not mine. I am very careful not to lose sight of that fact or my story ends up getting lost in someone else’s life story. It is better to celebrate and enjoy my life to the best of my ability. I cannot chose how someone’s story is told, lived, shared, celebrated, or completed. All I have is the life I have been given, the gifts I been blessed with, and the calling to share those gifts in love to others. That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Filed Under: Addiction, Giving Love, Lessons In Addiction, Live With Passion, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: 100Pedals, addiction, addiction and parenting, commitment, hope, hope and parenting, love, parenting, passion, recovery, recovery and parenting, the story of our life, trent shelton

## Mending a broken heart

April 14, 2025 by Dave Cooke 2 Comments

The following quote was taken from a great article in Psychology Today, “When your child breaks your heart: The emotional toll of parenting a substance abuser.”

> When you spend nearly two decades trying to shape your child into a decent, competent, self-reliant person, it’s tempting to believe you have much more control over your child than you actually do. While every parent has to tackle the challenges of a child’s transition to adulthood, the relationship changes are particularly hard for parents of addicts. These parents sometimes believe they can love their child into doing and being better, and when that fails, some parents resort to threats. No one can “cure” an addict but the addict himself. It’s no surprise, then, that an addiction can exact a costly toll on your relationship with your child.

Recently I received several comments regarding the manner in which I encourage parents to find the strength to focus on their recovery as a key fundamental step in the healing process in dealing with the impact of their child’s addictive behaviors. Many of these comments point to the celebratory aspect of my transformational experience as arrogance or hubris reflecting some notion that I do not completely understand the depths of the pain or loss other parents may have experienced in relation to their child’s situation. This is not the case, at all.

Finding hope, opportunity, joy or celebration dealing with the most painful parental experience is never easy, simply, or trivial. Despite the complexity or difficulty in the process of a parent’s personal recovery, there is freedom and power in releasing unnecessary parental burdens. The point of the referenced article, which is the core of much of my beliefs, is that release involves letting go of what cannot be controlled or understood.

Coming to the realization that we cannot control our child’s thoughts, actions, and deeds — no matter how insane, dangerous, or inexplicable they are — is an incredible, ongoing, and confusing struggle. It is at the point of letting go that a personal transformation can and will occur in the parent. Though we are heartbroken by our child’s choices and pained by our inability to control them to create or define a different outcome, it is when we let go that we arrive at that pivotal transformational point and discover our life can begin anew — with clarity and a redefined purpose.

While I would never encourage anyone to stop loving, give up hope, or turn their back on their child, our ability to get through this adversity is facilitated by finding hope and opportunity for our lives in the midst of the chaos. We begin this process by engaging in activities that build us up, give us positive energy, and provide clarity and confidence to get through it. Otherwise, we can get stuck in that place of our broken heart and our lives become lost, as well. In this situation, no one can be or is saved.

The challenge I created for myself in my recovery from my son’s addiction was…

> “how can I create an environment where I am strong for my son when he is present and stronger for myself when he is not?”

I was devastated by his choices, I knew I needed to keep on moving forward. This is how and where I began the process. From there I found something that enabled me to focus on the opportunities in my life that offered me solutions and peace in dealing with my son’s situation. That action was the greatest gift I could have ever given to me. That my son observed this, reveled in my actions, and used it as a beacon for part of his recovery process was an incredibly wonderful added benefit!

Filed Under: Addiction, Giving Love, Lessons In Addiction, Live With Passion, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: addiction, addiction and parenting, commitment, hope, live with passion, love and parenting, parenting, passion, passion and purpose, peace, Psychology Today, recovery

## Okay, what’s next?

February 7, 2026 by Dave Cooke 2 Comments

Many of us have spent the week tripping over, reading, or sharing a variety of thoughts, blogs, articles, and perspectives regarding drug abuse and addiction. Featured among these content providers were the large group, and getting larger, of parents like me who have made it their commitment to get involved — to help, guide and support those impacted by this disease.

We are passionate about doing everything we can to educate and inform. We are involved to help eliminate the stigma of drug addiction so that society can focus on finding a cure, discovering a solution. We are dedicated to being an educational and informational resource that encourages and inspires children and adults to find alternatives to their physical and emotional pain that does not involve drug use.

> “I yearn for the moment when those that suffer from, and have fallen victim to the horrific disease that is addiction will one day be given the memorial that their souls truly deserve.” ~ Kelsey’s Blog

As the wave of shock, reflection, and mass information that proliferated our world following the passing of Philip Seymour Hoffman slows, let us not forget for every superstar related tragedy there are thousands more we don’t know about, grieve, or reflect on. What about the ones suffering today and the addicts of tomorrow?

What’s next?

- For me, I am going to get really, really busy doing my part to love, inspire, encourage, and educate.
- For the rest of you who have not lived, experienced, or suffered addiction in your life, that is truly awesome. Please be open, receptive, tolerant, and loving towards those who have. You do not understand their pain or the loss. Give yourself the opportunity to learn more.
- For those who need help. Get it. Whether you are using or have a child who is — this is the time to reach out and get busy making positive and productive and meaningful changes to reclaim a life — yours!!

Filed Under: Addiction, Inspirational Perspectives, Lessons In Addiction, Make A Commitment, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Seizing Opportunity Tagged With: addiction, inspiration, kelsey's blog, love, passion, Philip Seymour Hoffman, understanding

## Escape is easier than you believe!

November 18, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

Many times I catch myself letting my mind wander, wishing I could simply escape what is going on around me. You know that feeling when the chaos, confusion or tensions of the day offer much turmoil and little escape. Those moments are akin to the old Calgon TV ads where the exasperated mom cries out, “Calgon take me away!”

If it were only that easy. In many respects it actually is.

I call it “re-framing your environment.” Every now and then we have this overpowering desire to escape, run away, find peace, or hide. It happens. There is something invigorating about finding time to breakaway, do something we enjoy, and simply recharge. Unfortunately the demands of family, work, and other commitments make the ideal escape — like running away from home for a week or two — difficult, even unrealistic. There are times where it seems that finding even a moment to escape and do that little something that helps us recharge is nearly impossible. In the face of these perceived limitations, despite the insanity that surrounds and drains us, many surrender and not do anything at all.

This is not good. We all need to make time to connect with our passion and recharge. If we don’t, the sacrifice eventually has an adverse impact to the point where what is being given to others in this moment of sacrifice and obligation to others ends up falling short of what they really need from you and less than what you are able to offer anymore. Eventually, the tank will run dry and then we are of no value to ourselves or anyone else.

Re-framing your environment is finding a way to break free from the chaos and creatively redefining the environment in a manner that gives you a sense of escape to make time for yourself. Re-framing your environment is about blocking time to provide some semblance of the escape needed to physically, emotionally, and spiritually recharge. The key to this exercise is embracing the notion of escape — creating a sense that you have broken away or are separated from the normal or exceptional chaos in your life, even for a little while. Obviously, activities like biking, hiking, running, walking, and meditating are easy activities in this area. For those who cannot simply go outside everyday, the exercise requires a little more thought and creativity.

> When I engaged in my one hundred pedals rides — one hundred consecutive days with a bike ride of at least one hour — I had a commitment on my calendar where I was going to be in Michigan the first week of February. In the middle of winter, there was no opportunity to ride my bike outdoors like I was in Arizona. I knew I could ride a stationary bike at the local gym in Detroit. I did it all the time. This time was different. I was celebrating incredible meditative experiences in association with these rides and simply riding a stationary bike was not the key to maintaining this state. Instead of simply riding a bike in the gym, I made arrangements with the manager to move a spin bike into the yoga room. I turned of the lights, turned up the music and rode in the dark. Through this set-up I rode alone, in isolation with only my thoughts, and had effectively created an environment similar to that which I was experiencing riding outdoors in Arizona. I successfully re-framed my environment.

It isn’t always easy to facilitate those moments that enable us to escape and recharge. At the same time, finding the time or creating the environment that works for us, is less about what is possible and more about deciding what is necessary. Sacrifice, commitment to others, and fulfilling the obligations associated with the expectations in our roles cannot be minimized — they are also not an excuse. Everyone needs time to recharge, reload, and re-energize themselves. Want an escape? Create one, re-frame your environment and make it happen!!

Filed Under: Make A Commitment, Uncategorized Tagged With: energy, escape, finding time, managing chaos, passion, recharging, running away, taking control, time management

## What’s Your Story?

September 26, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

“Every life story begins and ends exactly the same — the difference is what you do in between.”

Usually one of the first questions I ask people when I meet them is “what’s your story?” I find the simplicity of the question allows anyone I am talking with to share with me whatever they want - business, personal, a little of both. I open the door, invite them to share and I they to choose the topic. I have the pleasure of listening and learning.

Each of us has a story. Actually, there are two stories. The story you tell yourself and others while you are here on this earth and the stories others tell long after you are gone.

Every life story has three parts: birth, life, death. There is nothing really different in the beginning or the end. Each story begins and end exactly the same. There may be a special uniqueness about how we entered or left this world; but, that is only a small part of the story and it isn’t what most people will spend much time reflecting on.

How you live your life — who you loved, touched, inspired — is your story.

Years ago, my college swim coach reminded me that being the superstar athlete on the team was not going to be what people remembered. What they were going to remember was the experience of the interaction and how my life evolved following my college days. I didn’t get it at the time because I was too immature and self-absorbed about my superior athleticism (or so I thought) to grasp the power in the lesson.

I get it now. Each of us is living a story. It is the story of our life — who we are, how we lived, and what we did with the gifts we were given. I am not interested in creating or building a legacy because that is not the real purpose our existence. We are not here to build monuments as a testimony to our greatness.

I am interested in and committed to sharing the power of my gifts, experiences and love to those who need me and them most. It my quest that long after I am gone the gifts I shared are passed on to others in the same spirit of passion, joy and love.

That’s my story. What’s yours?

Filed Under: Live With Passion, Living Your Purpose, The Four Wheels of Personal Leadership Tagged With: commitment, gifts, honor, integrity, living your story, love, passion, story

## “Find A Way”

September 16, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

By now many of you have probably heard about Diana Nyad and her successful quest to swim from Cuba to Florida at the age of 64. Whether 64 or 24, this is one momentous accomplishment. Having been a committed and dedicated competitive swimmer through high school and college, I can really appreciate the how difficult this quest is.

Back in the day, I used to swim somewhere between four and five hours daily. I would usually swim around 12,000-14,000 yards or just under 8 miles a day, six days a week. All I remember about that period was I was exhausted – emotionally and physically – at the end of every practice. Unlike many other sports, swimming does not offer a whole lot of down time between sets or swims to catch your breath, talk, or relax. Every single workout was a series of endless laps – back and forth, back and forth – in complete isolation. While there were other swimmers in the pool, working out with me, I was either racing against them or simply doing my thing in the water alongside them. The limit of my imagination and my experience is swimming eight miles over a five hour stretch. Even that seems amazing at my age considering I was swimming at that level nearly forty years ago.

About ten years ago, I decided to swim a 3.1 (5K) open water swim in the Detroit River. I loved it. It was a great mental and physical challenge. It took me just under 2 hours to complete the task. With that swim, reality took over and I had to admit that it is quite possible I am not as young as I used to be. During that swim I was reminded about the complete and total physical and emotional isolation that comes with swimming.

At 64, Diana Nyad found a way to complete her quest to swim 110 miles from Cuba to Florida. 110 miles, 53 hours – at 64! This was her fifth attempt at this crossing. FIVE attempts! Five times she went on a quest to swim 100 plus miles in complete physical and mental isolation. With each setback she increased her resolve and her commitment to accomplish this task. When she finally and successfully realized her objective she reminded all of us to examine our hearts and look at our dreams and quests and exorted us to “Find a way!”

Whatever your mission is, I am certain it is not as clearly mapped out as a 110 mile swim. What is lost in all the excitement of her 53 hour accomplishment is that it actually took her much longer to achieve her goal. It actually took her 35 years to accomplish her mission. From here first unsuccessful attempt in 1978 until her victory in 2013 – a span of 35 years – she never gave up, even when age, adversity, or doubt could have easily stopped her.

True, sustainable, and incredible successes often take time, commitment, passion, and perseverance. It takes the will to believe when no one else does. And, it takes the determination to “find a way” even if the answer, the solution, or the next step is not readily visible. Whatever you are dreaming about today, go after it, and “find a way”!!

Filed Under: Make A Commitment, The Four Wheels of Personal Leadership Tagged With: achievement, commitment, Diana Nyad, inspiration, motivation, passion, perseverance