How to find what you are looking for

November 14, 2025 by Leave a Comment

We cannot have, do, receive or create in others what does not exist within us first.

Everything we seek — love, affirmation, leadership, approval — must first be discovered from within before it can be fully integrated into our life. Once that essential component exists internally, is understood and assimilated into one’s being, only then will a person be in a powerful position to truly receive it from and share it with others.

How many times have we heard “Happiness starts from within” or “Home is where the heart is” or “You cannot find love until you love yourself first“? Each of these sayings and many more like them are a reminder what we seek in others we must first find in ourselves. As each of us look to others to help us find, discover, celebrate or enjoy those aspects we desire most in our lives, the stark reality is that no one can give us what we haven’t already given ourselves first. Now what? How can I find, discover or create that which is missing from within? Like everything it is a process.

  • Start by identifying those qualities, aspects, or traits you are looking for in another person.
  • Examine your behaviors, self-talk, and actions and evaluate your personal performance in your own life to those qualities.
  • Identify the gaps and define the actions you are going to begin to take that will improve on your own personal performance.
  • Create a standard by which you will begin to treat yourself and help yourself achieve.
  • Put the action plan to work, make changes along the way, while celebrating and measuring your progress.
  • After a while, you will be living your life in the manner you desire and giving you what you need most.
  • Since you are not looking for “it” anymore, you will not be searching it out.
  • When you stop looking for “it” you will find what you are looking for in others and you will be drawn towards those people that exemplify what you valued most. The difference is, you now know what it really is and how it truly manifests itself in your life.

Each of us is responsible for who we are and where we are going. While components of our journey take on paths where we seek in others what cannot find in ourselves, we will not find what we are looking for in others until we first find it within us. It is only then that we can appreciate this gift in others and allow their gifts to manifest themselves within us.

Filed Under: Celebrating Accomplishment, Embrace Responsibility Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Interrupting the Interruptions

April 1, 2025 by Leave a Comment

“The disturbers of happiness are our desires, our griefs, and our fears.” -Samuel Johnson

Last week I shared my most recent, surprising, and disruptive experiences with Brandon. Despite this adversity, I was able to forge ahead and have a very productive, fulfilling week. While I suffered for Brandon and his situation, I was also quite focused that the life I was living and the activities I was engaging is was the path I needed to remain on despite the chaos around me.

As I read this quote shared by Gretchen Rubin and her Happiness Project, I immediately reflected back to a paragraph from last week’s thoughts:

Life interrupts our momentum with the biggest of hurts, distractions and challenges. No one enjoys them, looks forward to them, or even asks for them. They come anyway. What you do, where you go, and how you live in the face of these adversities is measured by how effectively you stay on your path as you go through it. Adversities can slow you and distract you — but, they also define you. When the storm hits — be strong, stay focused, and keep moving. Trust your path and you will get through it. And, remind yourself to trust that others are on their very unique path, as well — their journey is not yours to define or manage.

Whether your happiness is being interrupted by external forces or that incessant, internal chatter in your head, the key to remaining focused and on your path is trust. Once you have defined your vision for your life and begin to travel the path toward that vision, the key to staying on course is trust. There will be course corrections, their will be detours and, at times, progress will be slow. This does not mean your vision or your path are flawed or failed. It means you need to trust your choices and your decisions. It means you need to find happiness and peace through the journey — even the confusing, challenging, and difficult parts. And, it means that you need to interrupt those forces — internal or external — that are attempting to derail you along the way by reminding yourself why you defined this path and what you are driving towards.

When you interrupt the interrupters with a focused, committed confidence, you experience peace, joy and happiness in maintaining your effort.

 

Filed Under: Maintaining Focus, Make A Commitment, Managing Adversity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Choose to Make a Difference

January 6, 2026 by Leave a Comment

Day 6: 23.2 miles/1:26

”You have an opportunity to use your gifts to make a difference in this world every day. Whether you choose to or not is entirely up to you. I choose to make a difference!”

Our gifts and our talents are not provided to us solely for our fulfillment; our gifts and our talents have been provided to us so that we can share them with others for their benefit. Whether you believe it or not, your special talents have been given to you to share with others. Not sharing, developing, or using them to their fullest is denying others the potential benefits that they were designed to receive from you. Holding back is almost a selfish act. Sharing and giving is a selfless act.

My attempts to help Brandon see the possibilities of realizing his promise through a series of small accomplishments are thwarted by his inability to find a historical reference point of when things were “normal.” He is still in survival mode. His life is defined simply by food, shelter, and, for now, sobriety. Making or creating a future is not in his psyche. . Just like any other addict, he is simply attempting to get through the day. Except right now, thankfully, he is working at being a recovering addict. Just the same, the notion of finding energy through the sharing of his gifts is a distant, inconceivable activity.

Every one of us struggles with who we really are. Many of us have crafted a role for ourselves that has now defined us. Are we being who we are really meant to be; or, are we simply and very effectively acting out the role we created for ourselves? Every one of us has an obligation to explore our lives and decide if we are providing the world with the best of our talents, our passion and our energy? Are we really being the person that we were meant to be?

Brandon sees himself as an addict. He doesn’t see himself as a talented musician. It is as if the recovering addict has to allow him to be a musician before he can become one. It is not the case. In reality, he will always be a recovering addict. But, his real existence and purpose is to be the musical talent reflected in his gifts and passion. Were he to allow those gifts to surface and begin to share them with others, he would find the light and the joy that may be able to help him redefine his role. Until he does, he will simply be a recovering addict, fighting for survival.

It is not the role that defines who we are. It is our gifts and our talents and our passion and our energy for them that enable us to make a difference in the lives of others. Once we stop playing our roles and become who we were meant to be, we will find the joy and the excitement that many of us are missing out on. While we may not be able to simply change the channel and do something different, we can begin to let our real light shine so that others can benefit from what we were destined to offer. I choose to let my skills and passion live so that I can make a difference. I hope you can, too!

Filed Under: Inspirational Perspectives, Live With Passion, Living Your Purpose, Maintaining Focus, Uncategorized Tagged With: , ,