100 Pedals

Recovery for Parents Dealing with Addiction in their Families

## Managing The Storms In Our Life

March 25, 2025 by Dave Cooke 3 Comments

“While the choices and decisions of others hurt, confound, and destroy; the choices you make are what define where you are going and how you will get there.”

I knew that something was seriously wrong as I watched the police walk up my stairs to the front door. Brandon had just come over and was going to hang out for a while. Immediately, I sensed they were here for him. Since everything appeared to be headed in a better direction in his life, I was hoping that my fears would be calmed and that their visit had another purpose.

I was wrong.

They were here for him. They identified him, handcuffed him, searched him, and led him away. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t try to give me any information. One minute he was here and the next minute he was not.

Who knows where he is, what is going to happen next or how long he will be gone.

That was my Saturday night. Certainly not the one I was looking forward to.

I had a very sleepless night. I woke up often, slept little, and my mind raced. Despite the fact that I am hurt, angry, worried, concerned, and disappointed, I am also finding my own peace in the midst of chaos.

I love each of my children more than anything. I desire for them to celebrate the life they have and to discover the joy that exists within them to be who they are and love who they are. But, my children, like your children, are human. And, some people just seem destined to follow their own unique, challenging, scary, stupid, and inexplicable path.

Here is where I find my inner peace. As much as Brandon’s path hurts, confounds, and confuses — it is his life. While I am responsible to him for love, guidance, support, and advice — I cannot define, control, or change his choices. This is his path and his journey.

As I sit here today, drinking my coffee, writing this article, and feeling his absence, I remind myself that who I am, where I am going, and what I have committed to live and do is not defined by, or can be interrupted by, the life Brandon has chosen to live. He is on his very special, unique journey. I am on mine. He is loved more than any son can be loved. That is all I can do, especially now.

Life interrupts our momentum with the biggest of hurts, distractions and challenges. No one enjoys them, looks forward to them, or even asks for them. They come anyway. What you do, where you go, and how you live in the face of these adversities is measured by how effectively you stay on your path as you go through it. Adversities can slow you and distract you — but, they also define you. When the storm hits — be strong, stay focused, and keep moving. Trust your path and you will get through it. And, remind yourself to trust that others are on their very unique path, as well — their journey is not yours to define or manage.

This is how I am finding peace in a very dark place. I hope you can and will too!

Filed Under: Embrace Responsibility, Focusing On Your Vision, Giving Love, Managing Adversity Tagged With: dealing with adversity, dealing with conflict, dealing with obstacles, discovering peace, embracing the journey, finding peace, focusing on your vision, maintaining focus, maintaining momentum, managing adversity, managing chaos, trusting the path

## Pursuing Happiness

March 19, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

“Happiness is not a station you arrive at but a manner of travelling” — Margaret Leen Runbeck

Most of my life, I pursued happiness as an outcome. I sought it out in the people I surrounded myself with, the job or title I had, the money I made, the trips I took, the car I drove, the goals I set for myself, or in my continued quest for affirmation or approval. When I reached a level of accomplishment relating to these things, I momentarily celebrated the bliss of my arrival only to start over in my perpetual pursuit of happiness.

I was confusing the achievement of an objective or the realization of an outcome with the occurrence of happiness. Achieving a goal or celebrating a significant accomplishment or enjoying a particular acquisition provides a wonderful source of joy or happiness. Because life moves on, so will that moment of happiness.

The arrival of a momentary dose of celebratory happiness is an awesome experience. The exhilaration of that moment creates tremendous energy and can generate tremendous momentum or forward motion. While continuous and perpetual achievement is amazing, it also can be a daunting task. For if one can only find happiness in the accomplishment, life is filled with a series of milestone celebrations and little joy in between.

The journey of life is long. It is not defined in a single moment, but in a series of lessons, experiences, events, and accomplishments. Not all of these events are going to be easy, fun, or celebrated at the time. Yet every day we have the opportunity to enjoy and celebrate who we are, what we are doing, where we are going, who we are touching and how we are loving.

Happiness is finding joy and peace in the world we are living in today and enjoying the journey we are on as we pursue our vision for our life and the celebrated accomplishments along the way. If arrival at a destination is your only source of happiness, you are missing out on numerous opportunities to enjoy, celebrate and relish moments everyday.

Each day, each interaction, and every little accomplishment are part of the journey of life. Be happy in the moment. Be happy with your progress. Find happiness in the journey. When you celebrate the journey, you will appreciate the outcomes of your efforts even more.

Filed Under: Celebrating Accomplishment, Inspirational Perspectives, Live With Passion Tagged With: being happy, celebrating life, celebrating life's journey, celebrating the journey of life, choosing happiness, discovering happiness, happy living, living happy, loving happiness. happiness is living, Margaret Leen Runbeck

## Your Choice!

March 11, 2025 by Dave Cooke 1 Comment

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” ~ Richie Norton

Happiness is a choice. We have the freedom to choose how we feel about anything; and, we have the ability to control our responses, our reactions, our emotions and our behaviors to the events around us.

We often give others far too much ability to influence how we feel. Everyone has those days when they are emotionally, physically, or spiritually bruised by another. Feeling the sting of those behaviors or outcomes is part of the unfortunate or negative experience. Managing that event and how it influences or defines future actions is completely umder your control.

I read two articles on Friday that offered incredible clarity and perspective on the subject. As both came to my attention on the same day, I decided to make it the focus of this week’s reflection.

> “As much I as want to control the events in my life, today I accept that I am powerless over anyone other than myself. This starts with my thinking, my intentions and my behavior. As the mom writes, ‘I can control only my own mind and in turn my actions…and begin to experience inner peace.’ ” — Libby Cataldi

> “Happiness is something we choose. And when we sincerely choose happiness as a governing principle of our lives, we quickly learn that circumstance has no inherent power. Any power that our life circumstance holds, is power that we give it.” – Richie Norton

Both of these authors experienced incredible personal, parental trauma. Libby has written a very powerful book and contributes to a weekly blog –“Stay Close” — relating to her experiences with her son’s addiction. She shares her stories about love, commitment, and endurance in the face of a parent’s most difficult and challenging nightmare – addiction.

Richie has also authored a book and shares a regular blog — “Start with Doing Something Stupid.” Much of what he writes about discusses finding and living in happiness – all of which was written and shared about his commitment to live a happy life following the death of one of his children.

What they share relates back to my feelings and emotions as I dealt with Brandon’s addiction. There was a time where I was convinced that if I loved, worked, coaxed, and inspired Brandon, he would find a path to recovery. I worked so hard at influencing this outcome that I felt the loss, hopelessness and despair of a father who had failed in his mission when Brandon didn’t come around and change his life. Until Brandon was in a better place I was completely unable to find peace, joy, or happiness in my life. I was allowing Brandon’s choices and behaviors to influence how I felt and what I did.

Once I discovered that my happiness was not defined by his outcomes, I was able to find peace and happiness in my life. I came to realize that I only had control over two things – my attitude and my effort. I was able to embrace the opportunity and celebrate the joy that existed in my life – the way I was living it – independent of Brandon’s influence.

Once I became clear as to the direction I desired for my life and my commitment to this path, I was able to break free of the control and influence of the adversities around me and find my inner peace. While I still get jostled around by life’s little and big adventures, my ability to work through them and stay on course are the result of the power I have given to me rather than to the occurrences around me that would normally distract or hurt me.

You have the power to define your course and stay on your path. Peace, joy and happiness are defined and discovered from within you. It is always a wonderful occurrence when those around you feed that appetite and that emotion; however, they are ultimately yours to develop, own, and control.

When someone hits you with an emotional brick remember – you have the power to define how you want to feel about it and how long you will allow it to distract you.

Filed Under: Embrace Responsibility, Inspirational Perspectives, Maintaining Focus, Managing Adversity Tagged With: addiction, addiction in your family, attitude, controlling influences in our lives, dealing with adversity, dealing with conflict, death of a child, Do Something Stupid, effort, empowerment, inspiration in the face of adversity, Libby Cataldi, managing adversity, parenting, parents of addicts, Richie Norton, Stay Close, the power of our choices, what we control

## A Change Mindset

March 4, 2025 by Dave Cooke 2 Comments

“Embracing your reality only serves to inhibit your ability to change it.” ~ Dave Cooke

“This is my reality” is a concept I hear a great deal about. Whether I am talking to sales professionals, business owners, parents, or individuals there is often a need to emphasize how much I need to know and understand their current situation. What I have discovered is that the more passionately someone goes to explain, clarify, defend, or return to their current reality, the more difficult it becomes for them to believe they can change it.

Where we are and what we are experiencing are incredible motivators for change. However, they need not be a measuring stick or a barometer for how hard or difficult that change is going to be.

What is most important in the process of change is not where you are, it is where you are going. Instead of fixating on the present, the focus and the effort must be on the new reality and the steps required to move toward it.

Focusing on the present is like pouring and then standing in cement. The more you do it, the more likely you are to get stuck there.

Brandon is in a wonderful spot in his life. He is actively practicing the art of focusing on the future. He has many hurdles that could easily obstruct his ability to move forward. Instead, he has been focusing on maintaining the steady, positive, incremental progress he has been making. He knows those challenges exist, yet he doesn’t let them worry him or distract him. When I ask him about them, he acknowledges they exist and I can hear the slight concern in his response; but, he reminds me and himself that he is not going to let that bother him right now. And, he maintains his focus and keeps on moving.

He knows that focusing the fears of his reality will only distract from his personal mission to keep moving and maintaining momentum.

We all have aspects of our lives that appear to have the power to block, stop, interrupt, or prevent change. This can only happen when we give those forces the power to do it. When we take control of the change we desire, our new reality becomes the change we desire and our current reality has no sway over us.

Instead of asking yourself “how can I change this situation?” ask yourself “can I change this situation?” If the answer is yes, the rest is found in the details of your commitment to change not in your fear of the present. Focus on where you are going and not where you are. The progress you make and the ideas you uncover in this mindset will move you to a new reality in ways you didn’t realize were previously possible.

Filed Under: Focusing On Your Vision, Inspirational Perspectives, Maintaining Focus, Make A Commitment, Managing Adversity Tagged With: a change mindset, change in your life, changing your life, embracing change, focusing on change, the power to change, transforming your life