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# Find a Grave - Itâ€™s About Time

Find A Grave.

What a site. It landed on the genealogy scene in 1995 when Salt Lake City resident Jim Timpton built a genealogical database with his hobby of visiting celebrity gravestones. Since then, it has grown into a global database for many of the millions of dead from around the world.

Anna N Daniloff — Evergreen-Washelli Memorial Park, Seattle, Washington, USA.

Members and non-members alike can sift through the multitudes of data and find information on their ancestors and view their finals resting places. Due to the interest in genealogy, per the increase in awareness of family history through companies like Ancestry and 23 & Me, more and more people are getting interested in their past and finding their ancestors.

With this increase in popularity, there are some parts of the genealogy world that havenâ€™t moved into the future.

Iâ€™ve always loved Find a Grave, Iâ€™ve used it since my earliest days in researching my family as a teen, and have appreciated the community base of genealogists who dedicate their time to photographing not just their families, but thousands of others as well.

But there is one thing that has always bothered me about the site, itâ€™s acronymic name that genealogists commonly use, FAG.

FAG

It may not be quickly apparent to some, but the word fag is one of a turbulent history in the LGBTQIA community. It has been used to harass, threaten, abuse and in many cases murder.

In the past few years, genealogy and the research into oneâ€™s family history have blossomed significantly with companies like Ancestry, 23 and Ancestry putting out genetic genealogy test commercials for the general public to see. With this, we as a community have introduced a great variety of people to our much loved and passionate field.

As we continue to evolve and change into an inclusive community of genealogists and death positive folks that range to your Great-Aunt Mary and your Harley-riding younger brother Zac — we all love this field.

Note: As of today, I received a comment on my blog that said the following

“There is a new RAOGK -Random Acts of Genealogical Kindness that was started and we will not tolerate the use of that acronym. We have a photo of the National archives building The old Please if you could make that distinction in the post, so the new group doesnâ€™t get lambasted. “

The problem is, there are some that are refusing to acknowledge this issue. Earlier this week, noted genetic genealogist Blaine Bettinger asked the Facebook genealogy group RAOGK (Random Acts of Genealogical Kindness) to stop using the term as shorthand. This one post has garnered over 247 comments and 8 shares.

I even posted something in the group this morning and it was swiftly deleted and within minutes of it being deleted, a member of the group ‘reached outâ€™ (I use this word with several grains of salt) to me with the following:

This individual then proceeded to tell me that gay people arenâ€™t offended by this acronym (hey, so, Iâ€™m gay, and I am) and that “Itâ€™s not being used in a derogatory way so I just donâ€™t understand why itâ€™s such an issue,” followed by “I think youâ€™re a wee too sensitive.”

Iâ€™m just going to put it out there — that is privilege speaking. The term fag is a loaded term that comes with decades of violence, ignorance, and harassment. But, if I have to drag yâ€™all kicking and screaming into the future — I will. This needs to change now.

Since we love so much, donâ€™t you think we should take care of it? Include all the members of the community, no matter how different we are? So here is my proposal, letâ€™s call it Find a Memorial (FAM). Why FAM?

- #1: It is not an offensive acronym or term and solves that problem hands down
- #2: It incorporates family (FAM) into the term, which what this is all about
- #3: Memorial is a much more applicable term as by definition, the graveyard has been used specifically for those graveyards near churches or as the definition of it says: “a burial ground, especially one beside a church.”Using the word memorial will incorporate not only graveyards and cemeteries but can also incorporate more non-traditional memorials such as cremations, at sea burials, etc.

If you support me, sign below with your name (i.e. Becky K., 34, Bellingham, WA) below and tweet at @FindAGrave and @Ancestry to make this happen.

We, the undersigned petition A ncestry (the parent company to Find a Grave) to change the name of Find a Grave to Find a Memorial for the following reasons:

- The acronym represents our field in a much more appropriate way
- The new acronym and name represents all types of departures from this earth, not just graves (cremations, scattered ashes, etc.)
- Find a Grave has always been a community-centered database and we all contribute from all the corners of the world. People of every gender, color, background, religion, sexuality, and type. Why not keep everyone together on this journey with a more inclusive name.

### Names of Signatories

1. Becky K., 34 - Bellingham, Washington, USA
2. Stephany B. - Georgia, USA
3. Chris F. - New Hampshire, USA
4. Kirsten Beyer - Illinois, USA
5. Hazel Scullin - Salt Lake City, Utah, USA
6. Elizabeth Ludwig - Utah, USA
7. Miranda Carter - Utah, USA
8. Megan Fincher - California, USA
9. Mary Rohrer Dexter
10. Linda Dupuy
11. Laura Napl
12. Tawna L. - Meridian, Idaho, USA
13. Betty Dees, 62 - Cape Canaveral, Florida, USA
14. Kelly Bembry - Midura, Virginia, USA
15. Casey F. - Long Beach, California, USA
16. Diane B.
17. Linda Fradelis - Chesapeake, Virginia, USA
18. Carolynn ni Lochlainn
19. Jenifer Kahn - Bakkala, Massachusetts
20. Jan Pennington â€“ England
21. Leslie Rieger - Montana
22. Brenda Leyndyke - Battle Creek, Michigan, USA
23. Anna C. Matthews - Rockville Centre, New York, USA
24. Arlene F. - Michigan, USA
25. Deb
26. Sue J.
27. Erica Millar - Ontario, Canada
28. Geoff Mulholland
29. Robin G.
30. Anna
31. Raymond R Hawkins
32. Rich M., 62, - Medford, Oregon, USA
33. Charlotte N. - Utah, USA
34. Leah M. - Washington, USA
35. Dena R. - Visalia, California, USA
36. Jordan MacVay - Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada
37. Victoria Kolakowski - Oakland, California, USA
38. Rebecca Campbell - Dallas, Texas
39. Miriam Robbins - Spokane, Washington, USA (Note left: User of FindAGrave for 18.5 yrs.)
40. Millicent Parsons - Indianapolis, Indiana, USA
41. Holly B. — Carnation, Washington, USA
42. Susan S.
43. Teresa Eckford - Sunshine Coast, Canada
44. Zoe Krainik - USA
45. Sarah Potter - Naperville, Illinois, USA
46. Kat Kellermeyer - Salt Lake City, Utah, USA
47. Joey De Luna - Bellingham, Washington, USA
48. Cindy Badger - Osan Air Base, S. Korea
49. Kolby LaBree - Bellingham, Washington, USA
50. Trish Riederer - California, USA
51. Heidi Pomerleau - Salt Lake City, Utah, USA
52. Valorie Cowan Zimmerman
53. Audra Searcy - Latrobe, Pennsylvania, USA
54. Emily Schroeder - Solon, Ohio, USA
55. Brooke W., 49 - Sydney, NSW, Australia
56. Chelsy Parrish, 28 - Mesa, Arizona, USA
57. Kassidy Price, 24 - St. George, Utah, USA
58. Diane Willey â€“ Ontario, Canada
59. Andrea Weigel - Templeton, California, USA

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## 125 thoughts on “Find a Grave - Itâ€™s About Time”

## Add yours

1. Cindy Badger
   Osan Air Base, S. Korea

   Reply

   1. All the way across the ocean! Excellent to hear from you. Thank you. =)

      Reply

2. Audra Searcy- Latrobe PA

   Reply

   1. Thank you so much, Audra!

      Reply

3. Signed.

   Emily Schroeder
   Solon, Ohio

   Reply

   1. Thank you so much for the support, Emily!

      Reply

4. Brooke W, 49, Sydney NSW Australia

   Reply

   1. Nice to see some folks from across the water supporting this change as well. Thank you so much, Brooke!

      Reply

5. Chelsy Parrish, 28, Mesa, AZ USA

   Reply

   1. You are all good. Thank you for your support!

      Reply

6. Kassidy Price, 24; St. George, Utah

   Reply

   1. Thank you so much, Kassidy!

      Reply

7. Diane Willey - Ontario, Canada

   Reply

   1. Thank you, Diane!

      Reply

8. Signed, Andrea Weigel, Templeton, CA I was unaware this acronym existed, but I am hopeful that I will no longer persist. Thank you for pointing this out, and making the effort to change things!

   Reply

   1. Thank you so much, Andrea.

      I appreciate your support!

      Reply

9. Hermann, Burkely - Baltimore, Maryland, USA. I donâ€™t know if you are still accepting signatories, but Iâ€™d gladly sign! This really needs some more signatories. I wish I had sign this earlier this year. Iâ€™ll definitely write a blog to promote your petition and hope I can spread your message even broader.

   Reply

10. Reblogged this on History Hermann and commented:
    I know this post is from back in March, but this an effort which everyone should support. Find A Grave should change their name!

    Reply

11. The biggest issue is NOT what the letters are that represent FindArave. Itâ€™s the site allowing some members to “collect” 50,000 or more memorials and get aggressive, threatening, and harassing to other members so they can “collect” more. The harassment that is tolerated on this site is far worse than any 3 letter acronym.

    Reply

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