From Different Paths

“We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere.” -Tim McGraw

A little over a year ago as I was struggling with the realities of my son’s addiction and my desire to will him to embrace and discover a “cure”, I had a very powerful conversation about his situation with a trusted friend. My fear regarding Brandon’s addiction was that unless he discovered a way to beat his habit, he was going to die. In the world of heroin addiction, there seems to be two outcomes- live to beat it or die suddenly from it. I can hardly bear the thought that my son could die from his addiction.

As I tearfully shared these worries, concerns, and fears over the potential loss of my son, my friend asked me a very intense question: “Do you believe that people live on in even when they are gone?”

I could not answer the question without coming in contact with the intense fear and pain of what answering it meant – envisioning a life without Brandon. Over time I have come to some level of peace that Brandon’s spirit will always be here even if he is not. Whether he finds a way to overcome his addiction or his addiction overcomes him his music, his energy, his story, his quirks, his style, his opinions, his journey, and his love will always be with me. I pray that may never have to celebrate his life without him; but, I know that in his time here on this earth, he has left many marks, and he will always be with me in some way.

It is from that conversation that the above quote touched me. Everyone comes to us from somewhere on their way to somewhere. Some people stay in our lives longer than others. Some leave far too soon. Some leave a huge footprint on our experiences, others a simple, singular moment. But, as we touch, connect, share, communicate, and play we are always giving a little something of ourselves to others. While they may be gone, the impact of that moment – on us and on them – can, and often does, live on within us.

That is the power of being connected, of sharing, and of opening up your gifts to others. We have all been blessed with something unique to offer with the world. Whether we believe in its significance or not is not as important as making ourselves available to others so they may benefit from the connection.

Our story is not that much different from Brandon’s, for we really do not know how long we will celebrate the journey of our life. Regardless of how long or short it is we have an opportunity to give and receive the gifts we have been given. No matter where we go, what we do, or how long we do it, those gifts will always be with us – enjoy them and celebrate the experiences.

Make Everyone Stronger

“You are never alone. There is always someone in your world looking to share their gifts and looking to discover those that you have to offer.”

By nature, we are social creatures. Some of us are more social than others. Regardless of the level of our social proclivities, we are all naturally inclined to surround ourselves with family, friends, others that we simply feel safe and comfortable with. Because we have a tendency to leverage our social resources for security, advice, comfort, love, and affirmation, it is only natural for us to rely on others as we go through our challenges and our struggles.

There is something about people in difficulty that amazes me. For some, they are open, willing, brave, and honest in sharing their particular situation. For others, they retrench, withdraw, cover-up and hide when they find themselves in a particularly unsettling place. I never have really understood what holds people back from asking for help, other than the fear of not receiving it, troubling someone else, or the belief they are supposed to figure it out for themselves.

With all that has gone on in our world lately, one thing is certain – difficult times have touched us all and we are not alone. Because we are not alone, the best way to make a difference is to reach out and help someone else. For it is from the strength of our collective contributions we can make everyone stronger.

Whenever I find myself to that point where I am overwhelmed and battling, I am amazed at how often someone shows up to inspire me in my journey; or, someone looks to me to help me in theirs. I am always amazed at how either one of those activities provides me a renewed sense of purpose and energy.

The other day someone was talking about a lesson they learned in martial arts. The lesson was that the best way to make the dojo (that special, honored place where martial arts training is done) stronger is for the team to make the weakest member better. That concept really touched me. In survivalist mentality, the strong move on and the weak are destroyed. However, in a trusted, nurturing environment we are called on to make the weaker stronger — an interesting conflict from a societal perspectives, to say the least.

As we go through our daily challenges – working through our routines, battling through the tough parts, celebrating our wins, driving toward our goals – we constantly have opportunities to give and get energy, to share our passion and purpose with others. No one is immune from the issues of the day. Some are struggling more than others. And, we could all use a hand, a kind word, a pat on the back, help lifting the load, or a little advice. As you face your battles remember two things – you are never alone and someone else needs your help.

Make someone stronger today — it’s a gift that strengthens us all.

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Change Starts With You

When you observe something in need of improvement, change, correction, or elimination and take no action – you have accepted the status quo and relinquished your right to complain about it.

Years ago I worked for a manager that would challenge me to be accountable for anything that I observed was, in my view, not functioning or working properly. Whenever I would walk into his office with a complaint or observation, he had two standard responses which, at first, frustrated me until I got it. Response number one was “thanks for sharing, is there a request in there?” Response number two was “if it is important enough for you to share with me your feelings on this matter, I would expect it would be important enough for you to do something about it.” Needless to say, I recognized early on my accountability for taking action on those issues or opportunities that I felt needed fixing.

We are all here to put our energies and gifts to work to improve, inspire, educate, and change. Each one of us brings a unique ability to the challenges in our lives, in our jobs, in the lives of our friends, and in the lives of those around us. Choosing to do nothing in the face of what we observe as “broken” is not using our abilities and skills as they were designed. While we may not be able to single handedly solve the local problems in our world, selecting the option not to do anything is not serving or helping anyone; and, it renders our ability to complain moot. For if you have the energy to complain, you have the energy to be part of the solution.

When I share these concepts with people, it makes many a little uncomfortable. First, many do not recognize or believe in their ability to influence change or improvement. Second, many do not like to be held accountable for taking action on issues that would rather point out to others. The key to dealing with this discomfort is to become more comfortable with the skills we have been blessed with to inspire and lead change.

When we observe a situation, policy or circumstance that is out of place, we automatically make the assumption that it is both apparent and important to others. Because of how we are wired, trained, and raised there is a high likelihood that it is our unique skill sets that make this issue and its solution more obvious only to us. Pointing it out and walking on by does nothing to fix the problem, for no one sees it as we do. Making a commitment to fixing, correcting and eliminating the problem is why we were able to see it in the first place. Using our skills to its fullest abilities requires that we cannot ignore or complain about it, we must be committed to being part of the solution. Anyone can complain, blame or detach from any issue – it takes a strong, focused, and aware person to actually step up and do something about it.

Next time you do not feel empowered or invested enough to solve a problem that hits you square in the face remember, it hit you in the face for a reason; and, if you decide to do nothing, you gave up your right to complain. Make a difference, leverage your unique skills and abilities, and embrace the opportunity to make a difference – the world, or at least your little part of it, needs you.