100 Pedals

Recovery for Parents Dealing with Addiction in their Families

## Courageous, painful decisions

July 28, 2025 by Dave Cooke 7 Comments

> “Watching someone you love more than anything, walk away at 6:30 in the morning, tired, hungry and knowing they have no where to go is heartbreaking. Once again we decided it was time for them to go. As I stood in my home looking out, watching with that depressed and tired expression, looking back at our home like there is no one left in the world who cares about them is tearing me up inside. I know this is how it has to be. I need this to stop one way or another. I can’t take it much longer. What if there is no bottom? I have often thought this time is it, this will be the time they will seek help but it never is. I fear the bottom may be suicide one day. If that happens, will I be able to live with that?”

There comes a point in a parents’ addiction journey when they realize they have no control over their child’s decisions. This discovery is not limited to parents of children with addiction issues, it is every parents’ reality. There comes a point as our children get older where we cannot tell them what to do, we can only advise them what to do. Eventually, parents realize we cannot advise anymore, unless asked.

The difference between a normal parental journey and one challenged by the continued presence of addiction, is that our inability to control or define the choices our children make has significant consequences relating to the outcomes of these choices. While most parents live a life of natural concern and worry over the behaviors of their child, a parent in the addiction journey have a much higher level of angst. Their children are in a living battle for their lives, their soul, and their future. It is hard to find comfort in these choices once a parent realizes there is no way to help them anymore.

Parenting has never been easy. We want so much for our children that it is hard to watch them struggle, fail, fall down, or get lost. Being a parent is a lifetime commitment. There is never a time when once someone becomes a parent, they stop being a parent. Even when a child grows old, marries, and has children of their own - we are still parents.

Being a parent is not our only responsibility, though. Being a parent means that there are times where we must let our children find their path - even if it is a dangerous one. There comes a point where love, hope, and encouraging are going to have to be enough as we let them go to face the consequences, outcomes, and impact of their choices, their dreams, or their mistakes.

It is not easy letting go. It is even harder to let go of a child who is lost, hurting or sick. Regardless, it is their path, their journey and their life — they need to find it, follow it, and live it on their terms. Along the way we can hope, pray, and offer encouragement and direction. If all goes according to our dream for them, they will return to us inspired, changed, and happy. That is what letting go is all about!

> Get your complimentary audio of my program “The Ways to Rise Above the Addiction Drama.” Taken from the lessons of my experiences with my youngest son’s heroin addiction, I provide three behavioral tips for parents that will help them find more peace and clarity in dealing with the chaotic and destructive actions of a child dealing with addiction. To get your complimentary copy click here.

Filed Under: Addiction, Giving Love, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: addiction, courage, hope, parenting, parenting and addiction, parenting and hope, recovery

## The story I am living and telling

July 21, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

> “Some chapters just have to close without closure. You can’t lose yourself by trying to fix what’s meant to stay broken.” ~ Trent Shelton

Between this quote and the picture, I may seem that today’s blog is officially Trent Shelton day. It just may be. When someone shares a series of concepts that precisely reflects a philosophy I embrace, why not passionately share it?

When I was planning today’s post, I wanted to share my perspective on the story we tell and the way it is reflected in how we live our lives. As the parent of a child battling an addiction, my story could be about his struggle and my journey with him in his struggle.

While the story of his addiction is very much a significant component of my life, it is not my life and it does not define how I live it. I would love for my son to find a path to his recovery. I pray for him to find happiness, peace, and joy in a life free from his addiction. My hope for him every single day is that he moves closer to a path of purpose and clarity in celebrating and sharing the gifts, talents, and skills he has blessed with. Because of my unconditional love for him, his story is a significant chapter in my life and my story.

That is where my story with my son ends and the complete story of my life begins. For I am a dad to two other children, a husband to a wife who cares for me more than I deserve, and an awesome circle of marvelous, gifted friends; plus, I have been blessed with a unique set of my own skills, talents, and abilities that others are looking for me to offer every single day.

My life cannot be put on hold by my son’s addiction. It is not appropriate, fair, or responsible. He is living, making, and defining his choices. They are his decisions. They are going to made with or without me. Many times I do like, enjoy, celebrate, or appreciate them. Often they hurt, confuse, frustrate, and pain me. Yet, this is the path he has taken and there is nothing I can do to alter it. My gifts of unconditional love, eternal hope, and the offer of my wisdom and encouragement are the most I can deliver. That is a great deal and it is going to have to be enough. Anything more, impacts my life in adversarial ways and creates a detour on my path to living, loving, and celebrating what I have been called to do.

Every day I wake up I am presented with an amazing opportunity to live, celebrate, and enjoy the gifts in your life. This is my story. The story will be told about my life is how I lived, grew, succeeded, loved, and celebrated my life despite the chaos and adversity around me. Those that come into my life have the opportunity to choose how their story is being lived and told. It is their story, not mine. I am very careful not to lose sight of that fact or my story ends up getting lost in someone else’s life story. It is better to celebrate and enjoy my life to the best of my ability. I cannot chose how someone’s story is told, lived, shared, celebrated, or completed. All I have is the life I have been given, the gifts I been blessed with, and the calling to share those gifts in love to others. That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Filed Under: Addiction, Giving Love, Lessons In Addiction, Live With Passion, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: 100Pedals, addiction, addiction and parenting, commitment, hope, hope and parenting, love, parenting, passion, recovery, recovery and parenting, the story of our life, trent shelton

## Slaying the Giant

July 14, 2025 by Dave Cooke Leave a Comment

> If only we could focus on the fact that addiction is what is behind this [epidemic], not heroin, and begin to treat the right aspects of it; to help addict’s overcome their disease instead of just their heroin use. If you help an addict recover from their disease, they don’t have to use any substance, including heroin. [The threat is] the ever steady and more noticeable…disease of addiction that has been around since humans realized that substances could offer relief to a discontentedness within themselves. [Addiction] is real…it is killing people… if we helped individuals…solve that need for relief. If we offered them a solution to their addiction. There would be no need for heroin. Until then, the Addiction Epidemic will continue on, and on, and on…As long as addiction keeps going untreated and unnoticed, there will be a new drug problem every day, every week, every month, and every year. ~ ~ Rhea Rosier, “Stop Calling it a Heroin Epidemic. It’s Actually an Addiction Epidemic“

I read the article where this quote was taken from several months ago. I essentially archived it until now. The key point in this quote and the article resonated with me; yet, I struggled with articulating its relevance without going on a long winded diatribe.

Yesterday, sitting in a worship service, my pastor reflected on the story of David and Goliath. In his talk, he put Goliath into a different context for me. The giant, Goliath, was not the real problem in the story. Goliath was actually a manifestation of the other issues that existed at the time. As my pastor put it, we all face giant problems every day - work issues, health troubles, financial struggles, relationship problems. They are not the real issue, they are a manifestation of a bigger question - are we truly focusing our lives in the correct direction?

Through my pastor’s message and the author’s writing, I am reminded that our giant problem is not heroin. Our society has an addiction problem. Far too many people are lost, hurt, disenfranchised, suffering, unloved, and uncared for. When they reach a point where they cannot find hope and opportunity in their lives - they escape, retreat, quit. Heroin is one of those paths. It is not the only path. It is the giant we see today; but, killing the giant will not make the real problem go away.

Our relentless, selfish pursuit of wealth, affluence, influence, and power are interrupted and corrupting the individual pursuit of self-actualization. We are defined by our job title, our income, our societal status, and by the success and accomplishment of our children - which is measured by the same scorecard. We have created a vicious, unhappy, unending perpetual cycle of fear, stress, and conformity. Very few people thrive in this environment. In fact, far too many are destroyed by it. This is the source of our addiction problem.

We can help fix it; but, it requires us to recognize the problem, seek a recovery from it, and help others find their recovery.

Every one of us has had a moment of absolute pain, doubt, isolation, fear, or hopelessness. Fortunately, many of us have found a way through the heartache and confusion. Whether you are willing to admit it our not, you did not do it alone. Each one of us who found our way out of the darkness and the despair had a friend who stepped into our mess and offered us their love, their hope and their encouragement. From there, we moved forward and changed, improved, or altered our lives.

The problem of addiction requires the same commitment. Yes, I would love to solve the heroin problem; but, I am more committed to solving our human problem. Every one of us comes across someone who is at their point of absolute failure every single day. Whether we see it or not, is a different discussion. We constantly comes across people who are ready to give up, quit, escape, and surrender.

You can help them. You know what it is like to be in that place and you also know what it is like to be given the gift of love. You want to slay the dragon - pay it forward, give the gift of love, hope, opportunity, and encouragement freely, selflessly, and unconditionally. You will change a life and begin the healing process for someone who needs it. Solving the problem takes a lot of little steps and your consistent effort creates a great deal of powerful momentum. Make that commitment to help those around you - that is how we will collectively slay the giant among us.

Filed Under: Addiction, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction and love, addiction intervention now, giving love, heroin and love, hope, hope and parenting, parenting, parenting and addiction, parenting and love, Rhea Rosier, slaying goliath, slaying the dragon

## In Search of THE ANSWER

July 7, 2025 by Dave Cooke 2 Comments

> “My child is much more than a label or a diagnosis, she’s not a problem to be solved, but a child to be loved and guided toward a better life.” Ellie, a mother of a child battling her addiction

A sample of some of my son’s booking photos plus one of a celebratory walk this spring.

I am coming up on an anniversary of sorts. It has been around five years since I have been aware of my son’s battle with heroin. This anniversary marks my fifth year of continuing education in something I never planned on becoming a student of. This has been one incredible, significant independent study project.

Parents, society, educators, lawmakers, those with addictions and counselors are going through similar learning curves. Each group has their experiences to draw on and their opinions and perspectives to express. No one has THE ANSWER. There is not a single, clear cut, easy answer. Frustrating as it may be, since we have been educated to believe there is always one single, solitary, and correct answer, there are no one-size fits all answer.

We need to quit attempting to shoe horn every successful outcome for one person’s recovery as the road map to be followed by everyone else. When it comes to addiction there are far too many moving parts and pieces to simply state that THE ANSWER is out there. That is naive, arrogant, and foolhardy.

To get a sampling of the wide variances in perspective, ask yourself the following questions:

1. What are the causes of addiction — mental health issues, environment, psychological influences, DNA?
2. What are the courses for recovery - breakthrough prescription drugs, miracle cure treatment houses, multi-step programs, the God factor?
3. What are the successful behaviors for parents - investment, tough love, enabling, prayer, surrender?

Is there a 100% cure formula in this limited list? If so, what is it and why isn’t everyone doing it?

The truth is, there isn’t. No one has THE ANSWER, quit chasing after one.

I recently read an article in the New York Times, “A Different Path to Fighting Addiction.” This article referenced an organization called the Center for Motivation and Change in New York. They have also released a book entitled, “Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Can Help People Change.” While this organization may not have the answer either, their philosophy stems from research based experience that treatment, recovery, and the addiction itself requires a customized approach, using understanding, love, applying constructive and positive communication, that actively involves all the impacted parties. I love it. I agree with it. And, I believe in it. Interestingly, it is the same approach I accidentally discovered and followed in my personal recovery and 100Pedals journey.

I have learned when it comes to my son and his recovery, there are no standard answers, responses, solutions or outcomes. Not everyone is going to agree or understand the choices that I am making in regard to his recovery. I am okay with that, they don’t need to. What I need to be clear about is my responsibilities, my role, and my boundaries. As long as my son knows what those are, we are good. After that, his choices, actions, decisions, and outcomes are his to make and take.

The key to living and celebrating my life is not defined by how I manage his addiction or its influences on me or whether I am doing “the right thing” or not. For that is a fearful, subjective, joy stealing approach. The key to me enjoying my life is to empower my son to live his life, to accept his choices as behaviors I cannot control or change, and celebrate doing, being, and having what I have control over - which is living my life and celebrating all that I can do with it! That is the only answer for me - it is my 100Pedals answer.

Filed Under: Addiction, Giving Love, Lessons In Addiction, Live With Passion, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: A Different Path to Fighting Addiction, addiction, Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Can Help People Change, Center for Motivation and Change, hope, live with passion, New York Times, parenting, parenting and addiction, parenting and hope, parenting and recovery, recovery, recovery and hope