Its been four years…

April 13, 2025 by 3 Comments
My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. ~ Maya Angelou

Celebrating the one hundredth consecutive bike ride on April 10, 2025

It is hard to believe that it has been four years since I completed my first 100Day Challenge. On Sunday, April 10, 2011, I completed a 24 mile bike ride. It was my one hundredth consecutive day riding my bike for at least one hour. My son joined me on the last four miles of the ride. It was a significant accomplishment.

The final statistics over those one hundred days: 2,360 miles and 141 hours riding.

Reflecting on the journey now known as 100Pedals, I have come a long way in four years. Though the sting and the pain of addiction is part of my world, I am at peace with my journey. While my son still has not embraced the recovery a parent so passionately desires for their addicted child, his addiction does not have control over my life. Regardless of the choices he makes in his life, I have come through this adversity a changed man - a better dad, a better husband, a better person, and a born again believer.

I never thought I would be that dad - the one whose son would be battling a drug addiction, nonetheless a heroin addiction. I would never have predicted that I would make a full-time commitment to such an important cause as addiction in our society. And, I never would have believed it possible to reflect back on all the trials and tribulations of this very dark, painful journey and call it one of life’s greatest gifts.

It’s been four years since I “crossed the finish line” of the one hundred day challenge. My addiction journey is nearly six years old. I am young in this battle. I have only just begun the fight to bring about the changes we need to get this addiction crisis in our communities under control. The four fronts of my mission are better treatment, affordable access to treatment, better laws, and better conversations about addiction.

I am here to assist those who struggle with the “broken path” in their life’s journey. I am here to stand tall with anyone who desires to bring changes to the issue of addiction in our communities. Let me know where you need me and I will be there! Peace!

******

Are you trying to cope with your child’s addiction? Are you weary of riding the frustrating rollercoaster of this addiction? Dave Cooke has the solution to your dilemma, and he’s happy to share it with you. In fact, it’s become his mission in life.

Dave Cooke is the father of a son addicted to heroin. Like you, he suddenly found himself thrust into a state of confusion, heartache, and despair. And like all parents of addicts, he scrambled to find solid ground when addiction turned his world upside down.

In the process, he created a way to help parents find peace in the midst of chaos. An internationally recognized speaker, Dave’s presentations inspire with energy, commitment, and real solutions for troubled parents. “Thought-provoking” and “powerful” are just two of the descriptions his audiences often apply to his talks.

Learn more about Dave Cooke’s speaking programs

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It is time for a New Beginning

April 6, 2025 by Leave a Comment

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” ~ Carl Bard

This past Easter weekend was a reminder about resurrection and new beginnings.

A transformed life begins when you look past the present and forward into the future. There is nothing you can do to alter your past and there is almost nothing you cannot do in your future. The only person who can get in your way on your transformational journey is you.

Over the years, I have written several articles about change and transformation. Every one of these articles features many of these same, repeating themes:

As a parent of a child with an addiction, I am often reminded of these rules as I witness the struggles my son goes through to change his life. Addiction recovery is one of the most challenging and difficult transformational journeys. My experiences with my son’s addiction only serve to re-enforce my belief that you have all the power you need to change your life, provided you are willing to do the work for you.

Today’s quote is particularly inspiring because it empowers and encourages you to focus at what really matters - today. History often prevents you from accomplishing a much in the future. Having experienced the pain or frustration of failure to create the change in your life before often makes you less likely, willing or confident to explore any similar path again.

This is too bad. Some of your greatest lessons are your biggest failures. Instead of looking at a mission as failure, look at it as an education. Ask yourself “what did I learn and what can I do differently next time?” Instead of fearing failure on your next mission, you are more prepared to succeed because of the lessons gained on your transformational journey.

Think about it. Would it be better to apply the lessons from your past to embrace and seek out the possibility for a better future and commit to move forward; or, resign yourself to your present reality as unchangeable and stop?

There are no simple, easy, or guarantee escapes from that which troubles you. You have two choices - commit to find a path of change and focus your efforts in that direction or stay put on the one you know keeps you unfulfilled. Only one of those paths reflects a new beginning.

Isn’t it time for a resurrection, a new beginning, in your life? May you discover and embrace the path that takes you where you wish to be. Peace!

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Do you feel like you are stuck in an awful, difficult spot in your life? Does the pain, fear, doubt, worry seem bigger and stronger than you? I have been in that place. There was a time when I didn’t see how I could possibly change my life, especially when my son was struggling with his addiction. Fortunately, I put myself on a path that completely changed my life. It is now popularly referred to as the 100Day Challenge. I am kicking off a 100Day Challenge program for parents like you who are stuck, broken, hurting. If you would like to learn more about this program, please contact me.

Filed Under: featured, Make A Commitment, Managing Adversity, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

100Days That Will Change Your Life

March 30, 2025 by 4 Comments

Every once in a while I receive a note or an encouraging, grateful word. This week, I received an email I had to share. I am so pleased to share this with you, not because of the kinds words about 100Pedals; but, because this mom changed her life following the very simple, foundational principle so few truly understand or embrace.

I wanted to thank you so much for helping me. Earlier this year I had the opportunity to hear you speak about 100 Pedals at the ‘For the Love of Connor‘ event. I also had the opportunity to talk with you for a few minutes after the program.

You asked for an update when I told you I was going to give your 100Day challenge a try. Today is DAY 50!

In December of 2013 my youngest child, died after a 12 year battle with cancer, at the age of 32. December of 2013 was much a blur, I got through it as if I was walking through a fog. Last winter I spent many days in bed, gradually functioning, minimally, in the routine of daily life.

December of 2014 arrived, (on schedule of course!) and my life seemed to come to a screeching halt. My son’s birthday, the anniversary of his death, Christmas, and all festivities that accompany the holidays were too much.

In January I again found myself going down into a very dark hole and wondering if I could ever find my ‘new normal and get myself out of that hole. When my cousin asked me, I agreed to attend the ‘For the Love of Connor‘ event and I’m not even sure why I said ‘yes’. In retrospect, I was meant to be there!

I decided to make your idea my own. Every Sunday I plan my daily ‘me time’. One hour each day is used to focus on my physical, emotional and/or spiritual well being. Negative thoughts are not allowed - change to positive is a must. For example, if negative thoughts of of my son’s death come to my mind, I make myself think about his smile, his antics when he was a little one, etc. I think about the wonderful things that I experienced with my son. Also, I try very hard to think about different, “happier” aspects of my life during this ‘me time’. I walk, meditate, read, ride a bike, dance, have had a massage, ‘pay it forward’, listen to music, and have been known to do some “retail therapy” for new pair of shoes!

At first, it was difficult. The whole mediation thing lasted about 5minutes. I’m still working on that, up to about 20minutes, but I think it has more to do with my personality than trying to work through grief. (Yoga is way too slow for me too!)

Today is DAY 50 and I am doing so much better. For example, March 6th, the 15 month anniversary of my son’s death…On the previous evening as I was preparing to get to sleep, I was thinking about what the next day would be like. 15 months and sometimes it feels as if it was yesterday and sometimes it feels as if it has always has been. The morning of the 6th, I woke up and was thinking about and visualizing my son and his best friend laughing. From the time they formed their friendship, in the fourth grade, into adulthood, they always laughed as if they were sharing a secret or were ‘up to something’! It was such a wonderful way to start what could have been a tough day. Ironically, I had a message from my son’s friend that morning, telling me he was thinking of me!

My ‘me time’, for that special hour each day, has affected my thinking and behaviors during the other 23 hours of each day!!

I am keenly aware that my life will never be the same. But, guess what? I can laugh again! And my ‘new normal’ now includes a feeling of moving forward in a positive, productive, and loving manner. My steps towards healing are headed in a great direction.

I don’t believe that we often have the opportunity to hear what a profound effect we have on others. I wanted you to know what a positive light you have been for me. I am so glad I attended the event earlier this year and so very grateful that I met you. I am sincerely thankful for your influence in my healing process.

Again, thank you.
SK - Phoenix, AZ

The 100Day Challenge is an awesome program for transforming a life devastated by a painful or ongoing chaotic experience. The concept is simple - do something positive for yourself every single day to escape the chaos, the pain the negativity. Use that moment of peaceful tranquility to guide and influence your thoughts going forward. Do this for 100 consecutive days. Keep a journal. Embrace the experience. Grow with each step as you move away from your pain.

Powerful transformations do not require big, bold goals or activities; they are achieved through a systematic application of little, productive and positive steps. Take care of yourself now and your life will be changed. Peace!

* * * * * *

Are you a member of an organization who would benefit from a powerful, authentic and moving story? Would you like to hear Dave Cooke share his incredible, inspiring transformational journey through his son’s heroin addiction to a life of peace and clarity? Dave gives talks to groups large and small throughout the country. To book Dave for your next event, program, or meeting contact him at 602.903.2074 or via email.

Are you on my email list? If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter for the parents of children addicted to drugs/alcohol and weekly blog post notifications, email me.

 

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Fighting the Addict Label: Personalizing Every Addiction Story

March 19, 2025 by Leave a Comment

Today’s conversation features Jennifer Miller - a mom with two perspectives to her addiction story. As a professional therapist, she works with young adults and their families dealing with the issue of addiction on a daily basis. As a mom, she witnessed the devastating effects of addiction through her 27 year old son’s opioid addiction battle.

As more and more stories of children dying from addiction overdoses have been shared, Jennifer made a commitment to be more involved, engaged, and active. Her passion for this cause clearly resonates in our conversation.

Listeners to this podcast will learn from her story about her son. How he went from a wildly popular, accomplished, scholarly student to a young man struggling with his addiction.

Plus, we discuss the impact that labeling people “addicts” has on their recovery, the perceptions it reinforces, and how we can change the addiction discussion simply by changing how we talk about it.

As Jennifer declares there is a battle out there; but, it is not the battle we think we have been fighting. “It’s not a war on Drugs, It’s a war on People.” To fight this battle we must all be engaged, educated, and supporting each other.

Reference Links:

Redemption House (Facebook Page)

Christian Counseling and Education Foundation (Website)

Chasing the Scream (Book)

Beyond Addiction (Book)

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It is time you took back control!

March 16, 2025 by Leave a Comment

“No matter how dark the present appears, I choose to live for the promise of the future and celebrate the opportunity to learn and grow in the process.”

Even in the most normal of times, life often presents us with difficult, challenging days. Several years ago, there were many days where my son’s addictive choices seemed to completely disrupt my life and destroy my joy. Every deceptive, addiction ridden action became a distraction. Finding a cure for his addiction, changing his behaviors, managing his choices became an obsession with me. Every failure to slay the dragon of his addiction increased my frustration and fed into my resolve to win this battle. With all that was expected of me in my life, tackling his struggles was almost too much to bear.

It only changed when I empowered myself to live and celebrate my life and those components of my life I was in control of.

Here are four realities when it comes to life’s issues:

1. No matter how bad it is, it can and will get better.
2. It can only get better if and when you decide it will.
3. Things will not get better on their own!
4. Only those issues you have control over can be changed!

It begins by changing how you look at your struggles. Examine who you are giving authority to in your life. Decide how you are going to take control of what you can control and learn to let go of what you can’t.

It took a while - eighteen months to be exact; but, I finally figured it out. Try as I may, I could not change the course of my son’s life. His choices are his and I have no authority or power to stop them.

In the face of adversity or defeat or this reality…

  • You can continue fight this insane battle;
  • You can curl up in the pain and frustration of your failure and surrender;
  • You can get busy focusing on you, what you are in control of, and begin to change your life.

I chose to change my life. You can too!

Leverage your talents, skills, and energy focusing on managing your life and those issues under your control. Tune out the noise of the chaos around you. Trust and believe in your ability to work around your issues while obtaining powerful, inspiring lessons along the way.

When you effectively manage your issues, those external distractions have less authority in your life.

When this storm passes, and it will, you will be blessed and better prepared for the next one. Plus, you will be able to share the lessons of your experiences with those struggling in their life storms.

When you choose to live the promise of the future - your future - and avoid getting up in the uncontrollable chaos of your loved one’s life, you will find the peace and clarity you desire in your life. It begins once you let go of those issues beyond your control and zero in on those challenges you have the authority to take care of. Do this and your life will be changed. Peace!

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Is your child addicted to drugs or alcohol? Do you feel trapped on an emotional rollercoaster? I can help. I’ve been there. I’ve experienced your pain, anguish and despair. That’s why I offer private Parent Coaching by phone ($55.00 per hour). I’ve developed a 7-step strategy that helps my clients regain their emotional balance, so they can move forward and reclaim a life that is spiraling out of control, yours. To learn more, contact me.

Filed Under: Embrace Responsibility, featured, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Addiction and Parenting - Sometimes you have to get out of the box

March 5, 2025 by Leave a Comment

When it comes to parenting and addiction, “sometimes you have to think out of the box.” Today’s conversation features the story of a mom, Gerry Standard, who found herself at a point of desperation. She didn’t know what else to and decided to trust her instincts and her research and do something different. Her “different” was Ibogaine and her experience began over six years ago.

We talked about Ibogaine with the staff at Crossroads, Inc. on a previous conversation. In that conversation, the team shared wonderful insights and opportunities for the Ibogaine approach.

It was quite interesting and compelling to hear the personal story of a family’s direct experience with Ibogaine*. Since her daughter’s Ibogain treatment* six years ago, she has been clean the entire time and has made great progress in reclaiming her life.

Those who listen to this podcast will again discover that Ibogaine is only part of the recovery process. Aftercare is also the other critical component; plus, a willingness to all members of the family in recognizing responsibility for making changes in their own life as part of the recovery process.

If you have not listened to the podcast on Ibogaine, I would encourage you to listen to it as part of the educational process. Gerry shares and supports much of what is presented in the Ibogaine podcast; but, it is even more impactful when listened to in conjunction with the previous Ibogaine conversation.

Gerry also shares her Ten Rules for Dealing with your Addicted Child.

*Note: Please do not confuse Gerry’s experiences with Ibogaine as an endorsement of the work being conducted at Crossroads, Inc. These are separate conversations and are not to be construed as related or a direct endorsement of the program at Crossroads.

Links:

Addiction Conversation: The Ibogaine Process

Ten Rules for Dealing with Your Addicted Child

Filed Under: featured, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , ,

You are the Light

February 23, 2025 by 2 Comments
There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. ~ Edith Wharton

The lessons, experiences, and outcomes associated with my son’s addiction has been a long, difficult journey. Sometimes it seems I cannot take another step, fight another battle, or endure another challenge. Then I realize if I quit, how I can I declare victory?

More importantly, if I give up and surrender, what happens to those who draw their inspiration, courage, strength from me?

Whether you realize it or not, there is always someone, somewhere looking to you for hope, love and instruction. You may not see them, you may not hear from them, you may not even know how important you are to them; but, they are out there.

We are all being challenged, tested, pushed, and strained in many different and unique ways. Even though going forward is difficult, finding peace in the chaos is nearly impossible, and sustaining the effort is almost too much, we must persevere and endure.

You don’t know who you are inspiring or teaching.

You don’t know how close you are to a break through.

You don’t know the lesson you are about to learn and share through this difficult time.

Quitting, stopping, surrendering ends the journey before the gift can be delivered and received.

After all you have been through, how can you give up before the gift in the journey is revealed you?

Whatever you are going through, trust there is a blessing in it, a lesson from it, and a gift that will change you forever.

Find the courage to move forward and sustain your momentum, as slow as it may seem some days.

Look for every opportunity to be encouraged, to learn, to listen, and to celebrate progress. They are out there!

Remember, you are the light. Whether you are here to learn, to teach, or to inspire, your journey has a purpose.

Stay with it in trust, hope and faith. Peace!

Filed Under: Inspirational Perspectives, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

We can all be advocates

February 19, 2025 by 4 Comments

Today’s guest is a very special advocate for our children and loved ones. Judge Jodi Debbrecht Switalski, is a district court judge in Michigan. More importantly, she is clearly leading the way to help change the way addiction is treated in the courts, in our criminal justice system, and in society. She is a voice of education, awareness, and change.

As parents dealing with this adversity in our family, we can all be grateful for the presence of those who think forwardly and proactively. More importantly, we cannot stand by and have others fight our battles on our behalf. We must join in the fight for increased awareness, for improved education, and for the change that helps our children and loved ones in their battles with addiction.

Please listen to this podcast and learn more about the resources and programs that can help us in our battle. Nothing changes until we stand tall and fight for change. I promise, you will fight hope and courage in this conversation! Peace!

Links of interest:

National Association of Drug Court Professionals

The Stutman Group

Dying to be Free

Comprehensive Addiction Recovery Act

Judge Jodi’s Bio

Filed Under: Addiction Conversation Podcast, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

The resourceful power of effective Communication in dealing with Addiction

February 5, 2026 by 6 Comments

Today’s guest, Denise Mariano, shares the story of her family’s journey with her son’s addiction. While the conversation covered a wide range of topics like recovery, parenting, stigma, treatment, and community, the theme of our conversation centered around the power of communication as a tool to inspire, educate, coach, and encourage.. Everyone battling with their addiction or struggling with the addiction of a loved one. While this fight may not yet be as successful as one would desire, the one certainty is that everyone involved is listening, learning, experiencing, and searching.

Listen to this podcast. The perspectives shared about how we communicate with ourselves, our loved ones, with others in similar situations is very, very powerful. Talking is healing, healing is listening, listening is understanding, and understanding is the gift you cannot live without or withhold from others. Please take time to listen to this conversation and be prepared share the gift of better communication.

Links of interest:

Denise Mariano (Twitter)

Denise Mariano (Facebook)

CRAFT (about)

SMART Recovery (website)

Partnership for Drug Free Kids (website)

Partnership for Drug Free Kids (coaching helpline)

Filed Under: Addiction Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Love and Disappointment

February 2, 2026 by Leave a Comment

“Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate and to humble.” ~ Yehuda Berg

Over the course of your addiction journey, you will have, or have had, many difficult and challenging conversations with your children. Whether it is in the heat of battle or in a tranquil time, the words you choose and the tone you use linger in ways you may not realize.

Several months ago, I gave a talk at a single mom’s recovery center. I took advantage of a question from the audience to share my perspective regarding two words that have more power than any other. At the end of my reflection, I was taken by their response and overwhelming affirmation to what I shared. I share this information with you today in the hopes that you will be mindful of what you say means a lot, even when our loved ones don’t seem to care or listen. They do and they are.

LOVE. Love is the most powerful word in any language. When you share with someone the gift of your unconditional love, you are committing that no matter what they’ve done, who they’ve become, or how they are living - you LOVE them. Love cannot be conditional. If we truly love someone, we cannot withhold it. Love is selfless, generous, kind, patient, understanding, eternal, and, most of all, it is unconditional.

I remember listening to the story of a woman, a good friend, who was in the middle of the worst aspects of her crystal meth addiction. Somehow her mom searched her out and found her in this wasteland of a hotel room. All her mom desired was to see her daughter. As she tells this story of this meeting with her mom, the only part she truly remembers is her mom saying to her, “I want you to know, I love you. I don’t love this (looking a the visual mess of her life) but I love you!” She was blown away. Despite all she had done, where she was, and what she was doing her mom simply looked at her and said, “I love you!” That was the day this woman began her road to recovery. She was moved by that powerful exchange, knowing her mom loved her no matter what!

DISAPPOINTMENT. If you are ever looking for a word to take out of your vocabulary, disappointment is the one, especially if your authentic power word is LOVE. Nobody ever wants to disappoint someone we love or who loves us. Telling a loved one they have disappointed them is more hurtful than a knife to the heart. A person battling an addiction is already struggling with an internal sense of failing, emptiness, guilt and loss. They do not enjoy being addicted, they constantly battle with their addiction, and it is difficult to find hope in the middle of their chaos. The last thing they need to hear from anyone is a hurtful reminder of how much they have failed those they love.

When I shared my philosophy on the adverse power of disappointment with the single mom’s recovery center, I had two women react immediately. One of them shared, “I know. I remember the day my dad said he was disappointed in me. It is fresh in my mind, as though it was yesterday. It hurt me more than anything.”

Addiction is frustrating. The choices, decisions, and outcomes destroy lives and dreams. Your child or loved one knows the loss they and you are already feeling. They do not need a reminder from you how disappointed you are in what they have done to their life or are doing to yours. If you are disappointed in their situation relative to your expectations for them it is best to keeps those thoughts to yourself.

I have been on my journey with my son’s addiction for nearly six years. While this may be short by many standards and long by others, I have appreciated the opportunity to learn. I would never have signed up for this educational journey; but, I am on it nonetheless.

I have been blessed with many lessons and continue to receive education, encouragement, and insights from this community of parents on their addiction journey. The one thing I have learned more than anything else is the only gift I can truly give my son at this point in his journey is the gift of unconditional love and unrelenting hope. As long as we are both alive, that will be my commitment to him. It is his addiction, his life, his choice, and his path. I am committed to never be disappointed in him. He has enough of a load on his shoulders fighting his battle, he doesn’t need to be carrying the weight of my expectations or my approval. Please keep this in mind next time you get into the word game with your addicted loved one. What you say makes a huge difference even if you don’t know it. Peace!

Filed Under: Giving Love, Parenting, Parenting & Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,
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