100 Pedals

Recovery for Parents Dealing with Addiction in their Families

## Shift Your Focus

August 25, 2025 by Dave Cooke 5 Comments

> “Crying! So sad! Eleven years dealing with my child’s addiction! First, clean then relapsing. All of this has torn me apart! Who am I anymore? So sad! So depressed! I feel guilty because I no longer have the faith I used to have that they will get clean and stay that way. I’m so so broken! I go to meetings! I pray! Why does it never stay better?!?!” ~ A mom dealing with addiction in her world

It is difficult to separate or detach from the chaos of our children’s choices. As parents we spend much of their early lives loving, teaching, advising, encouraging, protecting, and fixing our children. As they get older parents worry about the choices they are making and the older they get the bigger, riskier, and more terrifying the stakes become. Add the dynamic of a child battling an addiction and everything increases exponentially.

There comes a time when we, as parents, need to detach from our children. Their choices, actions, behaviors, outcomes, and consequences need to be theirs to choose, live, and experience. It is not healthy or productive to be that connected to their lives. They have their life and we have our own lives to live.

I know how this mom feels. I once was lost trying to save, cure, fix, guide, direct and control my son’s choices and outcomes. It got to the point where every single action in his addiction driven life influenced and defined the next step or action in mine. I was officially out of control, co-dependent, and addicted to his addiction.

Last week, Cathy Taughinbaugh shared a wonderful blog on the very subject of codependency - “Are you ready to Let Go…and Take Care of Yourself?” In this blog, Cathy reminds us of the adverse power of codependency and the superior power of finding “serenity, [and] a deep sense of peace, and learn to give and receive love in new ways. We will have the freedom to live our own lives without guilt and responsibility to others and find real solutions.”

This is wonderful advise. Included in her blog was a powerful definition of codependency by Melody Beattie…

> “A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior.”

I discovered on my 100Pedals journey that peace, joy, happiness, and opportunity began to exist and help transform my life the minute I let go, empowered my son to discover his own path to recovery, and began engaging in positive, productive, and personal improvement projects for myself. As soon as I made the conscious choice to start living my life, independent from my son’s addictive driven choices, I discovered a different way to love him and encourage him while celebrating and enjoying the life I have despite the chaos his addiction around me.

May you find peace on your journey, the courage to let go, and the joy that comes from the release!

> Starting Tuesday, September 2, 100Pedals will be hosting a weekly chat room support resource for parents looking for advice, support, love and encouragement. This Parents’ Support Network (PSN) is a free resource for parents who struggle with the daily battle of addiction in their families. We are providing a safe, secure, and convenient forum for parents to share, learn, and listen. If you would like more information, please click on this link - Parents’ Support Network.

Filed Under: Addiction, featured, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: Cathy Taughinbaugh, codependency, giving love, Melodie Beattie, parenting, parenting and addiction, recovery, recovery and addiction

## Slaying the Giant

July 14, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

> If only we could focus on the fact that addiction is what is behind this [epidemic], not heroin, and begin to treat the right aspects of it; to help addict’s overcome their disease instead of just their heroin use. If you help an addict recover from their disease, they don’t have to use any substance, including heroin. [The threat is] the ever steady and more noticeable…disease of addiction that has been around since humans realized that substances could offer relief to a discontentedness within themselves. [Addiction] is real…it is killing people… if we helped individuals…solve that need for relief. If we offered them a solution to their addiction. There would be no need for heroin. Until then, the Addiction Epidemic will continue on, and on, and on…As long as addiction keeps going untreated and unnoticed, there will be a new drug problem every day, every week, every month, and every year. ~ ~ Rhea Rosier, “Stop Calling it a Heroin Epidemic. It’s Actually an Addiction Epidemic“

I read the article where this quote was taken from several months ago. I essentially archived it until now. The key point in this quote and the article resonated with me; yet, I struggled with articulating its relevance without going on a long winded diatribe.

Yesterday, sitting in a worship service, my pastor reflected on the story of David and Goliath. In his talk, he put Goliath into a different context for me. The giant, Goliath, was not the real problem in the story. Goliath was actually a manifestation of the other issues that existed at the time. As my pastor put it, we all face giant problems every day - work issues, health troubles, financial struggles, relationship problems. They are not the real issue, they are a manifestation of a bigger question - are we truly focusing our lives in the correct direction?

Through my pastor’s message and the author’s writing, I am reminded that our giant problem is not heroin. Our society has an addiction problem. Far too many people are lost, hurt, disenfranchised, suffering, unloved, and uncared for. When they reach a point where they cannot find hope and opportunity in their lives - they escape, retreat, quit. Heroin is one of those paths. It is not the only path. It is the giant we see today; but, killing the giant will not make the real problem go away.

Our relentless, selfish pursuit of wealth, affluence, influence, and power are interrupted and corrupting the individual pursuit of self-actualization. We are defined by our job title, our income, our societal status, and by the success and accomplishment of our children - which is measured by the same scorecard. We have created a vicious, unhappy, unending perpetual cycle of fear, stress, and conformity. Very few people thrive in this environment. In fact, far too many are destroyed by it. This is the source of our addiction problem.

We can help fix it; but, it requires us to recognize the problem, seek a recovery from it, and help others find their recovery.

Every one of us has had a moment of absolute pain, doubt, isolation, fear, or hopelessness. Fortunately, many of us have found a way through the heartache and confusion. Whether you are willing to admit it our not, you did not do it alone. Each one of us who found our way out of the darkness and the despair had a friend who stepped into our mess and offered us their love, their hope and their encouragement. From there, we moved forward and changed, improved, or altered our lives.

The problem of addiction requires the same commitment. Yes, I would love to solve the heroin problem; but, I am more committed to solving our human problem. Every one of us comes across someone who is at their point of absolute failure every single day. Whether we see it or not, is a different discussion. We constantly comes across people who are ready to give up, quit, escape, and surrender.

You can help them. You know what it is like to be in that place and you also know what it is like to be given the gift of love. You want to slay the dragon - pay it forward, give the gift of love, hope, opportunity, and encouragement freely, selflessly, and unconditionally. You will change a life and begin the healing process for someone who needs it. Solving the problem takes a lot of little steps and your consistent effort creates a great deal of powerful momentum. Make that commitment to help those around you - that is how we will collectively slay the giant among us.

Filed Under: Addiction, featured, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction and love, addiction intervention now, giving love, heroin and love, hope, hope and parenting, parenting, parenting and addiction, parenting and love, Rhea Rosier, slaying goliath, slaying the dragon

## Love more, then Judge less

June 12, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

> We can actually accelerate the process through meditation, through the ability to find stillness through loving actions, through compassion and sharing, through understanding the nature of the creative process in the universe and having a sense of connection to it. So, that’s conscious evolution. ~ Deepak Chopra

The challenges parents face in finding the resources through life’s adversities, like a child’s addiction, is that our society first wants to judge, condemn, criticize and blame before helping, loving and understanding. Answers, solutions and community building do not come from that place. Help, change, improvement, reconciliation comes from love, compassion and understanding.

Filed Under: Practice Humility, Uncategorized, Video lessons Tagged With: addiction, addiction and love, addiction and parenting, giving love, loving the addict, parenting, the stigma of addiction

## And that’s a wrap…

May 22, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

The journey is complete.

Yesterday (WED 5/21) at around 4PM Arizona time, I returned home from my trip - exhilarated, exhausted, accomplished. The last leg of this journey was a 28 hour sprint from Lexington, KY to Scottsdale, AZ - an 1800 mile drive with one little two-and-a-half hour rest near Groom, TX to attend to my family issues.

If you are interested in the fact, stats, and accomplishments of this trip:

- Miles driven = 7,775
- Days gone = 32
- States driven through = 21 (including Washington, DC)
- Cities I stayed in = 13
- Presentations = 17
- Participants/Attendees = over 500

Biggest surprise: Being invited to share my mission at my in-laws church on the Sunday following my father-in-law’s funeral service. I was humbled by the invitation to share and by the outpouring of love and encouragement.

Most amazing experience: My presentation at Celebrate Recovery, Mount Laurel, NJ. I was hesitant to go there. It was a two-hour drive each way. The energy, the love, and the inspiration reminded me that I am not the show, I am the messenger and the servant!

Toughest drive: I had several. I started my trip with three ten-hour drives to get to Washington, DC so I could sneak a visit with my oldest son. I drove eleven hours, through the night, in the rain, from Ann Arbor, MI to Newton, NC to be with my family for my father-in-law’s funeral. And, I drove 1800 miles in 28 hours on the last day of my trip. I know what it means to be on the road!

Greatest gift: My friends!! Like last year’s trip, I learned about the gift of love and friendship. I spent only five of thirty-two nights in hotels. All across the country, I was welcomed into homes — mostly of friends. The reception, the excitement, the hospitality shown in these stays were incredible. I always felt loved, appreciated, and welcomed and I left relaxed and prepared for the next chapter in the trip. I cannot say “thank you” enough to these people — just thinking about this level of support and encouragement waters my eyes!

Biggest challenge: Maintaining perspective. I had times where I was quite frustrated and down because of a couple of poorly attended events. Raising money, selling books, and having an audience to share my story with were all components of my journey. I had a rough week in the middle of the trip. Then, I rediscovered my perspective and it turned my around. These events were not “Dave Shows”, they were opportunities to reach out and connect and share with others to assist them with their adversities in addiction. And, if I focused on the opportunities in making one connection, it was also an opportunity for me to be inspired by their stories and their presence in these events. When I regained perspective, the journey got back on course.

“Fun” highlight: The mid-morning Friday bike ride through Manhattan traffic. With an assist from someone more experienced with this type of tour, I raced up the Hudson River bikeway, through Central Park, down Broadway, through Times Square, down 5th Avenue, past Madison Park, Union, Square, Washington Square, and down the East River bikeway. The entire NYC biking experience was a blast — but this one was king!

What’s next?

I am hosting a Talking 100Pedals Event on Wednesday, June 4 to celebrate and share the exciting experiences of this trip with friends, fans, and parents in Phoenix! Hope you will be able to join me for this cool occasion!

Plus, there will be another trip — A southern run through Texas, Louisiana, Georgia, Tennessee, North Carolina, Florida — in 2015.

Filed Under: 2014 Drive N Bike, Addiction, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting & Addiction, The Four Wheels of Personal Leadership Tagged With: 100Pedals journey, 2014 Drive N Bike, addiction, Bike New York, experiences, giving love, inspirations, lessons, parenting, parenting and addiction

## Loose, casual thoughts from the road!

May 6, 2025 by Dave Cooke 1 Comment

Cruising down FDR Drive in Manhattan — Bike New York event!

Two weeks down, three or more to go. I am wrestling with the notion of breaking off the trip a little early as I have had a little difficulty filling the calendar after Memorial Day in Oklahoma and Texas — maybe they don’t need me there, yet.

Despite this little challenge, the first two weeks were filled with great experiences and the next few weeks feature a lot of exciting events. I have officially driven over 3700 miles, through ten states, stopped in nine different cities, participated in eight events and have completed two formal bike rides. All in sixteen days!

I was feeling a little frustrated by my inability to correspond during this trip, until I looked at the pace of activity. I really have been too crazy busy to write. Rather than attempt to provide a quick summary of all my experiences, I have decided to bring you up to speed with some bullet points of my observations, experiences, and thoughts. If you want to know, in greater detail, the story behind the comment, just ask:

- When the wind blows in the Texas panhandle, there isn’t much it won’t move — just ask my laptop!
- Three consecutive ten-plus hour driving days is far too much for one person to do alone!
- The two great biking experiences would have been even more enjoyable if there was no wind and much more sun!
- I have learned to live out of my back seat like a true professional - space is overrated!
- The heroin epidemic has everyone concerned to the point every local resident fears their area is one of the worst hit in the country!
- Moms and dads dealing with addiction show so much pain and hurt it is hard not to feel for them just by looking at them!
- There are so many resources for getting help and support, unfortunately there are not enough people that know where to go, who to ask, or how to look for it!
- I love the passionate proactive groups that do so much good in their local community — now is the time for these groups to learn to collaborate, integrate and leverage their collective power and energy!
- I have been honored and humbled more than once in my talks — grateful for all the love and energy I am surrounded by!
- Nothing is better than the gift of friendship — new and old. This trip, like the others, features amazing sponsors, supporters, and fans! I am blessed!
- Living a life of passion and commitment is not as easy, fun, or simple as it may seem. But, it is certainly better than living a remarkably normal existence.
- Every day, every moment is a gift and an opportunity to live, learn, and grow. Even when things go wrong, there is a reason to appreciate the lesson behind the chaos.

May you find peace in the moment, joy in the experience, and a lesson in the process — when you do, your life will be enriched!

Onward — keep moving and celebrate the life you have!!

Filed Under: 2014 Drive N Bike, Addiction, Managing Adversity, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction, Bike New York, celebrating accomplishment, giving love, living with passion, parenting, parenting and addiction, Tour de Scranton

## What are you giving today?

January 13, 2026 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

“Anything we desire takes time, effort, energy, patience, consistency, and focus. Whatever activity required to get there must also include and reflect your commitment to making someone else’s life better as a result of the effort.”

I have only one opportunity in this life — to be the person that I have been called to be. I cannot measure my life’s activities by what I desire to accomplish so that I can be honored or praised. All that I desire — what drives me — is to live my life in honor, gratitude, and love for the gifts I have been given and for the opportunity provided for me to share and use these gifts as a resource to others.

> - When I focus on what I want, I get lost and frustrated by the outcome.
> - When I make a list of what I desire, I find myself falling short or merely wanting more.
> - When I ignore those searching for peace, joy or happiness, all I find is greater discontent in my life.
> - When I live in fear of loss or forfeiture, I find myself stuck while protecting those things that are holding me back.

This has been a huge transformation. Getting to this point has been very difficult and challenging. It is not easy to make a commitment that the most important person in the world is not me, but the person who is standing in front of me and looking for what I have to offer.

People looking for what we have to offer come into our lives every single day — sometimes many times a day. The problem is that many of us, me included, are so focused on what we want, what we desire, what we need, what we love, what we hate, what makes us comfortable that we cannot see the opportunity being our awesome selves offers us and others. Our accomplishments will not be measured by the monuments we build as a testament to our greatness, it will be defined by who we inspired, helped, guided, loved, educated and supported on our journey. Pursuit of the former only prevents celebration of the latter.

I am committed to bringing love and positive energy into this world on a daily basis. I am committed to:

- judging less and understanding more
- disrespecting no one and listening their story
- giving of myself first before I seek to obtain anything
- loving my neighbor even if he cannot or will not ever love me

There is peace in this commitment because it leaves me longing for nothing and offering everything. What are you willing to give?

Filed Under: Focusing On Your Vision, Giving Love, Living Your Purpose, Uncategorized Tagged With: celebrating your gifts, commitment, finding joy, giving love, happiness, joy, love, peace, sharing your gifts

## We Are Better Than This!

July 15, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” ~ I Corinthians 13: 4-8

I finally reached my breaking point. Having carefully and determinedly avoided the Facebook chatter that bashes, judges, criticizes and disrespects for so long, I cannot sit idly by any longer without saying something.

Everyone that exists on this earth is a fellow human being. They were brought into this world and have been blessed, whether you or they realize it, with a unique set of skills, abilities, talents, and gifts. What they do to honor or use those gifts is defined by the life they live, the choices they make, and the outcome of those decisions and behaviors.

You are also one of those people. You have been blessed with a unique set of abilities. What you do with them is how the story of your life is going to be told. You have plenty of work to do to live up to the promise of your potential, as do I. We have very little extra time to spend judging our criticizing your fellow man. Unless you have lived up to the fullest of your potential and abilities you have more work to do on yourself than you do to remind others of the work they have to do in their lives.

Whether your spiritual advisors are God, Jesus, Muhammed, Buddha, Martin Luther King, Ghandi, or Mother Theresa one of the most powerful common examples they all brought to this world is Love, Humility, and Peace. I encourage each of you to examine any of these peoples quotes and commentaries and share with me where they judge, criticize, belittle or disrespect another human being. They don’t. Why do we?

We are a society that embraces the notion of freedom yet discourage accessing freedoms we don’t agree with.

We are a society that encourages a return to prayer and faith, yet openly practices behaviors that contradict our very religious teachers.

We are society that selectively loves and respects our fellow man, yet we expect our fellow man to love and respect us first.

In the news this past week was the finality of a hearing of a most unfortunate situation. A young man, a teenager, died at the hand of another man. These people were and are human beings. They have parents, siblings, and friends. Lives have been forever changed. The pain of that experience will live on in those directly impacted by the events that night.

The court system that our society embraces as a hallmark of one of the shining examples of our great way of life rendered its decision. This trial was not conducted or decided in the world of popular opinion, it was determined where it needed to be — in the courts. As responsible members of our society we need to respect the decision of the court. More importantly show some love, respect and consideration for the people who were directly impacted by the events that caused that hearing.

Shed some love, kindness, respect, humility and peace on the situation. If it was your son that died or your son that was freed, how would you desire the situation to be handled?

It is time we show some love, respect, and dignity to our political leaders, as well. You do not have to agree with what they say or what they stand for. I am grateful for the freedom to express our opinions. Our leaders are fellow human beings, too. They are fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, parents, and friends. They have been duly elected by the system that we defend as honorable and right. By virtue of that process they deserve and have earned the right to be respected. As fellow human beings they deserve to be treated the way we are called to act toward our fellow man.

Would you talk to them face-to-face the way you talk to them in your Facebook pages? Why not? Because you know that would be inappropriate and unacceptable.

We are all part of wonderful, powerful, and largely affluent society. We are fortunate to have the freedoms we do. We are all blessed with wonderful, inspirational role models to guide and direct us on the most appropriate way to love, live, and communicate.

It is time to put our inferior emotions — hate, despair, fear, judgement, ego — away and let our superior emotions — humility, love, peace, gentleness, respect, and equanimity — guide our behaviors. We are better than this. We are smarter than this. And, we are certainly capable and intelligent enough to do it.

Think before you criticize, judge or disrespect. Let that adverse emotion pass and write something positive and insightful instead. It will create much better energy and will draw people toward you instead of repelling them.

Filed Under: Giving Love, Inspirational Perspectives Tagged With: giving love, love, sharing love, showing love

## Embrace Your Weaknesses

July 1, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

“Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them; but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.” – Helen Keller

Over time I have become more keenly aware of my shortcomings — both real and perceived. In the past, my desire to overcome them or overcompensate for them has defined many of my interactions with others. Sensing or knowing I had certain weaknesses created a situation where I was determined not to let others see or discover them. I would focus on covering up my flaws by overemphasizing what I believed were my strengths. Instead of shielding them from others, I inadvertently ended up projecting my insecurities and failed to present a balanced, confident, inviting personality.

This is what ego will do to a person. Our ego looks to protect us from that which may potentially hurt us. Unfortunately, in an overzealous attempt to protect us from danger our ego inadvertently does more harm than good.

No one is perfect. No one has ever been perfect. Everyone has baggage, fears, flaws, failings and shortcomings. Everyone also brings an amazing collection of skills, talents, gifts, and abilities to any interaction.

Understanding, accepting, and embracing what you lack, provides you the humility to accept yourself for who you are. It also inspires you to embrace, in its totality, the unique gift that is you. Accepting, embracing, and celebrating the uniqueness of self, empowers you to also recognize and engage the uniqueness of those around you. In a state of conscious humility, you are positioned to let go of fear, judgement, and negative energy toward yourself and others; and, you find yourself in that amazing place where you can inspire, encourage, and support others to be their incredibly talented and unique self.

Instead of thinking about what you are not, what you lack, what you wish you had or could do or be, embrace your strengths alongside your weaknesses in their totality for they are — part of the formula that defines a uniquely, cool you. In your comfortable confidence, you will draw others toward you, celebrate their complimentary strengths, and create a collaborative, powerful collection of other uniquely cool people.

Great accomplishments, innovations, and breakthroughs are usually most feasible when a collection of unique individuals band together to encourage, support, inspire, and create. Practice humility. Love who you are. Embrace all that you offer. Encourage those around you to celebrate and enjoy the same emotions. You will change your world in very powerful ways.

Filed Under: Giving Love, Practice Humility, The Four Wheels of Personal Leadership Tagged With: defining yourself, embracing your weaknesses, engaging others, giving love, giving selflessly, inspiring others, loving others, loving yourself