100 Pedals

Recovery for Parents Dealing with Addiction in their Families

## The Start of My Personal Recovery

April 30, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

Last night I was honored to have the opportunity to present to the Tewksbury Chapter of Learn to Cope. As I have been doing at each of the presentations on this journey, I have been sharing the 100Pedals story — my experiences with my son’s addiction and my personal recovery from it.

Today I am sharing the segment in this presentation where I discuss how my mission and vision for my personal recovery began. As a parent in a similar situation, arriving arrive at this point is the beginning of a wonderful life transformation and the start of your personal recovery. To listen to the story of how I arrived at the beginning of my personal transformation — click here.

I had two wonderful experiences here in Boston. Today, I am headed to NY/NJ where I have several presentations and a cycling event on the calendar. To learn more about the activities of the next few days, please go to the events page on the 100Pedals website.

Filed Under: 2014 Drive N Bike, Addiction, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, The Four Wheels of Personal Leadership, Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction, addiction and parenting, Learn to Cope, lessons in addiction, parenting, personal recovery

## Our Addicted Society

April 29, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment
We live in an addicted society. We are addicted to quick fix, feel good, instant gratification resources. We are addicted to the simple, easy, quick, fast, painless which often manifests itself in our quest for that singular pill to solve our problem.

Have a pain? Take a pill. Want to lose weight? Take a pill Feeling down? Take a pill Can’t sleep? Take a pill.

We come home from work and we self-medicate with a “double on the rocks” or a couple of glasses of wine. And, as if we do not have enough drugs to help us feel better, we are now on a campaign to legalize marijuana “for medicinal purposes.”

Just what we need - more drugs!!!

Our society is massively addicted to something to help makes us feel better. As Jeff Shore writes in his book, “

Be Bold and Win the Sale” we are even “addicted to comfort.” We are all addicts in one form or another.

It is only when the addiction to our drug of choice prevents us from functioning in society does one become judged, classified and stigmatized as an addict. Until then, as long as the addiction doesn’t affect our performance or hurt others, it is socially acceptable to be addicted to whatever it is we are addicted to.

As a result of my experiences with my youngest son’s life journey with heroin, I have learned a little bit more than I desired to about addiction — and substance abuse, counseling, recovery, the judicial system and jail visitation policy. It is not the kind of areas I ever planned to become overly knowledgeable about. I am here in the place just the same.

Because of these experiences and the continuous rantings of less than knowledgeable and judgmental individuals, I am taking this moment to remind everyone reading this article of the ironic contradiction in their pious, arrogant, often ignorant stances.

Everyone is an addict. Don’t believe me? Check your medicine or liquor cabinet, look at the cigarettes in your pocket, or the food in your weekly diet. You are addicted to crap that can and will kill you — except its legal, socially approved, and, more significantly, it is acceptable for you to get medical help for the choices you made that nearly killed you for having made them. Now, tell me how irresponsible a young man is for becoming addicted to a drug that he had no intention, desire, or belief he would be.

Young kids make bad decisions, they make stupid choices, and there are often very unfortunate results. Instead or judging, criticizing, or dismissing their stupidity, I would encourage each of us to examine our own crazy choices — the ones we made in the past and the ones we make everyday.

Do our young children deserve to be judged and dismissed or do we need to become more responsible and creative in encouraging better choices, becoming better educated on the risks, and productively forgiven for their poor judgement?

If you agree they need more support than criticism, take a moment and learn from the mom or dad of an addict. Discover and understand their pain. Try a little empathy and love. Then, take a moment to collaborate with these parents to see how we, as a society, can begin to address this increasing threat of addiction on our young adults.

Then, look at your addiction and see what you can do to change your life by taking on your own recovery program. It sets a great example for your children and it will make a big difference in your world!

Filed Under: Embrace Responsibility, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: addicted society, addiction, addiction and parenting, Be Bold and Win the Sale, Jeff Shore, parenting, personal recovery, recovery, treatment

## 2014 Drive N Bike - Scranton

April 27, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

My visit to Scranton, PA marked the official beginning of the 2014 Drive N Bike. I had an incredible experience — a great talk, a receptive inspired audience, gracious and grateful hosts, and a enjoyable biking experience. If the next forty plus days are at all like the last two, this is going to be an amazing trip.

My entire visit was related to the 11th Annual Tour de Scranton, a local bike ride in honor of Erin Jessica Moreken who died of a heroin overdose at far too young an age. Her parents formed a foundation funded through this ride to provide assistance in collaboration with the local courts to young adults who are successfully working on their recovery program. This is a wonderful model for encouraging and challenging people struggling with addiction to assimilate into society as they make continued strides in their recovery program.

I was honored to be the featured speaker at a kick-off event the night before the bike ride. With an intimate and engaged audience of sixty parents I had the opportunity to share the 100Pedals story, the mission of the Drive N Bike, the Four Wheels of Personal Recovery (Part 1 and Part 2) and a rant. I was grateful to be part of this program and pleased to have received so many positive comments afterwards

Today, I embarked on a 32 mile bike ride around greater Scranton. Were it not for the good fortune of finding a riding partner in the parking lot when I first arrived at Scranton HS, I am not certain I would have enjoyed the ride as much as I did. The conversation, the pace, the navigational support, and the camaraderie of the ride was blessed by my riding buddy. Again, if every ride goes like this one, I am going to be one grateful person when I return home in June (seems a long way off right now). Thanks, Shaun!!

Tomorrow I am off to Boston. As I depart, I am grateful and honored to have been welcomed into Scranton this weekend. It was an awesome, amazing, and incredible way to kick-off this year’s tour!! Thank you, Tom and Betty Moreken and your entire committee!!

Filed Under: 2014 Drive N Bike, Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, The Four Wheels of Personal Leadership, Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction, addiction and parenting, cycling, parenting, Tour de Scranton

## Rediscovering your peace

April 25, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

The past week featured three 10-plus hour days of driving as I raced across the country to meet the deadline to of being in Scranton PA to kick-off the Tour de Scranton Bike Ride and mark the official beginning of the 100Pedals Campaign. As I have been behind the wheel for much of this week, I have failed to do much writing. However, I did have the opportunity to record some thoughts while driving.

I was thrilled to have passed through Wytheville VA on this trip. This area has particular meaning to me as the place where I first consciously experienced peace in my life. I have such clear memories of that moment, that I visit this place often in my mind as part of my 100Pedals exercises.

The following link is a recording of the story and the lessons from and to this experience: Revisiting Peace.

This lesson and this process is one of the most critical components of the 100Pedals process. It is from a place of peace that we make our best conscious and productive decisions. While life comes at us hard and fast, taking that moment to detach, reflect and respond is the defining difference between clear and focused action and reactive outcomes.

Filed Under: Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: 100Pedals process, addiction, addiction and parenting, dealing with adversity, finding peace. living from peace, living in peace, managing adversity, parenting, peace, peace and addiction, peace and adversity, peace and parenting, Wythville VA

## Finding strength to say good-by…

April 17, 2025 by Dave Cooke 2 Comments

The “No Lack of Void” episode (4/10/14) of the TV series “Elementary” featured a closing scene that captured my emotional attention. For those who don’t watch the show, one of the more powerful back stories in this series is that Sherlock is a recovering heroin addict. Though two years clean, the demons of the past and present offer a very interesting and moving component to his character. I have appreciated greatly the depth and responsibility in which this has been incorporated into this show.

The referenced episode closes with Sherlock visiting the cemetery to bid his friend, Alistair good-by. Following a successful 30 years recovery of his own, Alistair relapsed, overdosed and died. I was quite moved by the dialogue between Alistair’s ghost and Sherlock at the end of the show. Today’s video includes my reflections on this closing scene.

I hesitated to share this video and my thoughts. Since I was moved and touched by the scene, I felt like it necessary to go the distance and share my perspectives. Your comments, thoughts, experiences, and feedback are encouraged.

Filed Under: Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Video lessons Tagged With: addiction, addiction and loss, addiction and parenting, Elementary, lessons in addiction, No Lack of Void, parenting, recovery, relapse

## Mending a broken heart

April 14, 2025 by Dave Cooke 2 Comments

The following quote was taken from a great article in Psychology Today, “When your child breaks your heart: The emotional toll of parenting a substance abuser.”

> When you spend nearly two decades trying to shape your child into a decent, competent, self-reliant person, it’s tempting to believe you have much more control over your child than you actually do. While every parent has to tackle the challenges of a child’s transition to adulthood, the relationship changes are particularly hard for parents of addicts. These parents sometimes believe they can love their child into doing and being better, and when that fails, some parents resort to threats. No one can “cure” an addict but the addict himself. It’s no surprise, then, that an addiction can exact a costly toll on your relationship with your child.

Recently I received several comments regarding the manner in which I encourage parents to find the strength to focus on their recovery as a key fundamental step in the healing process in dealing with the impact of their child’s addictive behaviors. Many of these comments point to the celebratory aspect of my transformational experience as arrogance or hubris reflecting some notion that I do not completely understand the depths of the pain or loss other parents may have experienced in relation to their child’s situation. This is not the case, at all.

Finding hope, opportunity, joy or celebration dealing with the most painful parental experience is never easy, simply, or trivial. Despite the complexity or difficulty in the process of a parent’s personal recovery, there is freedom and power in releasing unnecessary parental burdens. The point of the referenced article, which is the core of much of my beliefs, is that release involves letting go of what cannot be controlled or understood.

Coming to the realization that we cannot control our child’s thoughts, actions, and deeds — no matter how insane, dangerous, or inexplicable they are — is an incredible, ongoing, and confusing struggle. It is at the point of letting go that a personal transformation can and will occur in the parent. Though we are heartbroken by our child’s choices and pained by our inability to control them to create or define a different outcome, it is when we let go that we arrive at that pivotal transformational point and discover our life can begin anew — with clarity and a redefined purpose.

While I would never encourage anyone to stop loving, give up hope, or turn their back on their child, our ability to get through this adversity is facilitated by finding hope and opportunity for our lives in the midst of the chaos. We begin this process by engaging in activities that build us up, give us positive energy, and provide clarity and confidence to get through it. Otherwise, we can get stuck in that place of our broken heart and our lives become lost, as well. In this situation, no one can be or is saved.

The challenge I created for myself in my recovery from my son’s addiction was…

> “how can I create an environment where I am strong for my son when he is present and stronger for myself when he is not?”

I was devastated by his choices, I knew I needed to keep on moving forward. This is how and where I began the process. From there I found something that enabled me to focus on the opportunities in my life that offered me solutions and peace in dealing with my son’s situation. That action was the greatest gift I could have ever given to me. That my son observed this, reveled in my actions, and used it as a beacon for part of his recovery process was an incredibly wonderful added benefit!

Filed Under: Addiction, Giving Love, Lessons In Addiction, Live With Passion, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: addiction, addiction and parenting, commitment, hope, live with passion, love and parenting, parenting, passion, passion and purpose, peace, Psychology Today, recovery

## Change the Channel

April 10, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

Worrying comes natural to every parent. It is normal for parents to worry about their children. It is simply part of being a parent. A parent of a child with a substance abuse issue takes worry to an entirely new level - to the point it can begin to control their lives.

This video segment focuses on how to begin the process of managing worry to productively and positively reclaim a least a part of our life.

To watch video click here or on the image.

Filed Under: Addiction, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Video lessons Tagged With: 100Pedals, addiction, managing stress, managing worry, parenting, parenting and addiction, positive action, positive activity, positive addiction, Thursday Thoughts, worrying, youtube

## Brandon’s coming out party

April 9, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

On a recent Saturday morning, Brandon and I shared the microphone on a internet based radio show. It was the first time Brandon came out from behind the story of 100Pedals and shared his personal journey in public.

I knew Brandon was quite capable and likely willing to contribute and participate. Even though I was brimming with confidence for the outcome of this interview, I was incredibly inspired and impressed by the way he engaged and shared his story. This was the first time we had the opportunities to publicly share our respective perspectives at the same time. It was a very powerful moment for me as we reflected on our experiences and shared interesting parallel perspectives about our addiction related journey.

During the course of the interview, we each had an opportunity to surprise the other with a powerful, moving thought about our lessons and our new relationship. I do not want to spoil the experience, so I encourage you to listen through the entire show and you capture each of these the gems.

Brandon is over 230 days clean. He has made incredible strides in his recovery. As we all know, it is a daily battle. With every step I continue to be grateful for each positive movement and outcome in his life.

I hope you will be able to take the time to listen to this interview. I am confident it will lift your spirits and give you renewed hope with regard to the situation you are in!

Filed Under: Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: 100Pedals, addiction, addiction and parenting, Behind the Dumpster, Christina Wagner, father and son, inspirations, love, NoLimits Radio, parenting

## Controlling what can be controlled…

April 7, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

In my evolution as a man, a dad, and a human being in dealing with my son’s addiction, I developed a powerful perspective and insight for how I managed the daily battle in response to my his choices, behaviors, and outcomes.

What became one of the most powerful lessons learned and has now become an integral behavior in every aspect of my life is to focus on what I can contro l. This will be an oft shared mantra in my 100Pedals dialogue. I repeat it often to myself and to others because this is one of the fundamental parental struggles in the addiction world.

As parents, we have become quite adept at solving and fixing our children’s problems. We have become conditioned to believe we can control or influence their behaviors. It is only when we finally discover we have lost control is where the heartbreak, helplessness, and loss of hope settle in. Until then, we parents make a deep dive to rescue, save, and solve the problems of our children.

When we finally realize we have no control is where we parents struggle with what to do about the situation. Here is how I learned to manage the process:

Step one, accept that you have no control and focus on what you can control.

Step two, never stop loving, encouraging, and hoping. These are behaviors you have control over and they are very productive and effective.

Step three, understand the difference between controlling what you can and trying to control what you cannot.

Let’s focus on step three.

I recently posed a question on a LinkedIn Group,”Addiction and Recovery in Family Business” about the difference between enablement and support and received a wonderful answer from Master Addiction Counselor and Certified Clinical Supervisor Michael Horvath:

> “What is enabling and what is support?” The black and white answer is ‘doing something for someone that they can do for themselves.’ This is not the answer I give, but the one that the group members at the church came up with. The reality is that there is more gray area in each family’s scenario, than a definitive answer. “Love” and “worry” are emotions which cannot be controlled, while “nurturing” and “enabling” are actions that can.”

As a parent, only you know when you are attempting to control the uncontrollable or fix the unfix-able. Your choices, actions, and behaviors are yours to choose and define. No one else can set the rules or define the parameters for you.

As you continue to evolve in your personal recovery program, regaining control of your life is a critical component. Regaining control is about learning to let go of what you cannot control. As Horvath shares, there is a lot of gray in this area. Only you can define it. It is natural to unconditionally love while worrying and fearing for the safety and well-being of your child. You only lose control of your own life when your behaviors and decisions are defined by the actions of your child, especially when they are in a position to do it for themselves provided they wanted to or decided to.

Only you can define your limits or rules. When you attempt to control something beyond your control, you actually lose control of what you have control over — your own life. The best place in which to solve a problem is from a position of control and influence. I encourage you to find peace by focusing first on being in control of your life. Make your decisions, choices, and actions from that place. Through this process, you empower your child to better manage their life and you maintain the path to your personal recovery from your child’s addiction.

Filed Under: Addiction, Maintaining Focus, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction, control, empowerment, enablement, influence, linked in, love, parenting, parenting and addiction, personal recovery

## Addiction’s collateral damage

April 2, 2025 by Dave Cooke 5 Comments

The destruction of addiction in a family is significant. While addiction hurts the addict, it also leaves a wake of destruction on the rest of the family. Relationships suffer, negative emotions abound, and innocent victims are part of the collateral damage.

A mom writes…

> I am so depressed. I don’t know who my boy is anymore and I don’t even know know who I am. Addiction has destroyed my kids, my relationship with my husband and my life. I have severe depression don’t know if I even want to do this anymore. I need prayers for strength please. I am hurting so bad.

I reached that same point with my son and his addiction. I could hardly get out of bed. I felt like the walking dead. My heart hurt for all that was going on around me. I lost focus on the rest of my life as I zeroed in on saving my son, only to realize that everything I was doing wasn’t working. In the end, my relationships, business, and health all suffered.

To this mom, I would offer this perspective from my story. Once I realized my life had spiraled completely out of control in my pursuit of saving my son, I seized control of the one component that I did have influence over — my life.

Instead of focusing all my efforts on convincing, forcing, encouraging, or fighting with my son to make better choices and pursue his recovery, I focused on taking care of myself first. I began every day with an activity that I knew was good for me. For me, that activity was a one hour bike ride. What I experienced in that positive activity was a momentary escape from the reality of the situation in my life, a celebration of accomplishment and something good, and the opportunity to step back and reflect in a more productive manner on the chaos that had become my life.

I found peace, clarity, and perspective in my life through this process. I learned to create boundaries over the influence my son had on my life. I continued to love him unconditionally and would demonstrate that love constantly. However, I accepted that his choices were his and there was little I would be able to do to change that. I grieved for his failings and for his struggles, but I focused on making sure his behaviors did not destroy me and the life I have been called to live.

Addiction is a nasty beast. It destroys everything and everyone in its path. Once I realized I was becoming one of its victims, I created a recovery program that helped me break free from the grips of its control and discovered a new process for loving and encouraging my son without allowing my life to be destroyed in the process.

Filed Under: Addiction, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction, addiction and families, parenting, parenting and addiction, personal recovery, positive addiction