My Addicted Child Won’t Listen to Me. Now What?

June 16, 2025 by 3 Comments

Talking with your addicted child is never easy. These conversations have a tendency to explode, become emotionally charged, and very uncomfortable.

This wouldn’t happen if you were talking to the child you raised. But you’re not. You’re talking to a stranger. Addiction rewires the brain and turns your child into a two-dimensional, dramatic, defensive, narcissistic stranger. It’s like trying to talk to a cardboard cutout of your child. The person you used to know has disappeared.

Even so, there are things you must say to your addicted child. Conversations like these are essential. They help you and your family move forward in a positive direction.

Unfortunately, this stranger refuses to listen to you. That’s the conversational hurdle you face every day. But don’t worry. There’s a solution. When dealing with the addicted brain, what you don’t say is now more important than what you do say.

Here’s what I mean. A conversation about your house rules is one of those talks you must have with your addicted child. It’s an area you can control, and it reinforces your role as a responsible parent.

However, this is not an opportunity to rant, vent, complain, criticize, make demands, or open old wounds. Stay in control. Don’t allow it to sink into an emotionally charged argument. Be clear, concise, and leave no room for debate.

Stay calm and focused when you explain the benefits of following your house rules and the consequences of breaking them. Don’t threaten. Your addicted child is completely free to choose either option.

House rules are vital. There must be guidelines to follow when disaster happens. And we all know addiction is a walking disaster. Control what you can beforehand to reestablish your authority in your home. Let go of what you can’t control.

Follow these suggestions, and your addicted child will be more likely to listen. Your goal in any conversation is to inform. That’s it. What your addicted child does with this information is his or her responsibility. Not yours.

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Is your child addicted to drugs or alcohol? Are you trapped on the emotional roller coaster of addiction? Dave Cooke can help. He’s an Addiction Coach and an internationally recognized speaker. Let him show you how to create an action plan that will move you, your family, and your addicted child back on track in a healthier direction. To contact Dave for private coaching, go to http://www.100pedals.com/coaching/ or email [email protected].

Are you on Dave’s email list? If you’d like to receive his monthly newsletter for the parents of addicted children and weekly blog post notifications, email [email protected]

Filed Under: Addiction, featured, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , ,

Did I Say the Wrong Thing?

May 5, 2025 by 7 Comments

You just found out your child is addicted to drugs or alcohol or both. Wow. No parent ever expects to receive news like this. Whether you discovered it yourself or someone told you, it’s always a shock.

Once you regain your balance, you immediately fire a million questions at your addicted child. You want to know why this happened, how it happened, and who did this to your child? As a parent, you want addiction to make sense. There must be a logical reason for it, right?

Wrong. Addiction is a complicated issue. It changes the brain of your child in illogical ways. Don’t expect addiction to make sense. It doesn’t.

This becomes very clear when your child attempts to answer your questions. It’s as if your child is suddenly speaking in a foreign language. It sounds like nonsense to you, and it probably is. But it makes perfect sense to your child.

When parents try to rationalize addiction they jump to the wrong conclusion by turning it into their issue. They begin to think the addiction must be their fault. They failed in some way as parents. Somehow, someway, they said the wrong thing. Or they made a mistake. I mean, addiction only happens in the families of bad parents, right?

Wrong. Your child’s addiction is not a reflection on your parenting skills. You can’t stop your child from abusing drugs or alcohol. Addiction happens in good families, as well as dysfunctional families. It’s an equal opportunity nightmare.

The best way to help your addicted child is to remove yourself from the addiction equation. This isn’t your problem. You didn’t create it, and it has nothing to do with you as a parent.

This is your child’s problem. Your child made the decision to become addicted to chemicals.
Loosen your grip and drop this addiction back into your child’s lap. That’s where it belongs.

When you release ownership of the addiction, you’re free to focus on what’s important: finding professional help for your child. Now you can move forward from a place of strength and do what needs to be done for your family.

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Is your child addicted to drugs or alcohol? Is your family trapped on the emotional rollercoaster of addiction? Dave Cooke is an Addiction Coach and an internationally recognized speaker. Let him show you how to create an action plan that will move you, your family, and your addicted child back on track in a healthier direction. Contact Dave today for private coaching or book him to speak at your church, parent’s group, business organization, or neighborhood association. Go to http://www.100pedals.com/speaker-dave-cooke/ for more information or email [email protected].

Are you on Dave’s email list? If you’d like to receive his monthly newsletter for the parents of addicted children and weekly blog post notifications, email [email protected]

Filed Under: Addiction, featured, Lessons In Addiction, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , ,