# Recovery will not happen on your timeline!

November 3, 2025 by Dave Cooke 7 Comments

Why can’t my addicted child see it? Don’t they realize what their addiction is doing to them?

You struggle to understand why they don’t get help, why they won’t change. Can’t they see that their addiction is wrecking their life? They can’t keep a job, they go to jail, they overdose, they sleep in the street, and they look awful. No matter what you say, they don’t want your idea of help nor will they admit they have a problem.

It drives you crazy. As much as you point out to them where their life is headed, it doesn’t seem to make a difference. And you just don’t understand it.

When it comes to the addicted mind nothing makes sense. No matter how many ways you share what you see; they just won’t acknowledge your perception of reality. Remember, they are not looking at their world through your eyes and it is impossible for you see what they see through yours.

Allow me to share some nuggets of truth:

Truth #1: “You cannot make sense out of nonsense.” Remember this.

Truth #2: To admit their addiction is a problem means they will have to do something about it.

Truth #3: They will come to grips with the consequences of their addiction on their timeline not yours.

Since you can do nothing to change their mind about their addiction, pray…

“…that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by Him to do His will.” (2 Timothy 2:26 NKJV)

When it is God’s time, something will happen. Not before and not until.

In the meantime what are you to do? Do what your Father in heaven does with you.

Even though God easily could, our Father does not remind us of our failings, shortcomings, or screw ups. He waits patiently for us to find our way back to him. He suffers through our struggles and feels the pain of our failings. He does not admonish or criticize us.

Instead, He encourages us. He reminds us how much he loves us. He forgives us. He offers us advice and guidance when we ask for it. He calls us. And, he waits for us.

We don’t know the timeline. We don’t know the plan. And, we certainly do not know the future. Only God does. Regardless of what we see, think, or believe, it is never too late for God. Despite your fears, you have no idea what God has in store for your child.

Have faith in His plan, trust in His power, be patient with His timing. If you must do something, follow His example for loving and caring for our precious children. Taking this approach will be a lot more productive than judging, criticizing, or fighting with your child. Love, Encourage, and Hope – let God do the rest.

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Is your child addicted to drugs or alcohol? Are you trapped on the emotional roller coaster of addiction? Dave Cooke can help. He’s an internationally recognized speaker who has made it his commitment to minister to parents struggling with addiction in their families. Let him share with you how to create an action plan that will move you, your family, and your addicted child in a healthier direction.

Contact Dave today to book him to speak at your church, parent’s group, business organization, or neighborhood association. Go to http://www.100pedals.com/speaker-dave-cooke/ for more information or email dave@100Pedals.com.

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In fact, it is his life’s mission. Dave Cooke is the father of a son addicted to heroin. Like you, he suddenly found himself thrust into a state of confusion, heartache, and despair. And like all parents of addicts, he scrambled to find solid ground when addiction turned his world upside down.
In the process, he has developed several presentations for family members and concerned communities to learn more about the issue of addiction in our society. An internationally recognized speaker, Dave’s biblically driven presentations inspire with energy, commitment, and real solutions for troubled parents and a concerned community. “Thought-provoking” and “powerful” are just two of the descriptions his audiences often apply to his talks. Book Dave for your next event!

### Comments

1. Margo Frazier says

   November 4, 2025 at 12:22 pm

   Our Father in heaven also does nothing…nothing to dissuade us or persuade us. He makes no argument about what we are doing to ourselves. He doesn’t hit us over the head with rules and socially acceptable behavior. Instead, He is mute. That is the most difficult lesson to learn as an enabler; but the most constructive way to get an addicts attention - withdraw.
   When we, as sinners, feel we have offended God to the point that He has withdrawn from us, then and only then do we take steps to rectify that.
   Loving from a distance - watching and waiting but not allowing it to affect your daily life - that is the way to help your addict.

   Reply

   - Dave Cooke says

     November 4, 2025 at 3:56 pm

     Margo,
     Beautiful, thoughtful response. Thank you. I was reminded about a conversation with a mom who said that when we legalize and moralize our child’s situation we are in the weeds. It is hard to learn to withdraw; but, it is the best approach and we have been blessed with the best of examples for that behavior.

     Reply

2. Michael Manning says

   November 11, 2025 at 8:54 am

   Your picture depicts exactly why recovery will not happen at least in my time left.

   Reply

3. Michael J. Manning says

   November 13, 2025 at 1:39 pm

   Margo Frazier,
   If you only knew how loaded your statement was “The way to get an addicts attention is “withdrawal”!
   Here in a suburb of Detroit a young man has the whole states attention when his lawyer just gave our local news the video of a young man who died from “Acute Withdrawals”
   He lost 50 pounds in 15 days due to his severe withdrawals, he died the next day as while contained in a suicide cell 24 hour lights, checked on 96 times per day even though seizures, extreme weight loss, hallucinations, but the stigma against drug addicts because we don’t conform to peoples time lines are even allow to die on video tape. Meanwhile, judges are dismissing negligence and accountability on all fronts. You were so kind to point out how to get our attention may I please ask you how do we get yours??

   Michael

   Reply

   - Dave Cooke says

     November 13, 2025 at 2:12 pm

     Michael,
     This is definitely a tragic story. You and I are in complete agreement that there is a lot of work that must be done to educate our society to bring about change. Unfortunately, until momentum takes over, the wheels of change and education can move far too slowly and unfortunate stories like this will occur. The course of action I am taking is to continue to bring the issue in the forefront, to get others to share their story, and to focus on lovingly, patiently, politely battle ignorance. No one wants to be told they are wrong. They are more inclined to listen when the approach is more on you may not know all you need to know. Keep fighting the battle and change will happen.

     Reply

     - Michael Manning says

       November 13, 2025 at 2:32 pm

       Dave, reading “the only thing addicts understand is withdrawal” is highly offensive!

       Reply

       - Dave Cooke says

         November 13, 2025 at 2:56 pm

         Michael,
         I think you misread Margo’s statement. She said, “but the most constructive way to get an addicts attention – withdraw”, not withdrawl.
         I just realized where you pulled this conversation string from. Margo is talking about the impact a loved one can have on an addicted person is pulling back, withdrawing from their situation.
         I hope this helps clarify the confusion.

         Reply

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