100 Pedals

Recovery for Parents Dealing with Addiction in their Families

# In Search of THE ANSWER

July 7, 2025 by Dave Cooke 2 Comments

> “My child is much more than a label or a diagnosis, she’s not a problem to be solved, but a child to be loved and guided toward a better life.” Ellie, a mother of a child battling her addiction

A sample of some of my son’s booking photos plus one of a celebratory walk this spring.

I am coming up on an anniversary of sorts. It has been around five years since I have been aware of my son’s battle with heroin. This anniversary marks my fifth year of continuing education in something I never planned on becoming a student of. This has been one incredible, significant independent study project.

Parents, society, educators, lawmakers, those with addictions and counselors are going through similar learning curves. Each group has their experiences to draw on and their opinions and perspectives to express. No one has THE ANSWER. There is not a single, clear cut, easy answer. Frustrating as it may be, since we have been educated to believe there is always one single, solitary, and correct answer, there are no one-size fits all answer.

We need to quit attempting to shoe horn every successful outcome for one person’s recovery as the road map to be followed by everyone else. When it comes to addiction there are far too many moving parts and pieces to simply state that THE ANSWER is out there. That is naive, arrogant, and foolhardy.

To get a sampling of the wide variances in perspective, ask yourself the following questions:

1. What are the causes of addiction — mental health issues, environment, psychological influences, DNA?
2. What are the courses for recovery - breakthrough prescription drugs, miracle cure treatment houses, multi-step programs, the God factor?
3. What are the successful behaviors for parents - investment, tough love, enabling, prayer, surrender?

Is there a 100% cure formula in this limited list? If so, what is it and why isn’t everyone doing it?

The truth is, there isn’t. No one has THE ANSWER, quit chasing after one.

I recently read an article in the New York Times, “A Different Path to Fighting Addiction.” This article referenced an organization called the Center for Motivation and Change in New York. They have also released a book entitled, “Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Can Help People Change.” While this organization may not have the answer either, their philosophy stems from research based experience that treatment, recovery, and the addiction itself requires a customized approach, using understanding, love, applying constructive and positive communication, that actively involves all the impacted parties. I love it. I agree with it. And, I believe in it. Interestingly, it is the same approach I accidentally discovered and followed in my personal recovery and 100Pedals journey.

I have learned when it comes to my son and his recovery, there are no standard answers, responses, solutions or outcomes. Not everyone is going to agree or understand the choices that I am making in regard to his recovery. I am okay with that, they don’t need to. What I need to be clear about is my responsibilities, my role, and my boundaries. As long as my son knows what those are, we are good. After that, his choices, actions, decisions, and outcomes are his to make and take.

The key to living and celebrating my life is not defined by how I manage his addiction or its influences on me or whether I am doing “the right thing” or not. For that is a fearful, subjective, joy stealing approach. The key to me enjoying my life is to empower my son to live his life, to accept his choices as behaviors I cannot control or change, and celebrate doing, being, and having what I have control over - which is living my life and celebrating all that I can do with it! That is the only answer for me - it is my 100Pedals answer.

Filed Under: Addiction, Giving Love, Lessons In Addiction, Live With Passion, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: A Different Path to Fighting Addiction, addiction, Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Can Help People Change, Center for Motivation and Change, hope, live with passion, New York Times, parenting, parenting and addiction, parenting and hope, parenting and recovery, recovery, recovery and hope

### Comments

1. Gerry says:
   July 7, 2025 at 1:26 pm

   I ask myself this question everyday. Why isn’t everyone using Ibogaine? Is it because they are afraid it won’t work, is it because they don’t know about it, is it because they can’t afford it, is it because they are afraid to send their children out of the Country, because their kids won’t go or are afraid it won’t work? There could be many reasons why. This is what I know for sure, those on the addicts Mom website and many of my daughters friends that have used it are still clean up to 6 years later. Although I have read about relapse, of everyone I know hat has done it only one has relapsed. I do know of one kid that once he got to treatment wouldn’t take it and his heart rate couldn’t be stabilized. Ibogaine helps with depression. If your kid has mental illness such as schizophrenia they cannot be treated, it does not work with benzos or suboxone. Your heart must be healthy and your liver able to process it. It is recommended that you go to aftercare or at least get therapy and some require a second dose or low dose maintenance for a short period of time to help with PAWS. I say give me your son for a week and I will take him to treatment in Mexico and I think you will write a completely different article. The Mom a I worked with last week told me that when she called me and I said what do you have to lose gave her the courage to get her son a Ibogaine treatment and he is clean and sober today. This is as close to a cure as I have seen.

   Reply
   - Dave Cooke says:
     July 12, 2025 at 10:05 am

     Thank you for your comments and for your thoughts on Ibogaine. I certainly do not know enough about this treatment to comment. Any treatment program that involves medication definitely creates a philosophical paradox. The source of many of our addiction related issues is a societal dependence upon taking drugs to feel better in the first place. As result of our pill popping, quick fix, give me something to make me feel better societal mindset, I am a passionate advocate for a drug free society. Faced with the potential for a legitimate fix to my son’s addiction, I am conflicted. Even though I do not trust big pharma or the conventional medical community, I am not yet quite ready to hitch my wagon to another magical cure. I am thrilled and ecstatic for those who have found what they are looking for in Ibogaine. I pray their success continues. I may sit on the sidelines a little longer until I can learn more about the long term, measurable outcomes of this. Again, thank you for contributing and sharing. Please, keep your thoughts and comments coming!

     Reply

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