Where that inner calm can take us

True peace comes from having the courage to focus on the mission at hand while ignoring the chaos of the storm.

Peace is that inner calm that does not distract you from the task at hand so you can focus on what you have committed to without worry, regret, fear, or doubt. It takes courage to make a focused choice. From that place of inner calm we are able to be strong and willful to follow through.

I have witnessed many people go into highly stressful, chaotic situations. Those moments where the pressure is at its highest point and nerves are frayed and tested. They step up and take command and seem to be completely oblivious to the environment that they are in. Many refer to this state as “staying in the moment.”

When you ask them later how they did it, they confidently and humbly reply I simply focused on what I needed to do. Easier said than done!

This is the difference between bold, confident execution and missing opportunity. Instead of finding peace — that inner focus, calm and confidence — that enables someone to step into an opportunity and shine, many (me included) hesitate, examine the situation, assess our ability to succeed and then take action, most of the time. The minute we hesitate, we have lost our focus in the moment and are now in conflict with ourselves. We are not peaceful anymore and our courage is tested.

When I get up to give a talk, I think nothing of the situation. I know that whether the room is filled with ten people or five hundred, that I have a story, a message and a gift. I have been called on to speak because they trust me, believe in me, and want me to step up. I focus on the talk, the stories, and engage the audience without hesitation. If I took one moment to reflect on the situation, I would be distracted, interrupt my energy, and likely create unnecessary internal tension at that moment when peace is my most powerful ally. The outcome of that distraction likely will have some impact on my talk.

We are thrust into situations or presented opportunities because we are capable of succeeding in them. Having the courage to boldly, unhesitatingly, and confidently seizing the moment without distraction or doubt is what peace is all about. Don’t give in to the chaos of the moment, find peace in your ability to be awesome in the midst of it and boldly move forward.

 

Escape is easier than you believe!

Many times I catch myself letting my mind wander, wishing I could simply escape what is going on around me. You know that feeling when the chaos, confusion or tensions of the day offer much turmoil and little escape. Those moments are akin to the old Calgon TV ads where the exasperated mom cries out, “Calgon take me away!

If it were only that easy. In many respects it actually is.

I call it “re-framing your environment.” Every now and then we have this overpowering desire to escape, run away, find peace, or hide. It happens. There is something invigorating about finding time to breakaway, do something we enjoy, and simply recharge. Unfortunately the demands of family, work, and other commitments make the ideal escape — like running away from home for a week or two — difficult, even unrealistic. There are times where it seems that finding even a moment to escape and do that little something that helps us recharge is nearly impossible. In the face of these perceived limitations, despite the insanity that surrounds and drains us, many surrender and not do anything at all.

This is not good. We all need to make time to connect with our passion and recharge. If we don’t, the sacrifice eventually has an adverse impact to the point where what is being given to others in this moment of sacrifice and obligation to others ends up falling short of what they really need from you and less than what you are able to offer anymore. Eventually, the tank will run dry and then we are of no value to ourselves or anyone else.

Re-framing your environment is finding a way to break free from the chaos and creatively redefining the environment in a manner that gives you a sense of escape to make time for yourself. Re-framing your environment is about blocking time to provide some semblance of the escape needed to physically, emotionally, and spiritually recharge. The key to this exercise is embracing the notion of escape — creating a sense that you have broken away or are separated from the normal or exceptional chaos in your life, even for a little while. Obviously, activities like biking, hiking, running, walking, and meditating are easy activities in this area. For those who cannot simply go outside everyday, the exercise requires a little more thought and creativity.

When I engaged in my one hundred pedals rides — one hundred consecutive days with a bike ride of at least one hour — I had a commitment on my calendar where I was going to be in Michigan the first week of February. In the middle of winter, there was no opportunity to ride my bike outdoors like I was in Arizona. I knew I could ride a stationary bike at the local gym in Detroit. I did it all the time. This time was different. I was celebrating incredible meditative experiences in association with these rides and simply riding a stationary bike was not the key to maintaining this state. Instead of simply riding a bike in the gym, I made arrangements with the manager to move a spin bike into the yoga room. I turned of the lights, turned up the music and rode in the dark. Through this set-up I rode alone, in isolation with only my thoughts, and had effectively created an environment similar to that which I was experiencing riding outdoors in Arizona. I successfully re-framed my environment.

It isn’t always easy to facilitate those moments that enable us to escape and recharge. At the same time, finding the time or creating the environment that works for us, is less about what is possible and more about deciding what is necessary. Sacrifice, commitment to others, and fulfilling the obligations associated with the expectations in our roles cannot be minimized — they are also not an excuse. Everyone needs time to recharge, reload, and re-energize themselves. Want an escape? Create one, re-frame your environment and make it happen!!

Managing The Storms In Our Life

“While the choices and decisions of others hurt, confound, and destroy; the choices you make are what define where you are going and how you will get there.”

I knew that something was seriously wrong as I watched the police walk up my stairs to the front door. Brandon had just come over and was going to hang out for a while. Immediately, I sensed they were here for him. Since everything appeared to be headed in a better direction in his life, I was hoping that my fears would be calmed and that their visit had another purpose.

I was wrong.

They were here for him. They identified him, handcuffed him, searched him, and led him away. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t try to give me any information. One minute he was here and the next minute he was not.

Who knows where he is, what is going to happen next or how long he will be gone.

That was my Saturday night. Certainly not the one I was looking forward to.

I had a very sleepless night. I woke up often, slept little, and my mind raced. Despite the fact that I am hurt, angry, worried, concerned, and disappointed, I am also finding my own peace in the midst of chaos.

I love each of my children more than anything. I desire for them to celebrate the life they have and to discover the joy that exists within them to be who they are and love who they are. But, my children, like your children, are human. And, some people just seem destined to follow their own unique, challenging, scary, stupid, and inexplicable path.

Here is where I find my inner peace. As much as Brandon’s path hurts, confounds, and confuses — it is his life. While I am responsible to him for love, guidance, support, and advice — I cannot define, control, or change his choices. This is his path and his journey.

As I sit here today, drinking my coffee, writing this article, and feeling his absence, I remind myself that who I am, where I am going, and what I have committed to live and do is not defined by, or can be interrupted by, the life Brandon has chosen to live. He is on his very special, unique journey. I am on mine. He is loved more than any son can be loved. That is all I can do, especially now.

Life interrupts our momentum with the biggest of hurts, distractions and challenges. No one enjoys them, looks forward to them, or even asks for them. They come anyway. What you do, where you go, and how you live in the face of these adversities is measured by how effectively you stay on your path as you go through it. Adversities can slow you and distract you — but, they also define you. When the storm hits — be strong, stay focused, and keep moving. Trust your path and you will get through it. And, remind yourself to trust that others are on their very unique path, as well — their journey is not yours to define or manage.

This is how I am finding peace in a very dark place. I hope you can and will too!