Quit living in Chaos!

August 25, 2025 by Leave a Comment

It is difficult to be logical and organized when everything around you is in a state of chaos. When you discover your child is dealing with an addiction, chaos easily becomes the routine. Nothing is the same, everything is turned upside down, and your “perfect” world feels as smashed as a quarter on a train track. Try as you might, there is no going back.

However, that doesn’t leave you doomed to live in chaos. You can create some order in the maelstrom. It all starts with boundaries. Boundaries define for everyone involved – you, your spouse, your child, and anyone else involved – what you as parent(s) will tolerate and what you won’t tolerate; what you are willing to do and what you aren’t willing to do; and what you expect of them and the outcomes associated with non-compliance. The guidelines and the outcomes are yours to define. Only you know how you desire everyone to interact in the household, and only you can define the consequences for not abiding by this structure.

As I can attest, the challenge for any parent is having the willingness to stick with the plan. Plans sound great on paper, but tend to fall apart in reality, as quickly as a diet plan facing off with post-dinner dessert hour. Let me share a few suggestions for your plan to deal with chaos. First, structure the rules in such a way that they can be managed and that you are actually willing to enforce them. When your kid gets arrested or you find evidence of addiction in his or her bedroom, what are you actually willing to do to address that? Second, define outcomes that encourage the behaviors you desire as well as penalties that make engaging in these future behaviors more difficult inside the house. Finally, if they choose not to abide by the rules – and assume they will try to buck the system, that’s what the plan is for – then remember this is their choice to disrespect the rules and embrace the outcomes, not yours. Your choice is how you choose to respond.

God gives us his law. Throughout the Bible, God shares with us his message for how he commands that we live, love and interact. The consequences of non-compliance are quite clear. While I do not believe he brings calamity upon us when we stray, we are at risk when we stray from the path he has called us to walk. When we walk in his path, it doesn’t mean everything will be rosy and easy, it means that we are under his protection and his guidance. When we stray, we are putting ourselves in danger.

Being a parent means clearly defining our expectations for our children. When they depart from our guidance and our rules, it doesn’t mean we abandon them. It does mean we have the responsibility to let them experience the outcomes of their choices. How else can they learn about their choices and the risks associated with departing from the guidelines you have established for them?

God teaches, guides, and instructs us in very powerful, sometimes painful ways. We can learn a lot about being a loving parent by his example. His rule is clear, his love is unconditional, and there are outcomes associated with our independent choices, both here and in the life to come. Apply this process in your family and with your addicted child, looking to God for guidance and support, and you will find there is less chaos and more clarity with your structure.

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Are you the parent of a child addicted to drugs or alcohol? The emotional rollercoaster of addiction is not God’s best for you or your family. Dave Cooke is an Addiction Coach and an internationally recognized speaker. Let him show you how to move your family back on track in a healthier direction by applying Christian principles. To contact Dave for private coaching, go to http://www.100pedals.com/coaching/ or email [email protected]. You’ll be amazed what a difference an hour with Dave can make in your life!

Are you on Dave’s email list? If you’d like to receive his monthly newsletter for the parents of addicted children and weekly blog post notifications, email [email protected]

 

Filed Under: Addiction, Christian living, featured, Giving Love, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Stop fighting a battle that’s not yours to fight!

August 4, 2025 by 8 Comments

When my son’s life first took a dramatic, addiction-related turn, many of the early casualties were my hopes and dreams I envisioned for him. From the time he was a boy, I envisioned the man he would become. His personality traits, unique skills, passions and interests reinforced my dreams. Then suddenly all that went out the window as addiction took over this wonderful person.

It is incredibly painful to watch your hopes and dreams appear to die. It is extremely difficult to release your hold on what you believed was possible for this child you raised. Not only are you witnessing a life interrupted, but you begin to fight for the life that could have been.

It can be even harder in this season to remember that God still has a plan – a GOOD plan - for your child’s life; and, that he has a good plan for yours as well. What you are witnessing is how God’s plans and your plans conflict. Regardless of how painful the current situation is and the impact of this unexpected, difficult path, you and your child are in God’s hands.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV)

When I was in the worst stages of my experiences with my son’s addiction, I felt completely powerless and helpless over his actions. I did everything I could to short-circuit or interrupt this freefall that had become his new path. Until I discovered this verse and reflected upon it. Did I believe it? What kind of future and hope did my son have now?

Instead of praying, “God please help me save my son,” I decided to change my prayer. I gave thanks to God for his plans: “God, I don’t know what you have in store for my son; but, I am grateful you have a plan for his life.” I gave it to God. Instead of wrestling for control over a life that I have no control over, I thankfully left it up to God to work his plan. Immediately, a calm and peace washed over me. I have prayed that prayer several times as the stresses of events washed over me. Each time, I found peace in the reality that this is God’s plan and I need to learn to trust in him.

“There are many plans in a man’s heart, nevertheless the Lord’s counsel—that will stand.” (Proverbs 19:21 NKJV)

God has a wonderful plan for our lives and for the lives of our children. Releasing your hold on how you thought life would turn out for your child and submitting to the unknown of God’s plan for both of you are massive steps of faith. And faith is not faith if you see the path and end result clearly. What we are living and experiencing in these moments of grief and loss and pain are but a small segment of a very large picture. God has the canvas and he is the painter. Paintings in process look messy, difficult, and often resemble little of the finished product. Instead of trying to wrestle control of the brush, we can practice waiting and watching in awe at the master’s work, and find joy and gratitude in his vision – his Master Painter’s eye – for our lives.

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Are you the parent of a child addicted to drugs or alcohol? The emotional rollercoaster of addiction is not God’s best for you or your family. Dave Cooke is an Addiction Coach and an internationally recognized speaker. Let him show you how to move your family back on track in a healthier direction by applying Christian principles. To contact Dave for private coaching, go to http://www.100pedals.com/coaching/ or email [email protected]. You’ll be amazed what a difference an hour with Dave can make in your life!

Are you on Dave’s email list? If you’d like to receive his monthly newsletter for the parents of addicted children and weekly blog post notifications, email [email protected]

 

Filed Under: Addiction, Christian living, featured, Giving Love, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Personal Insights, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Stop Arguing and Learn to Agree. Now!

July 21, 2025 by Leave a Comment

Addiction can destroy your family. Everyone deals with trauma in a different way. Some stand firm and persevere. Others become aloof and shut down emotionally. Addiction magnifies these differences, causing disagreement within the family unit: husband against wife, sister against brother, parent against child. Addiction is the great disruptor.

Don’t let this happen. Find the root of the problem and fix it. You might think your persevering wife, who stands strong through thick and thin, is your problem. Maybe she’s not. Or you may think the chaos created by your addicted child is the problem. Perhaps it’s not.

This is the problem. If you spend most of your time arguing with your spouse about your child’s addiction, you’re both at fault. Why? Because nothing is accomplished when you both are fighting for what you believe is right and forget to follow Christ’s example in conflict.

“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” (Philippians 2:1-5, NIV)

If your family has become a battle zone, look to God and work together in unity through prayer and communication. Come to agreement in action, not isolated in battle. Agreement is vital to the health of your marriage and your family.

“Amen, I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything for which they are to pray, it shall be granted to them by my heavenly Father. For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there I am in the midst of them.” (Matthew 18:19-20, NAB)

When you agree to put God first and follow his word, he will not only provide the wisdom you need but he will also grant your prayer requests. Pray, study the word, and come to agreement with your spouse. Focus on making God the center of your marriage and family life, especially now. Agree to stop fighting. Agree together in prayer. And then agree to follow the advice you receive from God concerning your child’s addiction.

When you avoid the battle and stand together in agreement with God, there’s no greater power on earth. None. That’s how miracles happen. Watch and see!

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Are you the parent of a child addicted to drugs or alcohol? The emotional roller coaster of addiction is not God’s best for you or your family. Dave Cooke is an Addiction Coach and an internationally recognized speaker. Let him show you how to move your family back on track in a healthier direction by applying Christian principles. To contact Dave for private coaching, go to http://www.100pedals.com/coaching/ or email [email protected]. You’ll be amazed what a difference an hour with Dave can make in your life!

Are you on Dave’s email list? If you’d like to receive his monthly newsletter for the parents of addicted children and weekly blog post notifications, email [email protected].

Filed Under: Addiction, Christian living, featured, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,

How Do I Make the Right Choice?

July 14, 2025 by 6 Comments

The parents of addicted children are often faced with difficult decisions. Nothing is ever easy. When you’re under this kind of stress, it’s hard to know if you’re making the best choice for you, your addicted child, and your family.

But it must be done. So how do you do it? How do you make the right choice again and again?

If you’re a Christian, the Bible tells you exactly how to do this. First, you need a plan. Next, every choice you make should support that plan.

To create a good plan, begin with trust. Trust God to have an awesome plan in mind for you and your family, just like he promises in the Bible:

“For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope. When you call me, and come and pray to me, I will listen to you. When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me, and I will change your lot.” (Jeremiah 29:11-14, NAB)

Your plan must be the best plan for your addicted child AND your entire family. Everyone is important in an addiction situation. No one should be left out. But don’t worry. If your plan abides by the Ten Commandments, it’s a good plan for your Christian family.

Now that you have a plan, how do you make the right choices to support that plan? Once again, the Bible offers sound advice:

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me. Then the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:8-9, NAB)

Making the best choice in any addiction situation isn’t as difficult as it might seem. Trust God to help you create a plan in line with his commandments. Make sure every decision not only supports that plan but also follows the wise advice in Philippians.

When you do, you’ll make good choices. And you’ll walk in the peace of God. Wow. It doesn’t get any better than that, does it?

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Are you the parent of a child addicted to drugs or alcohol? The emotional roller coaster of addiction is not God’s best for you or your family. Dave Cooke is an Addiction Coach and an internationally recognized speaker. Let him show you how to move your family back on track in a healthier direction by applying Christian principles. To contact Dave for private coaching, go to http://www.100pedals.com/coaching/ or email [email protected]. You’ll be amazed what a difference an hour with Dave can make in your life!

Are you on Dave’s email list? If you’d like to receive his monthly newsletter for the parents of addicted children and weekly blog post notifications, email [email protected]

Filed Under: Addiction, Christian living, featured, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

What’s the Difference Between a Support Group and a Coach?

June 23, 2025 by 4 Comments

A support group can be very helpful in the beginning. You’ve just discovered your beloved child is addicted to drugs or alcohol. It’s quite a shock. In a support group, you’ll find other parents experiencing the same overwhelming emotions. You’re not alone, and it’s an immense relief.

Support groups are the place where you’ll find good information and resources. Those first few months are crucial for learning everything you can about addiction. You’ll also be exposed to lots of parental advice. Basically, what has and hasn’t worked for each member.

And that’s where you need to be careful. Not all advice will be appropriate for your situation.

For example, some in support groups insist the only way to force addicted children into recovery is to kick them out of the house. That’s not true. There are no one-size-fits-all solutions.

Advice like that can be heartbreaking for parents new to the addiction jungle. At this point, you’re just trying to find solid ground and regain your footing. All the parenting rules have changed overnight. It’s a confusing and highly emotional time for most parents.

A good coach recognizes this. And that’s the difference between a support group and a coach. Like I said, no two addiction situations are the same. Yes, it’s important to set firm boundaries and house rules. Yes, it’s important for your addicted child to be aware of these boundaries and the consequences of breaking your rules.

But that doesn’t mean your only option is to kick your child out. Far from it. Good coaches teach parents to think rationally in chaotic situations. We encourage them to develop effective communication skills and avoid emotional pitfalls.

It’s never good to overwhelm a traumatized parent. The best approach is to teach parents specific skills that inspire confidence and healing. They need proven strategies to help them prepare for disaster before it strikes again. A good coach guides parents through the turbulence of addiction, as they define their goals.

No matter where you are on your path, there’s hope. Lots of it! Just make sure the advice you follow is appropriate for you, your family, and your particular addiction situation.

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Is your child addicted to drugs or alcohol? Are you trapped on the emotional rollercoaster of addiction? Dave Cooke can help. He’s an Addiction Coach and an internationally recognized speaker. Let him show you how to create an action plan that will move you, your family, and your addicted child back on track in a healthier direction. To contact Dave for private coaching, go to http://www.100pedals.com/coaching/ or email [email protected].

Are you on Dave’s email list? If you’d like to receive his monthly newsletter for the parents of addicted children and weekly blog post notifications, email [email protected]

Filed Under: Addiction, featured, Learning From Experience, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Does Unconditional Love Really Work? Yes!

June 9, 2025 by Leave a Comment

Being the parent of an addicted child isn’t easy. It’s like driving down a bumpy road in unknown territory. Ouch! Fortunately, the Bible is filled with sound advice for any stressful situation you might encounter.

For example, let’s look at the relationship between unconditional love and addiction. As loving parents, your first instinct is to rescue your addicted children from their destructive choices.

But that’s not how God demonstrates unconditional love. He operates by His Law in the Bible. God created us in His image and gave us free will. We can choose to follow God’s Law and reap blessings. Or we can ignore His Law and reap curses. It’s our right to choose.

God gave us the sacrament of confession for those times when we mess up. If we use our free will to ask for forgiveness and make a sincere effort to change our ways, God’s blessings return.

How can these Biblical principles help the parents of addicted children?

Let’s say one of the requirements for your son’s probation is employment. But he hasn’t gotten a job. He refuses to ride the bus to work.

God doesn’t rescue us when we fail to abide by His Law. Likewise, you shouldn’t rescue your son. Don’t offer to drive him to work every day. Unconditional love means teaching your son the importance of taking responsibility for his mistakes and following the rules (in his case, the requirements for his probation).

Maybe your addicted daughter wants to come home. She apologizes for the mess she made the last time she lived under your roof and promises to do better. But you don’t know if you can believe her.

God forgives us when we repent. But only if we change our ways and commit to following His Law. The same applies to your daughter. Apologies are great, but she must agree to follow your house rules. If not, she’s out. Unconditional love means requiring her to follow through with her promises when she asks for forgiveness. Talk isn’t enough. She needs to walk it.

God loves His children more than anything. But He’s no doormat, and neither are you. Practice unconditional love by setting healthy boundaries and requiring your addicted children to walk their talk.

That’s “real” love. Ask God. He knows.

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Is your child addicted to drugs or alcohol? Are you trapped on the emotional rollercoaster of addiction? Dave Cooke can help. He’s an Addiction Coach and an internationally recognized speaker. Let him show you how to create an action plan that will move you, your family, and your addicted child back on track in a healthier direction. Contact Dave today for private coaching. Go to http://www.100pedals.com/coaching/ for more information or email [email protected].

Are you on Dave’s email list? If you’d like to receive his monthly newsletter for the parents of addicted children and weekly blog post notifications, email [email protected]

 

Filed Under: featured, Giving Love, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , ,

Are You Hoping for a Miracle?

June 2, 2025 by 1 Comment

Addicts are the masters of hopelessness. Addiction rewires the brain to crave more and more of the alcohol or drug it is addicted to. The longer your child is addicted to these chemicals, the harder it is to escape.

Fighting this battle leads to a sense of hopelessness for most addicts. They get to the point where being numb feels better than charging against “Goliath” every minute of the day, failing again and again. Eventually, they lose hope.

Hopelessness is contagious. If you’re the parent of an addicted child, don’t let it defeat you, too.

Instead, do whatever you can to rekindle hopefulness in your addicted child.

Begin by practicing the “Show Don’t Tell” principle. When your child was young, you could teach by instruction. But those days are gone. Now your child is a teen or older, and the addicted brain is unteachable. The best way to work around this obstacle is to demonstrate hope by living it.

Here’s how. If you want your addicted child to regain a sense of hope for the future, find the positive in YOUR life and celebrate it every day. Live in the present moment and express your gratitude for even the tiniest bit of goodness in your life. If you’re a spiritual person, walk your talk.

That’s right. Release your child’s life and concentrate 100% on cultivating hope in YOUR life. Hope is like a flower. If you water hope regularly with positive thoughts and words, it will grow and thrive.

Ready for some good news? Hope is as contagious as hopelessness. It is. Keep nurturing the hope in your life through your words and actions. Soon you’ll notice an energy shift in your family. Everyone will become more hopeful. Even your addicted child. Imagine that?

Children watch their parents like hawks. Your best parenting comes from teaching by example. Serve your family a large dose of hope every day through your hopeful life. Hope is good medicine. Why? It’s what you need to create a miracle.

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Is your child addicted to drugs or alcohol? Are you trapped on the emotional rollercoaster of addiction? Dave Cooke can help. He’s an Addiction Coach and an internationally recognized speaker. Let him show you how to create an action plan that will move you, your family, and your addicted child back on track in a healthier direction. Go to http://www.100pedals.com/coaching/ for more information or contact Dave at [email protected].

Are you on Dave’s email list? If you’d like to receive his monthly newsletter for the parents of addicted children and weekly blog post notifications, email [email protected]

Filed Under: Addiction, featured, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Did I Say the Wrong Thing?

May 5, 2025 by 7 Comments

You just found out your child is addicted to drugs or alcohol or both. Wow. No parent ever expects to receive news like this. Whether you discovered it yourself or someone told you, it’s always a shock.

Once you regain your balance, you immediately fire a million questions at your addicted child. You want to know why this happened, how it happened, and who did this to your child? As a parent, you want addiction to make sense. There must be a logical reason for it, right?

Wrong. Addiction is a complicated issue. It changes the brain of your child in illogical ways. Don’t expect addiction to make sense. It doesn’t.

This becomes very clear when your child attempts to answer your questions. It’s as if your child is suddenly speaking in a foreign language. It sounds like nonsense to you, and it probably is. But it makes perfect sense to your child.

When parents try to rationalize addiction they jump to the wrong conclusion by turning it into their issue. They begin to think the addiction must be their fault. They failed in some way as parents. Somehow, someway, they said the wrong thing. Or they made a mistake. I mean, addiction only happens in the families of bad parents, right?

Wrong. Your child’s addiction is not a reflection on your parenting skills. You can’t stop your child from abusing drugs or alcohol. Addiction happens in good families, as well as dysfunctional families. It’s an equal opportunity nightmare.

The best way to help your addicted child is to remove yourself from the addiction equation. This isn’t your problem. You didn’t create it, and it has nothing to do with you as a parent.

This is your child’s problem. Your child made the decision to become addicted to chemicals.
Loosen your grip and drop this addiction back into your child’s lap. That’s where it belongs.

When you release ownership of the addiction, you’re free to focus on what’s important: finding professional help for your child. Now you can move forward from a place of strength and do what needs to be done for your family.

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Is your child addicted to drugs or alcohol? Is your family trapped on the emotional rollercoaster of addiction? Dave Cooke is an Addiction Coach and an internationally recognized speaker. Let him show you how to create an action plan that will move you, your family, and your addicted child back on track in a healthier direction. Contact Dave today for private coaching or book him to speak at your church, parent’s group, business organization, or neighborhood association. Go to http://www.100pedals.com/speaker-dave-cooke/ for more information or email [email protected].

Are you on Dave’s email list? If you’d like to receive his monthly newsletter for the parents of addicted children and weekly blog post notifications, email [email protected]

Filed Under: Addiction, featured, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , ,

The disease of addiction is treatable

April 17, 2025 by Leave a Comment

Today’s guest shares our passion, our desire, and our commitment to better treatment norms and outcomes for all people and families suffering from the effects of the disease of addiction.

Today’s guest, Lorne Hildebrand, is Executive Director of Edgewood Treatment Facility in Vancouver Island, Canada.

Our guest passionately and enthusiastically declares “the disease of addiction is treatable” and how it can be accomplished. He shares a proven, conventional and documented approach - though it is not as easy or simple as any of us would wish it to be. Lorne brings a refreshingly direct and honest conversation to the issue of addiction in our society, including the legal, medical, societal, political, educational and personal obstacles to obtaining and sustaining a proper treatment regimen.

There is nothing better that an authentic intellectual discussion about addiction - today’s Addiction Conversation delivers in a wonderful way!

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An Unconventional Recovery with a Pay it Forward Gift

April 2, 2025 by Leave a Comment

Today’s guest, Chris Aguirre, has been in recovery from alcohol and drugs since 1997. From firsthand experience he knows sobriety may be simple but is not always easy.

Chris shares an interesting recovery story and brings a unique perspective to his conversation. For Chris, recovery wasn’t connected to a treatment program or sustained by traditional methods. Though he followed an nontraditional, somewhat ill-advised path to his recovery, his eighteen year sober journey has been reflective and enlightening.

It is in conjunction with his perspectives of past and present that Chris has made a commitment to be a resource to those who are dealing with their addictions.

In our conversation, Chris comments on:

  • His own challenges dealing with the addiction of a loved one
  • The joy that comes from witnessing others grow in their sobriety
  • The power that comes with positively reflecting on your past without trying to hide or forget it
  • How he found contentment in recovery and life.

We are often blessed by the gifts from those who share their stories and experiences in the conversation and this is certainly one of those enlightening ones! Enjoy!

Follow Chris on his journey via his website, Since Right Now.

Filed Under: Addiction, featured, Lessons In Addiction, Living Your Purpose Tagged With: , , , ,
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