100 Pedals

Significant Outcomes in the Face of Adversity

# How to find what you are looking for

November 14, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

We cannot have, do, receive or create in others what does not exist within us first.

Everything we seek — love, affirmation, leadership, approval — must first be discovered from within before it can be fully integrated into our life. Once that essential component exists internally, is understood and assimilated into one’s being, only then will a person be in a powerful position to truly receive it from and share it with others.

How many times have we heard “Happiness starts from within” or “Home is where the heart is” or “You cannot find love until you love yourself first“? Each of these sayings and many more like them are a reminder what we seek in others we must first find in ourselves. As each of us look to others to help us find, discover, celebrate or enjoy those aspects we desire most in our lives, the stark reality is that no one can give us what we haven’t already given ourselves first. Now what? How can I find, discover or create that which is missing from within? Like everything it is a process.

- Start by identifying those qualities, aspects, or traits you are looking for in another person.
- Examine your behaviors, self-talk, and actions and evaluate your personal performance in your own life to those qualities.
- Identify the gaps and define the actions you are going to begin to take that will improve on your own personal performance.
- Create a standard by which you will begin to treat yourself and help yourself achieve.
- Put the action plan to work, make changes along the way, while celebrating and measuring your progress.
- After a while, you will be living your life in the manner you desire and giving you what you need most.
- Since you are not looking for “it” anymore, you will not be searching it out.
- When you stop looking for “it” you will find what you are looking for in others and you will be drawn towards those people that exemplify what you valued most. The difference is, you now know what it really is and how it truly manifests itself in your life.

Each of us is responsible for who we are and where we are going. While components of our journey take on paths where we seek in others what cannot find in ourselves, we will not find what we are looking for in others until we first find it within us. It is only then that we can appreciate this gift in others and allow their gifts to manifest themselves within us.

Filed Under: Celebrating Accomplishment, Embrace Responsibility Tagged With: discovering happiness, discovery, finding answers, finding happiness, finding joy, finding love, happiness, leadership, love, the quest

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